"Men have more needs", "the man must lead during the sexual act" ... You have undoubtedly heard these sentences, which illustrate the many stereotypes surrounding male sexuality. But in reality and in the intimacy of the couple, it is often a whole different story. Doctor Damien Mascret deconstructed these myths on Thursday afternoon in the program "Sans rendez-vous" on Europe 1.
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First myth: the man decides in bed
"The first myth, which is very important, is the idea that the man should lead the dance and decide. When you have developed your relationship a little bit, it's an old myth, even if nine times out of ten it is. is what happens. It is the man who decides, for example, the positions that we take. We realize that when we question couples, very often, that's what happens. There is a leader. and a follower, as for rock. Except that here, we will invite you to change the role of leader a little, otherwise you fall a little into what is called "starfish syndrome". that is to say that the woman lies down, puts herself in the position of a starfish and lets herself be carried away.It may have its charm, but the important thing again is to vary the pleasures and to vary who decides.
In principle this is done in a natural way, but it can also be said during the sexual act. It's not always easy, but you can just invite someone to do something else, redirect to something you like more. You have to dance in pairs, not alone. "
Second myth: men have more needs than women
“The second myth to destroy is that men have greater sexual needs than women. It's not completely a myth, because when you look at what's going on hormonal level, you tend to say that biologically the desire can be a little bit stronger in humans. But beware, we have since built a brain a little more evolved than the primary brain. We have a cortex, that does not excuse infidelity because that Monsieur would have more important needs than Madame. Obviously, there is nothing normal in what we decide to do. We are free each time to choose what we want to do, to take action or not to take action.
What matters is not necessarily this need that exists, it's what we do with it. In particular in sexual addictions, which lead either to intensive consumption of pornography or to aggressive sexual behavior, it is very often people who have not learned to regulate their impulses. Everyone has impulses, women too! It should also be remembered to men who sometimes believe that their partner has no impulses. Well, that's not true, women have as much need as men. "
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Third myth: penetration
"The third myth is that it's the erection that counts, which makes the man and which makes the sexual potency. We must put an end to that, with this idea that penetration would be the Grail. Well no : we must also rediscover the pleasure of touch, pleasure itself. The mantra is no longer that you absolutely have to have an orgasm. That was in the 70s. Today, the mantra in sexology is to say that what matters is the intimacy, the pleasure and also the eroticism, and of course the satisfaction.
Whether there is an orgasm or not, you have to have emotional satisfaction from the time we have spent together. The satisfaction of the partner, it is not one way. We are not in a scheme where it is one who gives and the other who receives, we are in a sharing. And if you are systematically recipient or donor, recipient or donor, after a while the desire and the excitement are defused. We have the impression that on the one hand we have a distributor of pleasure, and on the other a slave ready for anything, but we do not have the impression of having in front of us a person, an individuality that has desires and desires. So here too we need to have more fluidity of roles. "