Although we do not expect to receive a compensation for our gift directly, "but we unintentionally place the recipient in debtor position, and we hope at least to show him a feeling of gratitude," according to psychologist Marina Harutyunyan.
"Regardless of our intentions, any gift is presented with motivation: the first is emotional, it is the expression of our love and desire to please the recipient, the second is practical and embodies the desire," said Harotionian in an article on "The Psychology of Presenting Gifts" on Forumdemo. In power and self-affirmation. "
Although Christmas gift sales in the United States of America alone are about $ 3 trillion, the equivalent of $ 70 billion is returned from them, "because it is not in the gift, but in reaction to it."
The worst reason to give a gift
Gifts are always given for a specific reason, such as confirming or renewing a friendship, expressing feelings, consolidating a relationship, or congratulating a happy occasion; However, the worst way to present a gift is by saying: I brought this gift for you to save you money, without knowing that we are making the recipient to hate this gift that caused him to feel ashamed.
In studies conducted at the universities of Ohio and Chicago, researchers found that people react negatively to gifts that they were told - or concluded - that they are to help them save money, because receiving these kinds of gifts makes them feel inferior to the gift provider.
The results of 405 people showed that "those who got a gift aimed at saving their money, said it made them feel embarrassed, ashamed, and helpless," because they believed the gift provider looked at them from a higher position.
"The way a gift is presented may affect others," says Grant Donnelly, a participant in studies. "They may feel that the gift provider considers them incompetent and cannot take care of themselves, because they need money."
Therefore, Donnelly recommends checking the message attached to the gift "in order not to harm the relationship with its recipients", and if it is necessary to present a money-saving gift, "it is better not to declare or imply that."
Our personality is in our gift
"The gift reveals your personality," says psychologist Dr. Marcel Abdullah on his Facebook page. Some people do not like gifting and their evasion of gifts may be an indication of miserliness, or the lack of desire to engage in society, due to wrong upbringing that made them lose self-confidence And the ability to give.
Some of them do not like receiving gifts, especially people who grew up in an environment that has deprived them of the ability to express their feelings and emotions, and they feel that they do not deserve gifts because they do not love themselves, or because they consider the gift an attack on their independence and individual freedom, because it obliges them to respond and exchange, and bear emotional and social responsibility They could not stand it.
Some of them exaggerate in providing precious gifts, which may give the impression of the desire to control and the love of appearing.
Abdullah reviews types of gifts that may be disclosed about the person who provided them, such as:
- a poisoned gift that we cannot reciprocate due to its high price, or that carries us a responsibility that we did not choose or do not want (such as the gift being a dog for example), or a gift that does not respect our place (as if someone gives our children a gift that we previously refused to buy for them); All are gifts that reflect a desire to control and embarrassment.
- The utilitarian gift whose provider wants to show that he is a practical and effective person, such as a vacuum cleaner or an oven, for example, but it may be in the eyes of many without feelings.
- The selfish gift that comes in the taste of its presenter, without regard to the taste of the recipient, suggests a narcissistic personality.
8 tips for choosing and giving gifts
Here are some important tips, Miyajitech provided:
1. Do not worry about the price, as research has shown that the value of the gift is not in its high price, “In most cases, praise does not depend on the cost of the gift, because the issue has other psychological dimensions,” according to Dr. Jeff Gallaki, a professor at the University of Pittsburgh, who does not mind buying a gift. For a slightly higher price, it might be more attractive.
2. Confirm the reason for choosing a gift when presenting it, as there is a birthday present, and a gift for a wedding.
3. Be sure to keep the period of use long, because people love gifts that they can use for a longer period.
4. Pay attention to the presentation method. Writing words on an attached card will make it more creative and interesting.
5. Avoid exclusivity and strangeness under the temptation to present something different, so the recipient will not be happier if you give him something strange that has no benefit in his real life, and he has no choice or desire about it.
6. Prioritize matching your intuition with the recipient's desires, and do not rush to buy whatever you like. According to Professor Dunn from the Department of Psychology at Oxford University, "The biggest factor behind giving good gifts is the importance of matching the ideas of both parties, rather than prioritizing donor options."
7. Ask the other party what they want. If you cannot achieve the previous match, you must ask the recipient what he wants. Studies have shown that "good gifts have nothing to do with surprises. If you want to give a good gift, you should ask first."
8. Avoid excessive thinking about the gift after it is presented, as bad reactions rarely occur, even if there is no consensus. The recipient will be at least happy, and will appreciate the time and effort involved in choosing the gift.