They are inevitable in a couple: disputes. But are they necessarily a bad thing? No, answers the doctor and columnist Damien Mascret, for whom a couple who never raises their voice is a myth. In reality, an argument can (very) well happen if it is managed properly. How? 'Or' What ? The specialist gives you the keys this Wednesday in "Sans Rendez-vous", on Europe 1.
Don't give in to anger with a few steps
The most important thing in an argument is not to give in to anger. It is also necessary to listen to the other, not to read thoughts, to banish humor and sarcasm. An argument reveals a problem that needs to be taken seriously. To do this, following certain steps is essential. First of all, it is essential to be very precise in your complaint. Then, don't say 'you' but 'I', to share your feelings with your partner. For example: 'I feel like you are not listening to me'. But to point out a problem is not enough, it is also necessary to propose solutions. Note that the partner can also make their own proposals.
Another factor that should not be overlooked is that one problem is raised at a time. Exit the 'yes but you', we focus on one thing.
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Is it possible not to argue twice for the same thing?
It is possible, but again under certain conditions. If a couple has followed the previous steps, they should be able to find common ground. But the latter does not necessarily still fully satisfy both parties. We must therefore agree to talk about it later, to be able to find a lasting compromise.
But why is anger so common during an argument?
Because it means that you have been hurt by your partner: either because the person matters to you (otherwise it doesn't matter to you), or because the theme was important and your partner touched on values that are important to you .