Apologizing can be one of the most healthy and positive actions; It is of great importance in mending relationships and opening new pages between friends.
It is necessary to continue the social life of humans, and sometimes an apology is an easy task for some; They prefer silence or ignore the matter, and they refuse completely to apologize to those who harm them; This causes great damage to their relationships, and makes them lose many of those around them.
5 reasons
The 2002 book "The Power to Apologize for Healing All Relationships", accompanied by Beverly Angel, discusses psychological treatment. The reasons behind the difficulty of apologizing to some people, and they are summarized in the following:
A matter of pride: Apology means putting our pride aside long enough to acknowledge the mistake we made, and for some people this is weak and admitting that they are flawed, and they may tend to make excuses or blame others, and they refuse to make a clear and explicit apology.
Sign of Weakness: For many - especially men - an apology reflects weakness, and these tend to show themselves that they are right, and that they are always strong.
The truth is that apologizing for the damage you caused, and taking responsibility for your mistakes; They can be seen as a sign of strength, not the other way around.
Fear of shyness: Some people feel so shy that they cannot admit their mistakes or apologize for them, because that causes them to be very embarrassed.
Fear of the consequences: Some fear that if they take a risk and make an apology, they may be rejected and unacceptable, and may also fear that others know what they have done and lose the respect of the people around them.
Lack of awareness: Many people do not apologize for being oblivious to the impact of their actions on others; They do not apologize because they simply do not realize that they have anything to apologize for.
They may focus too heavily on what others do to harm them, and cannot see how they have offended others, or they may focus on themselves to the point that they are unable to see the impact of their behavior on others.
Inability to empathize: The most important reason why some find it difficult to apologize is because they lack sympathy for others. They lack the feelings that enable us to place ourselves in the other person’s position, so we sympathize with it. Thus we apologize to him when he deserves it. They need to imagine how their behavior or attitude affected the other person. Unfortunately, many people are unable to do so.
Purposeful apology
According to the author of "The Power to Apologize," many people need to learn how to apologize in an audible and acceptable manner. An effective apology is what is conveyed to the person for whom we apologize for "remorse, responsibility and treatment".
And to show this person remorse for what we have done and caused inconvenience, harm or harm to him, and accept full responsibility for our actions by not blaming anyone else, and not making excuses for what we have done.
Finally, a statement of the desire to take some measures to correct the situation, either by promising not to repeat what it did and trying to remedy the situation, or by compensation for the damages it caused.
Why is apology important?
"Apologizing is something we're doing to be polite," says Andrea Brandt-Ph.D and marital counseling provider on Psychology Today. It is an important social ritual, and it is a way to show respect and sympathy for the wronged.
Apologizing to those who hurt them is very important, as it shows that we care about their feelings, as it leads to a feeling of relief and relief from their anger, and their desire to continue the relationship.
As social worker Amy Morin says on "Psychology Today", an apology has the potential to make the most arrogant and humble people. When we have the courage to admit our mistakes and work to overcome our fears, then we have a deep sense of respect for ourselves, and this self-esteem can in turn affect our confidence. Ourselves and our expectations for our future life.
"When I apologize to you, to show you that I respect you and take care of your feelings, let you know that I did not intend to harm you, and that I intend to treat you better in the future. By accepting my apologies, you not only show me that you have a decent spirit but rather give me another chance," Morin added.
Victims not to apologize
Beverly Angel says, in her article series on "Psychology Today", in which she presented her book "The Power of Apology". "I have specialized in my work with former victims of child abuse for nearly 40 years. Time and time again I hear from them that the only thing they want, which they believe can help them recover from the abuse they have suffered, is a confession from their parents (or others) ) By mistreating them, and apologizing for the damage they caused. "
"From time to time, I was a witness to the healing that could happen when a patient receives a meaningful apology. This kind of apology caused a complete recovery, as the patient feels that he has finally been fulfilled."
Providing apologies makes a person admit that he was actually harmed, and has the right to feel hurt or angry. We all want our feelings to be recognized, especially when we are hurt or emotionally affected, and we want the wrong person to show us that he knows he has offended us.