Help and giving is one of the points that are counted in the power of personality, but sometimes our desire for giving gives way to those who do not deserve it, or increases the desire of others to take, and we become in a closed circle of fatigue and fatigue, and what we give becomes an acquired right instead of a result resulting from A real desire to help.
The solution is not to stop helping altogether, but rather to set limits when we begin a struggle with ourselves about who deserves and who does not deserve and the growing capacity to exploit us.
Are you being exploited?
"There are some signs that you are someone who helps too much, like being the one you give in almost every relationship you are in, and feel guilty when someone gives you something," said social worker Karen Cleman on "Psychology Today".
You also place other people's needs ahead of your own, and apologize strongly if you are not able to give the way you are. You also feel uncomfortable when ordering something.
The writer Karen Ng on "Lifestyle IPS", points out the negative aspects associated with excessive giving. It attracts the wrong people who exploit you in some way, which leads to a harmful feeling of entitlement. "I gave you this, so you owe me now."
You may give because you want to feel loved or admired. And in the event that you give to get something in return, it will backfire and be the losing party, so first check what you are doing and who you are helping and the intention behind providing this help.
But sometimes you do a lot because you hope this will be appreciated, or because giving makes you feel good about yourself, or because you feel a moral obligation. However, over-giving is stressful because it is a one-way flow of energy.
Dependency and irresponsibility
Sean M. Byrne, a professor of psychology at California State University, in her book "Unhealthy Help" has 12 warning signs that we are helping someone too much, as follows:
1- The help you provide to the other person enhances his dependency and inefficiency, and highlights the bad side of his personality Sometimes our good intentions turn into harm to others, giving is linked to the benefit of others and not vice versa, as if they turn into selfish people dependent on our resources.
2- The person you are helping keeps his promise and agreements with you constantly, and uses you to save him in many situations where he stumbles, and does not use your help to do what he promised he would do. At this point, it is time to stop believing him and giving him opportunities.
3- That people use your help to escape responsibility over and over again. Continuing to help people who are not pursuing their goals is a waste of time and resources.
4- Your help may turn into making people who cannot take care of themselves or perform their duties well. The help needed is what enhances the independence and progress of others, and does not delay them.
5- That your help leads to the person not managing his own situation properly, so he does not go to ask for the professional and professional assistance he needs, such as being late in seeking medical assistance for example, and instead relies on you to achieve temporary solutions.
6- To ask you to provide assistance that requires dishonesty and impartiality, such as making false excuses for another person or covering it up so that it does not occur in a problem. Health assistance usually does not include deception and transgression of moral matters.
7- Help within your capabilities, you can help without sacrificing your physical or mental health, your self-esteem, or your financial safety. Be prepared to undo the negative help that drains your resources. Refuse to rescue and help when you can't really afford it.
8- The deterioration of your relationship with the person you are helping because of the imbalance of the relationship, conflict and resentment, and it was assumed that help and giving have long-term positive effects on the relationship, not the other way around.
9 - When the person who helped him achieve his goal fails, he holds you responsible for his failure, in this case he gladly declares that you are backing down and giving way to him to achieve his goals himself, then move away from the road.
10 - What you offered modestly to help once turned into an unintended commitment in the long run, so you feel that you have fallen into a trap. Remind yourself that your previous assistance does not represent a continuous commitment. Therefore, you do not violate any obligations if you step back from your actions.
11- If you are in a relationship with one party that gives excessively and another that takes excessively, the imbalance will gradually eliminate the relationship, when the donor person's ability to help and support is depleted.
12- If giving is not to help one of them as much as proving to yourself that you are doing good things, then you must retract from the help that does not really benefit the recipient and relates more to you, such as proving to yourself or to others the extent of you being unselfish and that you are generous and gentle.