The many benefits of the word "sorry" .. Learn the principles of forgiveness between spouses

Laila Ali

Forgiveness is an option, not a feeling, and if one of the spouses assaults the other or mistakes him, he will not stop the joint life between them unless one of them decides to do so. For this comes the importance of forgiveness and its role in the continuation of the marital relationship, taking into account the need for the person to be tolerated deserves it, and will not think that his abuse has been overlooked.

Health benefits
Psychological counselor Elizabeth Scott says in an article entitled "The Many Benefits of Forgiveness" on "FairyWill Mind" that sticking to old pains, disappointments, small annoyances and anger is a waste of your time and energy. And keeping all this harm - real or imagined - for a long time, makes it turn into something bigger in the end, such as hatred and bitterness.

Likewise, intolerance leads you to stress, nervousness and life, which inevitably leads to physical and mental losses, and affects the basis and strength of the marital relationship. And best of all, to share your feelings and get rid of psychological harm by putting it on the table and discussing solutions.

Johns Hopkins University health experts point out that an act of tolerance can reduce the risk of a heart attack, lower cholesterol levels, improve sleep, reduce pain, lower blood pressure, and reduce levels of anxiety, depression and stress, as confirmed by the 2017 study.

How to forgive?
Author Sherry Streetoff, author of marital relations, says in her article on "FairyWill Mind" that your tolerance requires a number of steps, explaining it below:

Be receptive to the idea of ​​tolerance, and make a conscious decision to forgive your partner.

When the images of harmful situations flash in your mind, think of something else that makes you feel calm and keeps you from delving into those thoughts. 

- Refrain from reminding your husband of this error at a later time, and do not use it as a repeated argument for blame and reproach. 

You must accept that you may never know the cause of the infringement or the wrong behavior committed against you.

Do not seek revenge as this will increase your pain, and it will not make you feel better anyway.

Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you condone harmful behavior.

Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your husband takes some time and does not try to do it when you are not ready.

How do you request permission?
If you are the one who caused the hurt, Streetov says, you can ask for forgiveness in an effort to rebuild trust in your marital relationship. But first you have to show real remorse for the pain you caused, and admit that you hurt your wife’s feelings, so we all feel hurt when the person we love does something wrong, so keep this in mind.

Be prepared to make a commitment not to harm your wife again by repeating the same harmful behavior. You must also accept the consequences of the act that caused the harm, and make the necessary adjustments required to continue the marriage.

Verbal and moral
apology When apologizing, be aware that the following things should not be done:

- Do not use the word "but" absolutely and do not use excuses, and do not say "sorry" without referring to it.

- When you tell your wife that you are sorry, this does not make everything go well .. This simply means that you acknowledge that something is not right, and you have to follow it with an effort to do better next time.

And you also have to forgive yourself sometimes, after realizing the severity of the pain you caused to your dear .. It may be difficult to forgive yourself, but that will make you more confident, as you can work to become a better husband.

A temporary solution
according to psychiatrist Karen Schwartz on the same site, everyone makes mistakes, and we all have angry and bad moments, and most of us say things that he does not mean from time to time, so everyone should forgive and forgive in order for life to continue, because a healthy relationship cannot be maintained - nor Especially marriage - for a long period of time without forgiveness.

We consider all of this to be completely true if the husband who caused the harm tries hard to obtain this tolerance from his wife, but the difficulty lies if your husband does not regret.

According to Swartz, if your husband mistreated you or lied to you, or made no real effort to change his behavior despite your efforts to forgive him, it may be time to seriously reevaluate your marital relationship.