Cécile and her roommate have lived together for more than two years. But last week, patatras! "Things have gone wrong," she said, and what was previously unseen between these two friends has come true. What happened troubled Cécile, who does not want to maintain this romantic relationship. In the program Sans Rendez-vous on Europe 1, Friday afternoon, psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc responds to her anxieties and gives her the keys to take a step back on what happened.
Cécile's question
"I have been roommating for more than two years with a boy. Our relationship has always been friendly without any sexual allusions. However, last week, when we were both watching a movie, things got out of hand. we were both just missing because of the confinement, I don't have any feelings of love towards him and I wouldn't like him to get carried away. I'm sorry. What should I do? "
Catherine Blanc's response
"We can be in someone's desire without falling in love. All the difficulty for Cécile lies in the fact that she ends up with her roommate anyway and that she will continue her roommate with him. mix in their exchanges something that participates in an intimacy that she is not sure she can pursue. She obviously does not want it to gain any momentum, and that it can give rise to a feeling of love.
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The situation is complex, but often, being together without outside, without the possibility of meeting what would suit us best, leads us to do with our desires, which find support on the people around us.
If we were on a desert island, we would not wait until there is the man or the woman of our life, but the person whom we meet, to make live something beyond the sexual desire which absolutely needs to succeed. There is a vital stake, of survival, of procreation initially, which pushes us to meet and see us complementary, as well from the sexual point of view as from the relational point.
Were there no signs of what was going to happen?
We can revise our judgments according to circumstances that we could imagine for ourselves, such as urgency. Michel Blanc said in Les Bronzés : 'If we imagine that we die, we can conclude!' Desire does not absolutely require having to live and we can say that it is based on something.
It does not mean that there was something. There was certainly a bond, a friendship, which is a relationship of love, tenderness, recognition, well-being with the other. There was no sexual impulse, love impulse in the sexual sense of the term. There was something that bound these people together so that they could live together.
The desire motivated by fatigue, by the film, suddenly arises in a moment of intimacy, proximity, in confusions of interpretation of looks. To paraphrase La Fontaine: 'Desire, desire, when you hold us, we can say goodbye to caution.' It is not all about engaging in a relationship with someone, the question also arises of how it goes afterwards.
What can Cecile do?
When we were young teenagers and when we aspired to the first flirtations, we feared to kiss a friend, because we were afraid of losing a friend. We preferred to kiss the stranger rather than the friend, for fear of hurting him if by chance we could not continue the relationship.
Anyway, they're roommates, there are issues. She can say that she was disturbed by this relationship, which does not seem to her to be entirely in line with what is at stake in their relationship, and this very kindly, even if they had to reoffend. After all, it doesn't matter, they are two adults. "