Teach your child the art of accepting loss without getting used to failure

Laila Ali

As parents, we want our children to be winners permanently, but the desire to interfere in solving all their problems must be resisted to protect them from the experience of loss and disappointment. If we protect them from negative consequences when they are young, they will not be eligible to deal with loss when they are older.

Why do children need to lose sometimes? Sam Winman, author of "Win the Loss ... How can our greatest setbacks lead to our greatest gains?" Answers a question with Washington Post journalist Mia Geiger, saying, "It is an inevitable experience, at some point in their lives, they will have to Dealing with loss, the more experience they can count on, the better equipped to deal with it. "

Weinmann says that some children may not want to play a game or sport if they think they will not win, and this is common, so the more they understand that the loss can be valuable and that it is not destroyed the less fear it will be, but if they participate in a tennis match believing that it is The only positive is winning, they may retreat, fearing defeat. "

The concept of success
To deal with this problem, parents must change the concept of success for their children, provided that success is to do your best and stick to the plan that you set up even if you lose. The second issue when there is a loss is that children must see some positivity in your position as a mother, such as that You say, "You lost, but you did such and such well, and that's why you should feel good about yourself."

"At the age of four, children will compete for anything, they are not always sure of the complexities of winning and losing, but they understand that winning is good, so they want to win everything," social consultant Eileen Kennedy Moore said in an article on Burns.

"However, your child's ways of winning may not be likable to his friends, preschoolers do not always link the relationship between their behavior and the reactions of others, so your child may feel confused when peers stop playing with them, so it will be easy for the child to play If he learns to think about winning in terms of effort and not the result. "

The child is very competitive
It is difficult to lessen a child's very competitive desire to win, says Hilary Levy Friedman, a Harvard sociologist and author of "Playing for Win", "Competitiveness per se is not a negative feature, but learning how to win or lose gently requires practice, so Rivalry among siblings is crucial to a child's development, and these interactions are microcosm of how he is accustomed to similar competition in the outside world. "

"It is good for children to struggle to maintain a positive attitude during the loss of their favorite game, but if your child is ten years old for example and still refuses to lose all the time or if his weak sportsmanship causes him problems it is important that we intervene," Friedman says.

There are many things that can be done to help your child be a nice loser rather than a disturbed and agonizing loser, including what social worker and psychotherapist Amy Morin offers in her article on FreeWell Family:

Praise your child's efforts
If you build your child only to score the most goals in football or to get the highest score in the math test, your words will nurture his competitive nature, he will learn that winning is better than being nice, you should praise him for his hard work and effort regardless of the end result instead of Saying “You are the fastest runner on the team,” say, “I love the way you encouraged your other teammates today.” Praise his good sporting spirit and stress the importance of treating him with respect.

A good role model
Be a good role model by encouraging good performance and congratulating the winner even if he is not from your team, show your child how to treat others kindly regardless of the outcome.

Understand feelings
When children are able to recognize feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment and frustration, they are less likely to behave inappropriately after a loss, talk to your son about developing alternative strategies to deal with feelings of sadness and embarrassment resulting from the loss, and explain to him that he also has options on how to deal with his uncomfortable feelings .

Anger Management Skills
Often annoying losers throw what is in their hands or say bad things to other people in a fit of anger, help your child to realize that these types of behaviors are unacceptable, and know that the feeling of anger is okay but harm to people or property is not acceptable, invest time and energy in teaching your child Special anger management skills that will help him withstand loss.

Don't let your child win
It may be tempting sometimes to intentionally lose on your part until your son wins, perhaps this will help you in the short term to avoid bouts of crying or his collapse resulting from the loss, but in the long term you will not provide your child with any service, allowing your child to win will only enhance his ability to not bear the loss.

Ignore the bad mood
If your child starts crying or threw himself on the ground, ignore him, as ignoring temper tantrums sometimes makes them worse at first, but in the end your child will get bored when he sees that he has no audience interested in pleasing him, avoid condolences or talk to him when he misbehaves, and as soon as he Rest calmly give it a positive attention again.

Practice winning nicely
Usually winners are not nice, when they overcome their opponent tend to joy loudly and brag about their victory, teach your child how to show kindness to others by shaking hands and say "good game" to the opponent or say "thank you for playing with me", help your child to focus on fun Who was playing it in the game, not against who won or lost.