14 signs to measure emotional blackmail .. Are you a victim of manipulating your feelings?

Shaima Abdullah

How do some people submit to the desire of others with contentment and surrender, despite their pain, and why can not they explain what made them others who wear meek clothes in their depths cunning wolves.

Why did not any of them defend what they wanted? Why did they not find an opportunity to express, and conceal their feelings and desires so that others would feel satisfied? But this was never satisfactory to them, and they felt defeat, over and over again until the feeling deepened, and the satisfaction of the other became an unpleasant thing, they do it in distress, this is neither love nor affection, this is what Susan Forward explained in her book "Emotional blackmail", when others use fear Obligation and guilt to manipulate you.

Who were the others Susan talked about in her book? In general, they may be: a life partner, a father, a brother, a boss, or a friend who manipulates us all the time, until we forget that we are adults and adults and we have the right to act. Although we are successful in other aspects of our lives, we are faced with this person baffled and helpless, and we become subject to a signal from his hand, moving it however he wants, with his methods of manipulation.

But it is necessary for the victim of blackmail to know that he is already the victim of a hidden manipulation process, led by the blackmailer.

Forward identified 14 signs to measure the emotional blackmail we might be subjected to, whether from a life partner or from others with different degrees of proximity to us:

1- Time theft

It is the most important sign of emotional blackmail. The blackmailer does not give you time to think about your decision and found it for you first, whether it is a husband, partner, friend, or even a sales man. Their first strategy is based on not letting you have time to think. What he said will be implemented now, otherwise the opportunity will be lost.

2- Mockery and mockery

This is a frequent occurrence in a lot of relationships: mock your words, spoil your thoughts or steps that I took, and then laugh, saying, "This is humor, why don't you laugh at my humor ?! What a silence you are!" In this way, you cannot stop the torrent of ridicule and mockery, otherwise it will be Those with no sense of humor, reluctantly accept and smoothly control your emotions.

3- Planting the feeling of inferiority

Do you see yourself beautiful? No, I'm not. How did you get fat like this? In many marital relationships, this formula abounds, until the woman loses her self-confidence, and becomes easily docile, she has been placed under the extent of psychological fear and panic from losing it, or moving away from her to the most beautiful and more graceful, and from here he has absolute authority over her.

4- Silence

Silence is the weapon of the blackmailer who punishes his victim, as he ignores his calls and messages, does not answer his conversations, or responds briefly, in this way the blackmailer controls you, and makes you always search for what you have committed against him to take this position from you.

5- Claiming lack of understanding

I did this? I don't understand what you want, I don't know what to do! Likewise, any of the sentences that show the blackmailer as ignorant or unaware of what is happening, and often he does this to evade promises that he will have to abide by, or to delay and gain time.

6- Catching the feeling of guilt

Unjustified reproach, and holding the victim of extortion accountable for all that happens from sadness or joy, this is the preferred method of blackmailer to tug the rope around the neck of his victim, then he will ask you for some irrational requests, and you will have to agree to them, in order to get rid of that bad feeling that accompanies you.

7- Play the role of the victim

The manipulator is fluent in all roles, especially the weak and fragile victim who needs someone to be next to him, responsible for, and in this case you will not hesitate to do this for him.

8- Use place preference

Manipulative always defines the floor of the debate, whether his home, bedroom or office, the place where he can impose his control, so he feels the strongest while you are in the weakest position.

9- He hears more than he speaks

This is when he is only put under pressure, so he hears you with his full energy, knows all the details and all your tension, to know your entrance, where are your weaknesses, and the features of your strength, and exploits it well when he starts talking.

10 - Manipulation of facts

Exaggerating the victim’s constant blame for the trivialest things, lying, distorting facts and intentionally hiding information, all this is practiced by the manipulative on his victim, to fall into the net with ease.

11- Self-inflating

He always tries to appear confident of himself, amplifies the amount of the practical field in which he understands, and stays on all the time talking about him, in his view, he turns into an expert who knows a vast amount of information and matters of culture that cannot be matched.

12- Routine

You need a certain protein of life that makes getting out of it a red streak, as this helps to further tighten its grip on you, and maintains its area of ​​influence and influence over you.

13- Loud and negative feelings

Without direct physical violence, but with suggestive movements accompanied by a loud voice, the manipulator pushes you to fear violence, and it scares his victim to remain silent and coordinate his authority over them.

14- Negative surprises

Negative surprises lose the victim's psychological and emotional balance, and she has to resort to the blackmailer, because he is the only one who makes her feel false safety.