“They're not leaving me”
Ksenia Kalaberda came to work from Moscow from Mogilev. With a diploma of a teacher of English and German, the girl got a job as a referent translator in a company engaged in equipment for the metro. She went through training, she was quickly promoted, but then the girl met and began dating Sergei. Two years later, the couple decided to get married.
After the birth of the eldest daughter Ira in 2009, the young mother went on maternity leave. Then the three-year-old girl had a younger sister, Anya. Ksenia had to quit her job to deal with children. Meanwhile, her husband was promoted, he moved to the investment company ATON as a leading lawyer. The third child appeared in the family - the son of Vova.
Ksenia recovered for a long time after each pregnancy - she gave birth to all children through a "cesarean".
“For more than five years, I gave birth to three children. She spent ten years of marriage on maternity leave, - the mother of many children calculated. - It is not surprising that they did not want to hire me anywhere. And Seryozha kept saying all the time, they say, why do you need to work, you have everything. ”
Calaberda recalls that with the birth of her son, relations in the family finally went wrong - the husband no longer hid his betrayal from his wife and, according to Ksenia, repeated that he needed a woman who would appreciate him more.
"He declared to me in plain text" They don’t leave me! " And when I did file for a divorce, he simply “disconnected” me from all accounts and cards, ”added Calaberda. - The real nightmare began when he took the children to his mother in Krasnoyarsk, and left me alone with an empty refrigerator and without a penny. Financial and Psychological Abuse. ”
The couple managed to sign a marriage contract, according to which Ksenia after the divorce would have got 25% of the property acquired in almost 14 years of marriage. During this time, Sergey Kalaberda managed to buy three apartments, including the one in which until recently the whole family lived, and a new one-room apartment where Ksenia’s maternity capital was invested. But in court it turned out that the contract was not valid until the couple divorced.
Every day the situation grew tense, Ksenia continues: “He began to expel me from our apartment. When we stood on the balcony, I asked for a pass, and he replied “Come out the window!”
The couple’s visits to the family psychologist, according to the woman, gave Sergey a reason to declare in court that she had mental problems and request an examination of sanity.
The judge ordered an examination to all family members, the divorce procedure was suspended. Because of this, Ksenia could not file a lawsuit for child support - after all, nominally she and her husband are still married.
The woman moved out of the apartment in which she lived with her husband and children, rented other housing and got a job.
“Sergei is going to file a counterclaim against me: according to my husband’s logic, I must pay him alimony for the children with whom he separated me! He needs them, because they have recorded shares in one of the apartments. And so I don’t have to pay anything. But is there really no merit in me that I stepped into the shadows and raised our children while he built his career and earned his millions? ”Ksenia is indignant.
An examination at the V.P. Serbsky National Medical Research Center for Psychiatry and Narcology is scheduled for late December. Ksenia Kalaberda hopes that she will be recognized as responsible, she will receive a divorce, and the Dorogomilovsky District Court of Moscow will still allow her to see her daughters and son.
Family manager
The story of Irina Zhivova began almost the same as that of Xenia. She was familiar with her future husband Eugene from her students, they got married when both were just finishing their studies. Spouses were engaged in marketing and advertising. Before the birth of Alisa's eldest daughter, Irina managed to work in an international cosmetics company, from where she went on maternity leave.
“My daughter was a welcome and long-awaited child,” recalls Irina Zhivova. “Eugene was in a hurry from work to personally bathe Alice and be with her.”
The young mother worked from home as an event organizer. But after the birth of the youngest daughter, Varya, there was no time for that either. In addition to raising children, Irina organized all family trips, holidays, shopping. At the same time, only the husband controlled the finances in their family. According to the woman, the more money they got, the more vigilant Eugene watched, what his wife spends earned.
“I began to receive comments even for buying daughters clothes: why are you buying again, why is it so expensive?” She wonders.
When Irina was hospitalized for a month with an intervertebral hernia, then, as the woman recalls, instead of words of sympathy, she received only a reprimand from her husband, who had to pay for the expensive treatment and rehabilitation of her wife.
“I couldn’t walk, even get out of bed,” Zhivova said. “Almost paralyzed, crying out of fear, and he says to me that he is already following the children, paying the bills.” And I can leave my "shusi-pusi" for someone else. "
Health problems continued. Irina had a miscarriage, and while resting in Austria, she received a difficult fracture of her leg and walked on crutches for almost six months.
“By that time, I was already a creature that considers itself helpless and useless. My holy, reliable husband took me under his wing, and without him, life will simply crush me, ”the woman recalls her thoughts at that moment,“ and all the time I, ungrateful, do not appreciate him and what he does for me. ”
- © Photo courtesy of Irina Zhivova
While Irina was recovering from operations, Eugene began to cheat on her. When Zhivova found out about this, she decided to file for divorce. The couple signed a prenuptial agreement, according to which a woman abandoned her half of the property. She admitted that she agreed to such conditions, only to not pay almost five million debt for one of the apartments that Zhivov bought while they were married. However, the document did not help her: the ex-husband left all the real estate and the car, and she had a huge mortgage debt.
Irina suggested that the ex-spouse, with whom they had not lived together for more than three years, conclude an amicable agreement: the woman refuses any claims, but the husband pays alimony, which is spent solely and exclusively on children, and the rest goes to their account. The children, as Irina suggested, could live with their mom for a week, and with their dad for another week.
Instead of trying to negotiate, Eugene, according to Irina, suddenly came to their home and made a scandal. During a quarrel, the man took the woman’s phone and tried to prevent the eldest daughter from calling the police.
“He practically threw me into the wall so that I would let him pass. He grabbed his daughter and began to shake, ”Zhivova recalls.
Irina posted photos of the obtained bruises in social networks, she also recorded them in the emergency room.
“Both of them hurt each other”
Ksenia’s husband, Sergey Calaberd, did not answer calls from an RT correspondent. In turn, the company "ATON" said that they are aware of the situation in the family.
“We are aware of the situation in the family of Sergei Kalaberdy, but we do not consider ourselves entitled to give any assessment before an official decision is made. At the moment, the divorce process continues. This is a lot of stress, especially for children. We believe that ensuring their well-being and safety is most important in this situation, ”the press service of ATON Investment Company told RT.
Irina's ex-husband Evgeny Zhivov also did not answer calls and messages of the correspondent. But at the Alfa Capital press center, where the man was listed, RT was told that board member Yevgeny Zhivov had been fired.
“The Alfa Capital management company shares family values and considers violence unacceptable in any of its manifestations,” the organization added.
According to family psychologist Eugene Korchmarek, the situation where the husband controls finances and the wife is sitting at home with the children does not necessarily end in the same way as Ksenia or Irina does. Women make the decision to become housewives with a successful spouse for various reasons, he said.
“Some are happy about the opportunity not to work. This is the "golden cage", but it is comfortable in it. An adult and psychologically mature woman will not initially agree to this. But if a husband prevents his wife from going to work, this is an alarming bell, ”says the expert in an interview with RT.
Cases where fathers use children to influence their wives are more likely the exception: mothers often behave this way, notes Korchmarek. But this does not depend on gender: purely statistically, the court more often leaves children with their mother.
“There is no such thing that on average in a hospital one gender behaves worse than the other. The methods are a little different, but they both hurt each other, ”the psychologist added.
Concluding a prenuptial agreement in such conflict situations can help, but only partially, experts say.
“The document has legal force, it is almost impossible to challenge in court. As you agreed among yourself, so live. Moreover, amendments to the Family Code will soon be adopted, according to which even the fact that one of the spouses under the contract was in knowingly losing conditions will not be controversial, - explained lawyer Irina Zhivova, family law specialist Victoria Dergunova to RT. - But due to discrepancies in some points, problems may arise: the position of one of the spouses may be in fact worse than it might seem on paper. For example, if, as in the case of Irina, we are talking about financial debt. In addition, the marriage contract does not spell out with whom and how the children will live. This is a document that concerns only property relations between husband and wife. ”