EUROPE 1 ACCOMPANES YOU
Words believed during love are not a source of excitement for everyone. On Tuesday, at the microphone of Melanie Gomez, in Sans Rendez-Vous , the health show of Europe 1, the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc answers to a listener who wonders about the meaning of the words that her sexual partner addresses to her.
Angela's question
I have been in a relationship for three months, my partner uses raw words for me by making love to me. I do not know very well that thinking about it, I do not think that it is source of excitement and it makes me even wonder about my look on me. Would I be too prudish, as he claims?
Catherine Blanc's answer
If it does not suit him, the least thing is to say it. On all subjects that are related to sexuality, when something embarrasses us, the question is not whether one is prudish or not. This is our limit, and our limit is to be respected.
There is no normality. First, one must understand where these words come from. For the most part, unfortunately they come from one of the idea that one gets sexuality through pornography. So, we take the idea that it would be "fun" and exciting, because a movie says it. And then it can also be unintentional, rather dazzling. Because sexuality is a story of drive, with strength, even aggression, which is not directed to his partner who would want to hurt. It is rather our fears, our desires, our aggressiveness, which are expressed at that moment and which make us pronounce words which would not have place to be outside the frame of the sexuality.
This is not a story of violence. We are all carriers of aggression on a daily basis. There is a desire to possess the other, and a need to justify that desire. Some "maltreatment" of the other by the verb gives the possibility to authorize this aggressiveness. It does not necessarily come from a conscious will.
Appreciate this kind of language, sometimes it can also come with time?
Perhaps. But not because she will get used to it, rather because it will tell things to her. If the relationship is quality, full of tenderness and kindness, these words become funny because they stand out in a relationship that has installed a framework of security and trust. It is when a relationship is abusive, possibly psychologically, that these words are the ultimate insult, since they express themselves in intimacy. And here it is malevolence.
He blames her for being too prudish ...
He may find it prudish from the point of view of a cliché that is his. Maybe she is, so what? Why can not one be prudish in one's sexuality? On the contrary, it is charming to shake someone who is a little. And it is charming, too, to discover that in fact there is no risk on the other side of modesty.