Why is it so hard to turn the page? After a breakup, meeting new people is not always easy. Often, the memory of the other still hovers, parasitizes the new relationship that we are trying to build. Friday, in Without Rendezvous on Europe 1 , the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc has looked into this feeling of guilt that can hug us when it comes to forgetting the one who left.
Simone's question
"After 20 years of loving marital life, giving birth to two children, my husband left me It took me several months to mop up sometimes my grief, sometimes my anger. living in the illusion of his return, so much so that I had an adventure that turned out to be delicious, which was not really the case with my husband, and yet I feel very guilty. have the impression of having committed adultery. "
Catherine Blanc's answer
"This situation is less about a couple's story than about sexuality, and from the moment she feels pleasure, she asks something that would be guilty." The door opened after her husband left. asks the question of writing her sexuality, these are guilt that have nothing to do with adult life and marital life, but with her reading of sexuality since she was a child, in his relationship to his parents, to society.
Why do you feel guilty about dating when you're single again?
Symbolically, she may have the impression of having deceived other characters. In some families one has the impression that a woman who makes love is a woman of little virtue. All of a sudden, while making love with a man out of wedlock, she becomes a woman who deceives moral codes family, even religious.
There is also a guilt to give up the machismo of eternally suffering the absence of the other. The other must remain what I had said to myself: the man of my life, the father of my children, the pulpit of my flesh. All of a sudden, my pulpit moves, is moved with someone else who may be just passing through. Hence a great guilt.
Why did the one who left us continue to haunt us despite our new encounters?
We are all different. There are people who are able to keep an extremely fresh memory, to feed it regularly, it is a way of not accepting the reality of the other who has left. These people have an idea of their love beyond what it really was. They remember the good times in a masochistic way. Feeling guilty after a new meeting is a way to hang up the one who has gone to oneself, to carry it in oneself, to exist through the woman-pain side, while the other is going to his sex life. He's the bastard, he's the one who's going to make love elsewhere. If I start to do it too, to take pleasure, I become so too. Hence the difficulty of assuming this discovery. Because it stops accusing the other.
Is it necessary to take time after a break before meeting new people?
There is no rule. There are people who need to meet people to tell each other that there are other possibilities, and then they will do what will make the most sense to them. Others need to build relational qualities to repair the wounds of a previously unhealthy relationship. "