Wives justify their exposure to violence and couples justify their practice

Rola Asfour - Amman

A slap on the left cheek 21 years ago is the most painful of Huda (the names in the report are all borrowed), which is still severely beaten by her husband Khaldun so far.

Nothing has changed except that the three children have intensified their return and have the capacity to intervene to resolve the conflict so as not to become bloody.

Insults and accusations exchanged between the couple and a battle ends crying and the husband's bullying out of the house for hours, and after days apologizes and forget, a forgiving but do not forget.

Justifications for continued marriage
Huda - at a younger age - based on justifications to help in the continuation of married life, but did not agree that the beating is a maturity of the husband no matter how wrong wife.

After becoming 40 years old, she realized that pretending to be tolerant and not having an alternative was the reason for her husband's further restrictions and prohibitions.

She explained to Al-Jazeera Net that "Khaldun's mother was beaten by his father, causing him to feel a constant struggle between the image that must impose his manhood and his sense of remorse, which prompts him to apologize."

Ironically, after discovering Huda's frequent female relationships, he became suspicious of her behavior and accused her of betrayal, fabricating false stories and condemning them to her children, forcing her to leave home and go to take care of her father.

Negative attitude of the father
Huda was surprised by the negative attitude of the father and his insistence on her return to the marital home under the pretext that beating to discipline, and doubt evidence of love, patience and the key to the vagina.

And decided to return to prison because there is no safe haven for her and her children a decent life, provided that her relationship with her husband Khaldun official, and its role is limited to the care of children and attention to their needs, causing the aggravation of problems and the threat of marriage of others, and also confirmed that her desire to live wife is safeguarding and disrespect will not be achieved.

Love on the door of the school
On the door of the high school was standing Moaz hours waiting for the departure of his lover Sawsan girl diligent whose father rejected the idea of ​​her husband from the rich young man with Jordanian nationality and American because he does not have a university degree.

The father surrendered to his small tears and threatened suicide and agreed to hold the Koran in the last secondary stage, provided that the marriage after obtaining a university degree.

Sawsan deserved a slap on the cheek and a pull of hair outside the university because of her standing with a colleague. She convinced herself that her sin forced her to forgive. After their marriage, she traveled to America and started suffering.

Sharp debate leads to beating
"A sharp talk, mutual insults, a painful blow, and then a hug and an apology with a precious gift." So Sawsan summed up the story of her marriage ten years ago.

"The continuation of the thorny relationship, including the death of her father and the refusal of her older brother to divorce because of the wealth of the husband and the birth of two daughters and a child, and the conviction that Moaz loves her and cause the trouble.

She agreed with her husband to return to Jordan to live in a flat registered in her name, and that the husband comes from time to time to inspect the conditions of the wife and children provided that divorce is not because love is stronger than the differences, according to their opinion.

Statistical justification for multiplication
The Population and Family Health Survey (2017-2018) published by the Jordanian Department of Statistics recently published by the Association of the Jordanian Women's Solidarity Institute revealed that the lower the age of married or pre-married women, the higher the proportion of women who beat husbands.

The survey showed that the age group (15-19 years) of married women is the highest percentage of husbands who have registered husbands with 59.1%, followed by insulting the husband 27.9%, disobedience of 18.9%, leaving the house without informing the husband 15.1% %, And the share price was 10.1%, the lowest of which was 2.2%.

The survey also found that the justification for husbands beating their wives is also common among couples of the same age group (15-19 years), and 64.2% agreed to at least one specific reason for beating their wives among the reasons mentioned above.

Refusal to recognize
Although a significant proportion of married men practice beating their wives, most of them refuse to confess on the grounds that this is a personal matter and no one should know it.

"Former generations of men were proud to beat their wives, because the community was dealing with the issue of beating wives as a matter of habit, but the community awareness made the man who uses violence with his wife or family sit back in fear of social ostracism," journalist Muwafaq Kamal told Al Jazeera.net.

"There is a decline in the phenomenon of beating wives because of community awareness and high education, the existence of institutions to control domestic violence, and legal penalties deterrent, and the media to address the tragic issues related to domestic violence, specifically violence on wives."

The role of the media
Dr. Shatha Abu Hamdeh, a psychiatrist and addiction treatment consultant, concurs with this view, and believes that the media have contributed to raising awareness about violence against women. The bullying man is in conflict between the violent way he has acquired from the environment and the internal rejection of violence.

"The majority of married women (15-19 years old) are from families with a low level of education and come from villages where the role of girls is limited to marriage and childbearing," she said.

One of the reasons for the beatings, according to Dr. Shatha, is that the wife's subconscious rejects the husband's violence, but the poor social conditions, the absence of alternatives, and the belief that life is less harmful, especially if she is beaten before her marriage, justify marriage.

Snap cases
"Your negative energy attracts negative people to your life, in the sense that you attract what you are, an angry and violent person attracts someone with the same qualities," expert and energy science expert Hanadi al-Husani told Al Jazeera.net.

Being married because of the passion for wanting to get out of the family or the feeling of lack of fear and tension from the opinions of others leads to the failure of the marital relationship, so before getting married, the negative energy needs to be compensated for the energy of positive force based on the idea that the goal of marriage is to build a happy family.

A battered wife can prevent his repetition by stopping her negative energy, loving her self-esteem and not focusing solely on pleasing others and knowing the value of the blessings she possesses. This raises her positive energy and her husband feels strong and can not be insulted and abused.