Raül Balam, son of chef Carme Ruscalleda, talks about his addictions: "When you quit drugs, you need to share how shitty you feel"

On March 5, Raül Balam Ruscalleda will celebrate 10 years that he has been clean.

Without trying a drop of alcohol or getting a line.

That day, like everyone lately, he will watch the sunrise, the moment of the day that he likes the most now, and he will go to the kitchen of his restaurant.

"

," he says on the other end of the phone.

When he says he's talking, he's referring to those 214 pages of the book 'Hooked' (Ed. Cúpula), in which he tells in a crude and detailed way his descent into drug hell and his return to life.

"I have more time to live drinking than not drinking," reflects the chef, son of the cook Carme Ruscalleda and the hotelier Toni Balam.

He had been thinking about collecting his story in a book for a long time.

"

", she assures in the first pages.

"I tried alcohol with them, which is one of the most dangerous drugs there is, although consumption is very normalized in our country."

Aware of the impact of the phrase, he explains.

"They always told me that I drank too fast, that I had to learn to do it differently. The problem is that I was addicted, sick, and that changed everything."

Alcohol was the gateway to another reality, blacker and uglier.

From that first drink at 16 she began to focus her life on "drinking, drinking and drinking".

"I would not go out if there was no alcohol or some euphoric substance," she says in the book.

She didn't go on vacation anywhere where there weren't bars.

Drugs soon joined the party.

"

," she says in the book.

Two Michelin stars in Moments

At 46, he has long since regained control of his life.

"I love watching the sunrise; it's the moment of the day that I enjoy the most; perhaps because I've missed so many...".

Professionally, she enjoys cooking much more than before.

"I started working on it in 1996. I was captivated by alchemy, but now I value it much more."

(two Michelin stars) of the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Barcelona, ​​and now he is with the reopening of El Drac de Calella and the mythical Sant Pau, the restaurant that his parents led for 30 years and that he has now reopened like Cuina Sant Pau.

"I'm preparing the new letter to give it a little fun," he says sarcastically.

When she started working in 2014 after entering the Hippocrates Institute, she did so with fear and insecurity.

"When you stop using drugs, you feel very small and you need to share how shitty you feel," he says without fuss.

"

". His return to the routine was slow and very supported by the family and the restaurant team. "In the first night service that I did in front of the kitchen I was very nervous.

When I went out to the room, the team appeared after a while with a sign that read Welcome", he recalls excitedly. "With all the monster that had been... I thought: this is starting to make sense". Today he has a non-alcoholic version of all his tasting menus. "Many people come with my problem and they appreciate it. " If a dish contains alcohol, his second chef tries it.

The underworld he got into and everything that came with it, he tells it very sincerely.

"To hook the public it has to be a hard story. The reality is as it is."

He talks about it without qualms and "if I help someone, I'm satisfied."

He puts a lot of emphasis on calling things by their name and cataloging them properly.

"

. And it is not cured by will alone or from one day to the next."

Money for the rhythm of life

Before going through the rehabilitation center, Raül had tried to seek help in other ways, but was unable to get out.

"

," he recalls at one point in the book.

He appeared in the restaurant without sleeping, although he gave up and got the job done - the second star came in 2013.

"The drug makes you feel safe, you think you can do everything.

."

He has always handled money and that made life easier.

"You buy friendships, especially if you don't value yourself."

On work trips he set up two or three fat ones, which set off alarm bells around him that his situation was out of control.

The first person to read a draft was his mother.

"She's very critical and she gave me a lot."

She remembers that when she already handed him the book, going to the airport together to go to Paris, she told him: "

."

The family has played a key role throughout this journey.

"In the end they are co-addicts; they live all day waiting for you."

Mercè must be here today to her sister.

"She had to snitch on my parents and I don't think it's an easy part. She was the one who saved me."

Many friends have fallen by the wayside.

"We druggies are pretty selfish."

Not a single one remains of those who sold him drugs or were at his parties.

"I am satisfied with having put a debate on the table; it is time for this mental illness to be talked about freely and to stop being content for late-night radio programs."

His post-pandemic menu at Moments, by the way, is called Felicitat.

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