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In the good old days, when the Bundesliga was playing, we football fans wanted to know with curiosity: Who will score the goal of the day?
Now more and more exciting questions torment us.
Who is the goal of the day?
The applicants are noticeably queuing up, and this time it was a thrilling head-to-head race between Corentin (“Coco”) Tolisso from FC Bayern and Matheus Cunha from Hertha BSC.
Whoever has the bigger stab is a matter of taste, only one thing is certain: Both of them got tattoos forbidden by the police at the wrong time and in the wrong place.
“Viver” and “Vencer” are engraved on Cunha, the wizard of the Sugar Loaf, on his thighs.
Both are a lie because the Brazilian and the Berliners are neither living nor winning at the moment.
In any case, it is a gross violation of the reality of the table and a headbutt to anyone who thinks Covid-19 is an epidemic.
"Cunha has seen his mistake," believes sports director Arne Friedrich.
Herd instinct
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Tolisso is said to be inconsolable too, and if we understand Bayern's sports director Hasan Salihamidzic correctly, the Frenchman would like to rub his fresh tattoo on his right forearm right away if it weren't so tough.
"Of course he knows", suspects Salihamidzic, "that he made a mistake."
Of course, “Coco” knows that the tattoo studios are closed for health reasons.
Of course, he knows that what he did was forbidden and irresponsible.
Of course he knows that he and the tattoo artist whistled about the mask requirement.
Of course, he knows that he is taking the hygiene concept of the Bundesliga to absurdity.
And of course he knows that there are, above all, smarter things than snapping a photo of evidence, which then circulates in “Bild” and on social media.
Of course, Tolisso knows all of this.
He does it anyway.
Apparently Cunha also knows everything.
Why is he doing it anyway?
“Because I can,” he will say.
And because he has to, psychologists sense it.
Herd instinct.
The Cunhas & Co don't give a damn about Corona, but they are all the more disciplined in submitting to the fashion guidelines of modern football: Those who don't scratch their skin with a new tattoo for every game are out.
Matheus Cunha with his newest leg jewelry
Source: dpa
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The trend once started to gallop with David Beckham.
For the British beau, the body-filling philosophies now run from washboard abs, arms and biceps up to the neck, past the ear and from there over the back and tailbone down to the Achilles tendon.
The longest winds from hip to armpit in Chinese and reads: "Life and death are determined by fate, heaven decides on rank and wealth."
Or Sergio Ramos.
The Real-Star is an advertising pillar full of ritual and sacred symbols, it rams opponents into the ground with its headballs, behind which the concentrated power of its many messages is hidden.
Mario Balotelli had a meter-long philosophy from Dschinghis Khan stabbed, and if what you hear is true, the Italian will soon be renting free parts of the body from fellow players.
Pioneer: David Beckham
Source: picture alliance / dpa
The whole body culture of tattoo football is the new worldview, wherever you look, you see pierced, calm Buddhas, profound wisdom in Hebrew, the rebellious RAF symbol or the eternally young Che Guevara.
Cathy Hummels, the wife of our ex-world champion, once groaned: "Terrible, every second now looks like this."
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But of course your mats have it easy, he has a high school diploma, he doesn't have to stab himself in the stomach or biceps to confirm that he is a philosopher.
He also knows: In the past, mainly prison inmates were tattooed, preferably killers and life prisoners - as well as sheep, cows and oxen, whose skin was burned with a code to help them identify them.
Are footballers today's ox?
In any case, they are the philosophers of today: The acumen that Confucius, Nietzsche and Kant still had in their heads, footballers now have on their chests, on their thighs like Cunha or in their forearms like Tolisso.
Does the Frenchman have his next philosophy engraved in his best piece?
What is fun has its price
In any case, Karl-Heinz Rummenigge is served.
"That is not to be tolerated", the Bayern boss hisses with a desperate Mr.-throw-brain-down-face in the direction of Tolisso.
His fine will be of no use, any more than the one for Cunha in Berlin.
Contemporary football stars are generous, they now automatically have such peanuts debited from their clubs, motto: What is fun has its price.
What to do?
Football must hope for a word of power from Kim Kardashian.
In any case, the US trendsetter convinced her stepsister Kendall Jenner that she messed up her flawless body with tattoos: “You don't put stickers on a Bentley either.” It helped with Kendall.
It takes a little longer for football players.