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Never has anyone explained better than Holger Stanislawski that life is not a request concert.

He became a cult coach at the latest when he said sadly during his time at FC St. Pauli: "I can't go to the hairdresser, stroke my bald head and say: one perm!"

Nevertheless it is tried again and again.

Like now at FC Schalke 04. The newcomer is called Christian Gross, and right from the first training session, in camera, the Swiss is said to have started to square the circle on the drawing board for his royal blue care cases.

On Sunday, his club also officially confirmed what everyone had known for a long time, the Gross takes over the suicide mission.

Motto: We don't have the slightest chance, we just have to use it.

Jochen Schneider remembered Stuttgart

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Gross knows how to do it.

Eleven years ago VfB Stuttgart asked him if he could think of something to counter the panic fear of relegation, and the magician from Zurich reassured the Swabians by answering them roughly, without false modesty: "Should I curl your hair on my bald head?" Big came, saw and won, and because of the abysses of relegation, he even trained VfB in the European Cup at the end of an almost unbelievable triumph.

Stuttgart's sports director was then Jochen Schneider.

He is now the sports director in Schalke, and last week he told his board of directors the wonderful old story, probably accompanied by music with Katja Ebstein (“Miracles are always there”).

If what one hears is not fictitious, the panel pleaded with fascination on the spot: "Get him, dead or alive."

Schneider brought the Swiss man out of the darkness of retirement.

Before that, Gross was briefly a coach in Saudi Arabia and Egypt, and he even won titles there as he used to do as a master maker at Grasshopper Zurich and FC Basel - until he came out tired of office last May, suddenly ended his career and joined his company "Teamtalk GmbH" turned to.

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On the homepage it says: “Welcome to my site - from trainer for trainer.

A career as a soccer coach is full of emotions, characterized by complex demands and fluctuating emotional states.

I am happy to be there for you and your concerns, as a personal contact or as a coach. ”From now on he can advise himself against his threatened emotional states in Schalke.

Will the bald man make a comeback?

Actually, trainers without hair are no longer particularly contemporary.

At least since Pep Guardiola won nothing, the bald are on the decline.

Fifa world coach is now Jürgen Klopp instead.

Those who train in the city of the Beatles are forced to have a mane, but even in his time in Dortmund it was occasionally said that Klopp had torn tufts of hair underneath his body and thus had his receding hairline condensed on his forehead.

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In any case, the heyday of bald heads is a thing of the past.

Christian Gross will wistfully think back to the glory days when it was still said: A beautiful head needs space.

Anyone who was self-respecting in football polished their pear to a shine, think of the referee legends Pierluigi Collina and Howard Webb, or of Fabien Barthez, the French goalkeeper, who captained his captain Laurent Blanc on the way to winning the 1998 World Cup before every game publicly kissed the polished bald head.

The classic bald heads in their no-frills simplicity were a hallmark of football for years, but then suddenly things went downhill with the bald heads.

Guardiola is now in Klopp's shadow like a hair loss on two legs, Zinedine Zidane is weak at Real Madrid, and Arjen Robben, the Dutch whirlwind, has even landed back at his hometown club Groningen, because at Bayern there are now fluffy heads on the wing Headband like Leroy Sané, or Serge Gnabry with his tendency towards the afro look.

Gross is Schalke's last hope

Hairstyle researchers believe David Beckham was the beginning of the end for the bald people.

As the son of a hairdresser, he shaped football fashion, he came to every game with a new hairstyle, right down to a plait.

Beckham once played for Real Madrid in Tokyo and had his favorite Figaro flown in from London - he briefly shook his ponytail under the dryer hood, shaved half of his left eyebrow and then flew home.

"The decisive factor is on the pitch," Otto Rehhagel used to claim, but since Beckham the new truth has been true: the decisive factor is on the head.

More and more football stars have their brains sucked out to have more space for their hairstyle, because no long-legged model in high heels is nowadays willing to be snapped as a player's wife next to a bald head.

This makes this comeback from Gross all the more surprising.

The Schalke situation is so frightening that they only dared to ask a bald man.

It is their last hope, they have once again reached deep into the empty coffers and found an inexpensive compromise: Christian Gross collects around one million euros as a bonus in the event of not relegation and otherwise only receives a meager basic salary - but above all they can Schalker, like his assistant coach Naldo, save the money for his hairdresser.