In 2008, Charlotte Kalla broke through with thunder and a bang when she won the Tour de Ski at 20 The breakthrough also became a test mentally as more and more people began to pull in her as the new poster name for Swedish skiing.

- Then it became like everyone wanted a piece at the same time and I would try to be humble and sufficient. I also wanted to show myself that I had not changed because I was successful. I wanted to continue to give of myself, ”says Kalla in P1's Sunday interview.

- For periods I've really felt that I've had a hard time getting enough. It has been at the expense of my own energy. I have been completely exhausted for periods. It is so much fun to make others happy.

"Can be mean to myself"

The year after the big breakthrough, in 2009, the World Cup became a failure for Kalla who failed to take any medal. She tells me that heavy emotions washed over her.

- It gets too big proportions. It is easy to value yourself as a person based on what you do. You go too much into the feelings of shame that you are worthless. I can be pretty mean to myself when I get into those situations. Saying things to myself that I would never tell anyone else.

What then?

- Just the feeling of being useless. It is because I am ashamed, that I spend so much time and yet it becomes just this ... It is so stupid many times, that feeling should take the upper hand. It's a strong feeling, an unpleasant feeling.

The training has been the rescue

Although Kalla has gone through heavy periods in private, she believes that she has nevertheless been able to perform in the ski tracks.

- Sometimes the training has been the rescue. That I have had my routines and been able to go up in my investment even more. 2016 was challenging in many ways, but it is also in what you grow as a person and make important decisions. It may never be the time to make tough decisions.

ARCHIVE: Call: "I have more to give" (April 15, 2020)

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Charlotte Kalla hugs teammates Frida Karlsson (right) and Ebba Andersson (left) after fourth place in Holmenkollen.