The quilt swings especially in social relationships every week, according to a sex survey conducted by Ilta-Sanomat in the summer.

According to the survey, 78 percent of cohabiting respondents have sex at least once a week.

63 per cent of married and unmarried couples say the same.

Many may wonder how often others have sex.

Or what amount is “normal”.

- I think that “normal” is the amount that is enough for an individual, a couple or a plurality.

Everyone should be satisfied with the amount of sex they receive, says special level sex therapist Tiina Böhling-Salonen from the Sexpo Interpersonal Therapy Center.

Someone never wants sex, another many times a day.

Both extremes are normal.

- Sex addiction or compulsive sex is spoken of when it becomes obsessive or interferes with normal life functions, ie even work, hobbies or social contacts.

Consider quality, not quantity

Is my sex life the way I hope it is or is it missing something?

Or maybe there's too much in it?

What does sex mean to me?

Instead of counting the number of sexes, you should consider these questions, among other things.

- It is worth extending this discussion to the partner or partners.

After all, sexuality is what we are, and sex is what we do, Böhling-Salonen says.

More than intercourse

According to Bohling-Salonen, the focus on intercourse should finally be got rid of.

- There's so much more to sex.

Caressing, touching, gentle massage, kissing, looking into the eyes, melting into another.

Oral sex on both sides, playing with different sex toys, arousing by hand.

For some, penetration is just the pinnacle of pleasure, but it doesn’t have to be pursued if it doesn’t feel like its own thing.

Not everyone even likes penetration, even though they like sex.

- Sometimes, for example, participants in a sexual moment can satisfy themselves in relation to their partner, even at the same time.

Even just touching is relevant to a person.

Touching, among other things, increases the production of the “love hormone” oxytocin.

If you live in a close, intimate relationship, you can even try the power of flirting.

- In many cases, looking longer in the eyes arouses interest in the partner.

Sending suggestive messages to someone during the workday often works wonders.

If you both like sexy lingerie, for example, you can bet on them too.

Or something else that excites the mind.

With a little flirting or even sexy lingerie, you can, for example, tune your desires.Photo: Colourbox

Not everyone is interested

Looking at age, young adults appear to be the most sexually active.

According to a survey by Ilta-Sanomat, for example, almost 60 per cent of 26-35-year-olds have sex every week.

Still, sexual activity does not necessarily depend precisely on age or gender.

- There are very sexually active people of all genders, as well as those who are not interested in sex at all.

And everything in between.

The younger population may be slightly more sexually active than the older population, as the survey responses suggest.

On the other hand, even in the older population, there are enthusiastic sex enthusiasts with whom the quilt always swings just as fiercely.

- At my reception I often hear how people who have been in a relationship for longer have lost the spark and sexual desire for the other.

This, of course, can happen, and in the waves of life, sexuality, sex, and desire can be left on everything else.

That’s when I ask couples to think about their own sexuality and what things excite and increase desire.

It’s also good to think about what flattens desires.

Reluctance can have its roots in, for example, stress, erection-related problems, or mental health problems.

- Discussing these together gives an understanding of the partner and oneself and can open up even large nodes of reluctance.

I am also frequently encountered partnerships whose sex life is, even after 40 or 50 years of fascinating and rewarding.

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 With solo sex, you can learn in peace and security what you like, how you want to be touched and what excites you.

It’s safe sex at its best.

Men have more solo sex

Masturbation, solo sex, masturbation, handjob - a beloved child has many names!

According to an IS survey, 38 percent of men have solo sex several times a week, and 23 percent of women.

- It may be that men practice it more than women or that men “admit” it more easily than women.

However, there is not yet an awful lot of time since masturbation was dirty and a great subject of shame, even a sinner.

And is it the case, however, that it has traditionally been more acceptable to men than to women?

On the other hand - perhaps a little contradictory compared to the results of the survey - women's sex toys seem to be more acceptable than men's, according to Böhling-Salonen.

- A man who uses sex toys is still perceived as a “pathetic jerk”, although this is certainly not the case.

However, it is rare to see, for example, sex invitations aimed only at men.

Some exceptions have already come to my delight.

Sex toy invitations among women seem to be “more appropriate,” and nowadays there are invitations for couples as well.

From the graphs below, you can view the frequency of sex and solo sex by age group and gender.

“Safe sex at its best”

Young people are encouraged to have sex with themselves before involving a partner.

- With the help of solo sex you can learn in peace and safely what you like, how you want to be touched and what excites you.

It’s safe sex at its best.

According to Böhling-Salonen, solo sex can be practiced as much as the soul can tolerate, as long as it does not become obsessive or interfere with normal life, such as working and studying, hobbies.

- If, for example, you no longer have time to work on time or start meeting friends because you have to work, then the alarm bells should ring.

Solo sex helps you feel your own pleasure

Solo sex is also worth pursuing because it maintains sexual desire and allows you to experience sexual pleasure - even when there is no partner or when the sex of a relationship is in the backwaters.

- It helps to get to know your own sexuality, your body and its reactions.

Orgasm releases oxytocin and dopamine, which have mood-enhancing effects, among other things.

- Masturbation helps you to get to know and accept yourself again.

It may be that getting pleasure has changed or you want a different touch than before.

You can't know these if you don't try them yourself first.

You can then teach your partner “new instructions”.

Masturbation may also improve sexual self-esteem and lower / lower the threshold for having sex with another person.

Ilta-Sanomat found out people's sex experiences and thoughts with an online survey.

A total of 11,390 people responded to the survey.

The survey was conducted on 4-8.

June 2020.