It was just plain on Wednesdays…
Thus begins the podcast series Eropodi by “Iinan,” 43, and his friend, “Ainan,” 42. Both are mothers of two children and divorced singles, as well as friends and colleagues.
Despite the friendship and similar life situations, the differences between Iina and Aina were different. Aina’s resignation was a long process, Iina’s union ended with the man’s surprising announcement that Wednesday night. The man said he wanted to divorce and that he had met another.
Recovering from Aina's separation was facilitated by the fact that he had been dealing with it for years.
- In the end, there was no longing or emotional bond, and the difference was a relief, Aina says.
However, good things began to follow from the separation. Always got a new kind of courage.
- I became an entrepreneur a couple of years after the resignation, and I no longer cared what others thought.
According to Aina (left), Eropodik has also been a bold act.
Photo: Timo Pyykönen
Sock Soap Woman
He also always developed an alter ego, a sock woman. A superhero character with a soap gun. After the resignation, the character appeared in videos on Facebook and at Aina's friend's wedding.
- The sock soap woman is a bit amusing, but still a stunningly feminine sexy and bold figure. For example, he goes on a date and tries to get an agreement with a dating partner about the rules of dating. For example, he wants to agree that dating will change from non-exclusive to exclusive after three months of dating. He's pretty wasted in the dating market and wondering about meining.
Creativity was one straw to separate. Likewise, an ironically named Hot Mamat community formed with fellow students with other divorces.
- I was really helped a lot by my ex-parents who were with the children. I also took an au pair. A certain acceptance of the circumstances was also helpful. That I do things as well as possible under the circumstances. I didn’t experience feelings of failure in divorce and I wasn’t ashamed. As a parent, I experienced inadequacy. Raising a child requires the whole village and one woman sometimes felt inadequate.
Always in half a year already held a first date.
- It didn't bother me in any way. I was more interested and enthusiastic about the new situation.
Connection to another important
- After the divorce, I have analyzed my life and in a relationship for a long time, and thought about it, how and with what kind of man I want to share my life in the future, always says.
Aina has no list of requirements.
- It is more a question of being able to build a deep mental and physical connection with another person. There must also be things to be done together.
Just hanging out is not enough.
After the man had moved away, I cried a lot, I ran and went to the forest screaming. - Iina
Difference than trauma
The day after the resignation news, Iina went to her school to take up training, and told her supervisor that she was away from work for a couple of days. Face to face, Iina could not say the reason for her absence.
- I went to the car, called him and told him that we would be divorced and that I would take a few days off, Iina says.
He “went to the bottom”.
- The difference was such a surprising and dramatic, trauma-like experience.
Accepting the difference took time. For about a month, Iina tried to convert her husband to continue the covenant, and set aside time for relationship therapists. The first therapist's assessment was that the man's head could not be turned. This was difficult for Iinan to swallow. He set aside time for the new therapist.
- I rattled for a month, and two months from Wednesday night I informed my husband that now would be the time to look for a new home.
Iina and her children stayed in the newly completed detached house.
- When the man had moved away, I cried a lot, I ran and went to the forest to shout.
Good friends act as Iina's shoulder. The occupational health doctor became an important gatekeeper.
- My request was just to talk to me and make sure I don't get depressed. The doctor promised this role.
Half a year after the resignation, Iina attended a resignation seminar. It was where the rapid recovery began when he was able to analyze the reasons for the divorce and find back his lost identity in everyday life.
As a goal man, he set himself a time limit: a year and a half. During that time, Iina decided to heap herself.
- I lost weight and exercised. I thought about my own values, I took care of the children. I met friends. I cared for myself really much, more than during the whole marriage.
- Conveyor wallet myself a note of what and who I am and what things are important to me. There were such words as a woman, a brave, a mother, a professional in my field. I also started to appreciate and take care of myself, this was somehow left out of the marriage. With the children, we also boldly began to make our dreams come true, we have, for example, gone on wonderful holiday trips that look like, for example, the Vietnamese countryside and Marrakesh.
Taking care of one's own self, learning it, was the best part.
- Wednesdays changed the rest of my life. All that I had built in ten years.
The difference was giving up both the husband and the family and the home that Iina had designed herself. Dreams and prospects for the future became new.
- The difference was the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me.
Love in the air
Aina and Iina are both proud to have “raised wonderful children and built lives of our own appearance”. Many dreams have come true, and there are enough plans for the future.
The podcast is also set to develop further. The second production season is in the planning. There is love in the air too.
The focus of the podcast is on providing peer support and coping tips.
Photo: Timo Pyykönen
The podcast was born out of a desire to help others who have gone through the difference or are thinking about it. Iina and Aina hope that the program will also convey thoughts and tips for managing the relationship between the listeners. The difference is not an inevitable solution, even in difficult situations.
In real life, Iina and Aina are Riina Aho, research manager, and Taina Roth, an entrepreneur and lawyer.
Iina and Aina 6 advice on coping with the difference
Take care of yourself, give yourself time to recover. Do things that will bring you joy. Tip: Often these are things you have been doing since you were young. Would it now be time to dig an old violin out of the closet?
Behave like an adult and keep children away from adult disagreements. Children need to be allowed to love both their parents and also be allowed to receive love from both.
Accept the difference and let your ex start your own life. Also accept that an ex may have a different way of caring for their parenting. Tip: If the situation is inflamed, communicate only on mandatory practical matters and via email. If you make up your mind to open up to your ex about feelings and the situation, you can write your thoughts about yourself instead of your ex.
Process your divorce, find the right ways for yourself: study for yourself, meditate, attend a divorce seminar, write a diary. Instead of making another accusation, also think about your own part. It can be good to be alone for a moment, no matter how teasing a new relationship feels.
Agree on financial matters and custody and visitation rights of children with your ex as soon as possible. This will help you move forward when there are no unresolved issues.
Accept the circumstances and make your life in these circumstances as good as possible. You can find ways to cope with peer support and, for example, by listening to Eropod.