"Father and mother did not believe me at first": RT spoke to the victims of pedophiles who remained unpunished

Dorina's story

A resident of Moscow, Dorina E., decided to tell her loved ones about the violence suffered in childhood only a year ago.

But, according to the girl, at first the parents did not believe her, and then they tried to forget about what happened.

Dorina is now 21. Big dark eyes and red hair.

A baggy black sweater.

She is a nanny in a children's cafe, she likes working with kids.

He says that he wants to be remembered for something good.

• © Photo from personal archive

- When you called me to arrange an interview, I was even a little scared.

For some reason I thought: you are from him.

- From him - from a pedophile?

- Yes.

My mother's brother raped me.

He knows that I have told about his crime.

- How long did it last for you?

- From about five to fourteen years old.

I don't remember exactly when he started harassing me - I didn't even go to school then.

We lived in Moldova, with my grandparents in the village.

Parents were not around - they went to Moscow to do repairs in apartments.

One of my first clear memories of my earlier childhood: I am lying in bed in my uncle's room, he is on me, suddenly a gate creaks outside the window.

Grandma came home.

Uncle quickly begins to dress so that no one suspects anything.

Then I was five, he was 16.

- You didn't try to tell anyone?

- No.

We did not have a trusting relationship in the family.

Grandmother and grandfather are from the village, they are not used to sharing feelings or personal problems.

There was always some kind of aggression in the house.

I remember how they chased me for a hat for half an hour: go for a hat, then don't go, then go again ... Once my grandfather decided to play me - he came up to me and asked me to close my eyes tightly.

When I closed my eyes, my grandfather slapped me in the face.

He thought it was funny.

Dorina begins to cry.

He wipes off the leaked mascara with a napkin.

Why did I just put on makeup before meeting with you? .. My parents stayed in Moscow, it was difficult for them to complain.

And not to say that at that time an intimacy was established with my mother or father - in their entire life they only told me a couple of times about their love.

- Did the pedophile threaten you?

- At first, he said that I should not tell anyone, so that everything remains between us.

Then he stopped - he just came to my room and began to rape me.

I've always cried.

Now it is difficult for me to defend my interests - I do not know how to argue.

In any conflict situation, I close myself, do not press and prefer to get away from the topic.

- When did you move to Moscow?

- I was six years old then.

My parents lived in Domodedovo, I moved to them to go to first grade in the fall.

Uncle stayed in Moldova - he completed his studies at a local college.

Then the harassment stopped for a while.

But every summer, during the holidays, I was sent back to the village where there was a pedophile.

I had an ambivalent attitude - on the one hand, I was happy to meet with him.

- Was it happy?

- I grew up with him, after all, he raised me.

This left a mark.

But at the same time I was afraid of him.

I didn't think all the time about violence against myself - the memories of this came in waves.

While I was not thinking, I was happy with my uncle, and then I remembered and began to be afraid.

At the age of eight there was one moment for which I am still ashamed ... I myself became the initiator, I was the first to climb to him ...

- What for?

- I don't remember already.

The psychologist explained to me that at that time my uncle was the only person in my life who showed at least some warmth.

I had nothing to compare such "warmth" with.

Apparently, sex for me has become an analogue of family love.

It was only at a transitional age that I realized how bad everything is.

The first time I fought back was 11 or 12 years old.

I was sent to Moldova for summer holidays.

In the house of my grandparents, my uncle began to aggressively undress me - I was able to fight back.

In the morning he asked what had suddenly happened to me, why I was not the same as usual.

I was wildly offended that he did not understand the abnormality of what was happening.

- Did your uncle touch you in Moscow?

- Yes.

A couple of years later, as my parents took me to their place, my mother's brother also moved to the capital.

He did not live permanently with us, but he often visited.

My uncle raped me when my parents went to the store or just asked me to sit with their little daughter.

- And nobody noticed anything?

- It's strange to me too: how could my mother not notice what is happening right under her nose?

It seems to me that people sometimes deliberately refuse to perceive information that is unpleasant for them.

- How did it end?

- I was in the seventh grade, I was again sent to the village for the summer.

By that time, I had rarely seen my uncle.

The pedophile came to visit his grandparents.

At some point, he started pawing at me, and then pulled back and said: "You are growing."

There was no sex.

He no longer tried to harass me - apparently, I became too old for him.

- How did you decide to tell your parents?

- A year ago, I already went to a psychologist, discussed my childhood.

The woman gave me homework: to open everything to dad and mom.

I wrote them two letters, sent them in the messenger and went to my friends in Odessa.

Calls from my parents started when I was on the train.

Dad called first, he thought I was hacked.

Mom, as it turned out later, first called the psychologist (her number was in the letter).

I postponed detailed communication until I returned to Moscow.

My father in person asked why I did not tell him first.

Then he yelled at me for going to the police to write a statement.

Then there was my long story about child abuse, my father cried a lot.

It seems to me that in the end he did believe.

But he never raises the topic of a pedophile, pretending that nothing happened.

- Do you often see him?

- No, not often.

I live separately, rent a room.

- How did mom react?

Do you see her?

- We communicate through instant messengers.

She divorced her dad some time ago and now lives in Israel, cleans up rich houses.

In response to my story, my mother said that life is punishing her.

It somehow happened that she herself was the main victim in her eyes.

At the beginning, my mother did not even believe me - she demanded a polygraph test.

Mom, by the way, told her brother about my accusations.

He then sent me voice messages (unfortunately, they were not saved) so that I would abandon my words.

The uncle has a wife and a child.

I asked my mother to give me their numbers to warn.

But she didn’t.

I do not know why.

I have not seen my mother personally for a long time, even when she learned about the violence against me, there was no question of returning from Israel and supporting me.

- You mentioned that you went to the police ...

- Yes, at Domodedovo.

They didn't even want to accept my application - in the department they advised me to start living from scratch.

The fact is that my uncle is not in Russia now, he went to work in Belgium.

The policeman said that it is difficult to prosecute a person who is not in Russia.

Plus I was told that if I could not prove the guilt of a pedophile, then I myself could be charged for perjury.

- Has your past affected your relationships with young people?

- I have no fear of sex, recently I even had one guy.

First time not with my uncle.

Everywhere they talk so much about the importance of sex, about its role in relationships ... Well, I decided to try it.

It all ended with my tears.

At some point, feelings, sensations flooded over me, I realized that I didn't like it.

I broke up with the guy, literally kicked him out of my life.

- Did he do something bad?

- No.

Everything was in agreement.

I just realized that I no longer want and cannot communicate with him.

Dorina dreams of leaving Russia sometime in the future for some northern country in the West.

According to the girl, she does not like the way parents treat their children in Russia.

Dorina thinks that family relationships are better abroad.

Anna's story

Anna Gulina, a 29-year-old resident of St. Petersburg, already has two children.

The woman owns a small shop for eco-products.

Anna does not hide that in the past she became a victim of a pedophile: her husband, eldest daughter and subscribers in social networks know about it.

Several years ago, a Petersburg woman openly spoke on her page about her childhood experiences.

Until recently, Anna's parents did not want to believe their daughter, because the girl says that a family friend turned out to be a pedophile.

• © Photo from personal archive

- How did it all start?

- Dad had a close friend, Uncle Volodya.

They worked together as design engineers at the St.

Karl Marx.

Parents often went to visit Volodya, taking my sister and me with them.

Dad's friend did not have a family, he lived alone in the apartment, it was convenient for him to arrange gatherings.

I was then about five years old, my sister was nine.

During such general meetings, Volodya pestered us.

- To you and your sister?

- Yes.

When the parents were sitting in the kitchen or in the living room, Volodya played with us.

You know how they play with small children: tickled, tossed.

We ran and laughed.

During such games, he crawled under our dresses with his hands, touched intimate places.

At first I didn't think that Volodya was doing something wrong, and then I just got used to it.

The older sister understood more and tried to resist, but her father's friend threatened her.

He said that no one would believe his sister that she would be kicked out of the house if she told someone.

- Did your parents see anything?

- No, they thought we were having fun with their friend.

At one point, Volodya locked himself with me in the toilet, began to show me his penis.

After that, even I, five years old, got worried - then I tried not to leave my parents when we were visiting Volodya.

It seems to me that he molested his sister more.

For her, this is still a sore subject, she did not even tell me everything that Volodya did with her.

- You didn't tell your parents?

- No.

We did not have a trusting relationship.

Dad was one of those who are called a home tyrant.

Mom tried not to interfere in anything.

I was already 14 years old when I told my dad that his friend was a pedophile.

The two of us went somewhere on vacation.

He did not believe me then - he said that I had teenage corrals.

- How and when did the harassment end?

- At some point, the relationship between dad and Volodya cooled down, we stopped visiting him with the whole family.

Dad's friend didn't bother us anymore.

- You didn't want to find and punish this Volodya when you grew up?

- I was 15 when he died.

Honestly, I was relieved then.

Now I have no desire to avenge my childhood grievances.

Mom, though not immediately, but believed me.

I haven't communicated with my dad in recent years, I can only hope that he took my words seriously.

- You have two children.

Do you somehow prepare them for a possible meeting with a pedophile?

You know better than anyone that no one is immune from this.

- The eldest daughter is now nine, she already knew at five that no one has the right to touch her without her consent.

Sexprosvet is one of the main sciences in our family.

The daughter knows what the genitals are called, where the children come from, why grown-up uncles cannot go under the girls' skirt.

There are many books for children about puberty in the house.

I am sure that when my daughter grows up and starts to communicate with boys, she will not do something stupid.

- You weren't brought up like that?

Are you now giving children knowledge that you yourself were deprived of?

- Right.

In my childhood, sex was taboo.

Lord, my mother didn't even say anything about my period.

When my first critical days began, my older sister explained everything to me.

Anna's youngest son is now three years old.

Parents plan in two years and explain everything to him about the relationship between men and women.

How to protect a child from a pedophile?

“The most important thing is that there should be trust between parents and their child.

If a child is simply afraid to confess with dad and mom, then he can keep silent about the pedophile.

After all, the child does not understand whether they will scold him or not, '' explained the child psychologist Olga Osipova to RT.

- The molester can intimidate the victim, prohibit talking to adults about the harassment.

Parents should explain to the child that they will never be scolded for talking about possible harassment.

Children should be taught from an early age that the body belongs only to them.

Adults, except for mom and dad, have no right to touch intimate places.

The rest must ask permission.

You can't do without minimal sexual education - you have to talk about the genitals, intimate places and why you can't touch them without permission.

Unfortunately, there is no universal advice for all occasions.

It is clear that the child will still be touched: the kindergarten teachers, the music teacher - to correct the posture, the position of the hands ... The child should be told about each such case, and the parents should take them apart separately, praising the child for the revelation.

What if you suspect you have met a pedophile?

“There is no concrete evidence - still write a statement to the Investigative Committee.

The duty to prove lies with the law enforcement authorities.

The investigator will have to check and answer you.

In the end, it's better to play it safe than let the culprit go.

If you don't want to go straight to the authorities, you can inform the public.

For example, our hotline (8 800 250 98 96) works around the clock, ”said Anna Levchenko, director of the monitoring center for identifying dangerous and prohibited content, leader of the“ Hand over a pedophile ”movement to RT.