Sex in the Covid era: less contact but more flirting

• Confinement: Abstention, masturbation and self-care, the new sexual guidelines during the coronavirus
• BDSM: The Taste of the Whip: Why Spanking Excites Us

In the year that we believed we had everything under control and were more modern than ever, reality has left us immersed in the paradox. If in January they talked about suckers, in June they are no longer discussed but are used even more, because the pandemic has forced people to enjoy certain sexual practices to the detriment of others, those in which, another paradox, does not exist physical contact.

There are even new phrases: "Sexual encounters between non-cohabitants," says the writer and sexologist Valerie Tasso , to refer to the situation of single people who, in recent months, have reinvented their pleasures. A fact: Tasso is also the ambassador for the erotic products brand LELO and says that, "at some points in the quarantine, sales in Spain on its website increased by up to 72%".

“Given the impossibility of having sex with other people physically, whether they are singles or people who have not been able to quarantine with their partners, there are those who have seen their desire diminish until they become lethargic, while others have become overwhelmed by not being able to knowing what to do without sex, ”Tasso frames, who, before any other recommendation, insists that“ we use our heads and common sense ”.

"What gives me the most worries me is that the Covid-19 is the perfect excuse for repressive ideologues and Puritans who are going to make abstinence their motto, or, on the contrary, that the sex gurus who advocate unbridled sexuality appear . We already know that extremes are bad, "he warns.

Other sexologists, such as Iván Rotella and Diana Fernádez Saro , members such as Tasso of the Spanish Association of Sexology Professionals (AEPS), also insist on "restructuring erotica in the new reality". "Having satisfactory relationships will depend on how comfortable we are in the new scenario," says Fdez. Saro.

Rotella even speaks of "radical restriction" : "For single people, confinement has been a necessary restructuring of their erotic life. Contact apps became chat and knowledge apps of the other or the other and sexting the only possibility of erotic exchange with other people ».

And this is how, by pure necessity, distance sex has become a sexual resource . Sexologist Nayara Malnero quickly saw that the changes would be fat and has just published with Planeta Sexo a Distancia. How to keep enjoying in Covid times . A compendium of recommendations for neophytes to make entering cybersex , virtual sex, sexting , audiosexting and even the exchange of sexual videos and photographic material as pleasant as possible. And also that nobody gets damaged later.

“The first thing to keep in mind is that sharing someone else's intimate content without their consent is legally punishable. After that, what I always recommend is to use apps with peer-to-peer encryption that delete the content in a certain time and not give out important personal data, or show your face or other identifying elements ».

This would be here I catch you ... translated to digital. But, according to these sexologists, during the quarantine there have also been all kinds of virtual relationships that, in the de-escalation, are gradually becoming physical . And there are people who have never had distance sex before. "There is an obvious rise," says Rotella, "and it has gone from almost adolescent practice to the reality of many people and couples. Starting from the need for security and trust with the person or people with whom you play, it can be a fun and very intense option, if you like it ”.

Spokesperson Cecilia Bizzotto

How do you think, based on your professional experience, that sexual misconduct, especially single people, are experiencing? What relational future do they have and how can they guide them to covid free sex?

Confinement has been especially difficult for single people, whose testimonies we find on the JOYclub forums. Many single men and women have decided to be part of our social network especially at this historical moment in which the management of loneliness has been complicated. Here they have found a community in which to share their experiences, emotions and bring eroticism to their day to day.

Although at the moment there is a diversity of phases of the de-escalation and, therefore, not all of us have the same possibilities of meeting, little by little the single people are beginning to meet in private meetings. We are also witnessing this at JOYclub, where our members also bet on dates with people from their environment. They are still timid and prudent proposals, taking place mainly between very close circles.

Although contact has been complicated and we cannot have the same type of relationships as before COVID19, at JOYclub we have offered alternatives to our members so that they can enjoy a new form of sexuality. One of them is the possibility of VideoChats within the platform and with other members, thus facilitating virtual sexual encounters.

From the beginning the recommendations have been abstention, masturbation and remote sex. Do you think that one option is more recommended than another depending on the personal situation of each one?

From JOYclub, a social network for adults recently arrived in Germany from Spain, her spokeswoman Cecilia Bizzotto highlights that "not all of us have the same chances of meeting and that little by little single people are starting to meet in private meetings." We are also witnessing this at JOYclub, where our members also bet on dates with people from their environment. They are still timid and prudent proposals, taking place especially between very close circles, "he says.

In their virtual chats or meetings, members can have remote sex. What they do not recommend from this network is abstention.

"We will never bet on it. Masturbation, virtual sex and eroticism at a distance make loneliness more bearable and open the door to social reopening. We consider abstention to be frustrating and does not prepare us to face the future. Sex is a a very important part of our day to day, being a facet that we cannot leave aside ".

For Almudena M. Ferrer , sexologist and organizer of the Bread & Sex workshops, “the common denominator at this moment is that we leave the confinement with a great desire to be with other people . Those who used networks to flirt have invested a lot of time to get to know each other, have had virtual sex and now it seems that it is time to touch. We must also assume that there are people who are psychologically damaged and that we have spent almost three months without moving too much. Although we have tried to play sports at home, it is likely that we are not in our best physical moment either, "she highlights.

"Over the last decades, the appearance of other viruses, such as HIV, forced us to rethink the way of relationship and the importance of protection. The Covid-19 is going to take us one step further in knowledge and communication with people, "predicts Rotella.

Respect, an analog and digital maxim

We have been taught that, in relationships, respect for the other prevails and, now, it seems that we already know that this also applies to virtual life. Says sexologist Diana Fernández Saro that "it is essential that we learn to manage intimacy, privacy and respect in our relationships inside and outside the network." It is also imperative to protect yourself psychologically and not believe that you can easily go from digital to analog.

“It is important to anticipate that the relationship will change and may end. Whatever happens, everything shared in that relationship must be kept private even if it ends. Not doing it is a crime »he insists.

We have known in recent years events of people who have seen how their sex life was shared from mobile to mobile. And for sexology professionals, the current moment is an opportunity to learn the good ways that cyber sex demands.

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

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