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"At night all cats are gray," says the proverb. If the darkness or the extremely subdued moods are favorable to the sensuality, it is also because they have the advantage of erasing at the sight of the other an ill-assured bead, or an aging body that one is afraid of exposing too much. And yet, sight also participates in sexual pleasure, to the point that some people struggle to have relations in total darkness. So, with or without light? In the show Sans Rendez-Vous on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychiatrist, answers to a listener who can not reach agreement on this point with her companion.
Marguerite's question
"I have been in a relationship for eight months with a new companion, he would like us to make love by letting the light on, but I do not want to because I am complexed by my body, what do you recommend?"
Catherine Blanc's answer
"Generally, the difficulty to accept the light during love is more on the feminine side, whereas the man tends to wish it.We are not always, according to the periods of his life, in the same tranquility to expose his body, to offer it to the other, it's a real subject within the couple.
The woman is often too worried about herself. Paradoxically, we need black when we are too much looking at each other, when we are angry with our bodies, when we focus on this bead, or on this falling breast, while we are in an exercise - make love - during which the body is abused enough. We must make peace with ourselves.
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Why is it easier for humans to come out in the bright light?
In the male construction, the relation to sexuality passes by the discovery of his penis, and the possibility of seeing it. The man, who used to build himself by looking at his penis, by measuring his penis, observing all the capacities of this sex, wants to see what he will be able to face another sex, and this with an almost pornographic look.
Conversely, for women, seeing sex is a more complicated story. The woman is thus more worn by the imagination. To make love in the dark, independently of the questions of personal modesty, is a way of letting go of this imaginary, of imagining the other in the expression of one's own fantasies.
How to resolve this conflict, between male exhibitionism and feminine modesty?
We can for example say one shot, one shot the other. To make love in the dark is to give oneself time to apprehend the other, to make our imagination work. Men often tend to deprive themselves of this path. It can give you the opportunity to take the measure of the body of the other, to feel it differently because we do not know where it is, because we discover the breasts of his partner by taking them in his hands rather than looking at them, etc. From then on, darkness accompanies a new form of perception.
A soft and cuddly light, like that of candles, can also offer a happy medium. No need for surgical lighting. The interest of sexuality is also to play with the veil of modesty, to discover lightly, to hide again. "