EUROPE 1 ACCOMPANES YOU
How to get back on track after a divorce, at age 50? How to deal with novelty? In the program Sans Rendez-Vous on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychiatrist, answers the question of a listener who feels ridiculous and afraid of being awkward facing the circumcised penis of her new lover. Behind this fear lies above all a sexuality to relearn and lost landmarks.
Françoise's question
"Divorced after 25 years of marriage, I have just met a wonderful man, at 50 I should not be worried about sexuality, but I have no reference point and I feel a bit ridiculous because it's the first time I'm going out with a circumcised man, I'm afraid of being clumsy and hurting him.
Catherine Blanc's answer
"First of all, Françoise has not lost her sexuality but has to get back on her feet, in a relationship of seduction, in the discovery of a new body and in the face-to-face with new eyes and hands. It is going to recondition itself, to reconsider itself, it is weakening but in the good sense of the word.
Behind this question, it is very interesting because there is always this idea that what we know how to do, we must repeat it loop. 'I had a man in my life, I had two, three, four: I know the instructions'. For those who know him, he has only to repeat it to infinity. Which is extremely sad. It is not taking note of the specificity of each. For once, when there is a different penis, a circumcised, for example, it requires to note that it is different. It is a very good thing.
It's a bit like reliving a second "first time"?
Exactly, it's the magic of discovery. Saying 'well, but it's like a penis, well, but do not hurt, how to caress, what can this man want?' All his bearings are lost. When she stroked a penis uncircumcised, she played this foreskin that slides on the glans. And there, suddenly, it's going to be his hand. But a hand can be dry against a penis that is not yet lubricated. So this requires a new way to caress him, to touch him, to conceive him without thinking that he is in sugar.
Obviously, it will be fine. We would know it if it did not go well considering the number of men circumcised for medical, religious, or aesthetic reasons, on the surface of the earth. But it is destabilizing: it can not happen strong of his acquired knowledge. And you have to undress with your 50 years, you have to approach another sex. She is afraid of hurting as if she feels guilty.
Is sexuality at age 50 no more fulfilling for a woman?
If she is not caught by the anxiety of her aging, or pre-menopausal problems, or menopause that can destabilize her, obviously at age 50, a woman is more in peace. She has of course lost her mark of perfect skin, of firmness but she has gained in knowledge, in humor on herself. What makes our sexuality is not the perfect match of the perfect body, it is our tranquility on the subject because we are quiet towards ourselves. There is a real difference between a young woman entering the social and sexual life and a woman who has had babies, who has a job, who has accomplished things. They expect less than men to reassure them about themselves. So they are more generous, more pro-active. A new relationship at age 50 is a moment of great openness. And then at 50, it's very easy to ask for instructions. "