Sexual life does not end after fifty. Yet, past a certain age, doubts can appear. And complicate relationships. On Monday, in Sans rendez-vous, the program Santé d'Europe 1, the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc tells us about these doubts, their causes, and helps us overcome them.
The question of Léon, 50 years
"I've been single for about ten years, I'm having a hard time finding someone who suits me, I find that the match between two people has become more difficult than when I was young, what do you think ? "
Catherine Blanc's answer
After a certain age, it is true that one has more desire, openness to oneself, projects for oneself. So we expect more from the other, not just to be a body or to be friendly as was the case in the playground. We want to have projects, to give meaning to the relationship. This is a bit more demanding and it can actually make it more difficult 'matches' between two people.
Is there a "cap" of fifty, after which relations would be more difficult?
Above all, there is the idea of having a certain age. If you feel old at age 50, you risk leaving with a certain handicap. We'll say 'will I be up to the challenge', 'will I be interested in the other', 'have not I passed the age of all this bullshit'? All this stuff that we put in the head and for which we sclerose.
Women often ask themselves a lot of questions around the age of 40, because that's when they will let go of fertility. Men are often quieter on this subject of fertility. What often worries them is their social position. When one is 50, the professional reception is not the same, the fear of losing a job is not the same. Men need to check their power by lots of ways. Sexuality is basically part of it. As a result, at age 50, you feel more vulnerable, not to mention the physiology that can lead to difficulty in the relationship.
But the age of 50 can be a moment of great peace, because one can take a step back from things. Or on the contrary of great anxiety, when one is afraid of not having an erection, or that ejaculation does not arrive at the right moment for example. It is this idea that poses a problem in the relationship, more than the physiological reality.
Is it not even more difficult when, like Leon, celibacy has lasted for some time?
Celibacy is a great thing because it's full of possibilities. Creativity can arise from this situation. Except to be encysted in this position of celibacy: Leon may have made his own little world, and this little world leaves little room for the other. Celibacy is often a way of being between oneself and oneself. And then it can be difficult to get out of these little habits, to eat at such an hour, to go to such a place at such an hour. The relationship requires openness and self-movement.