- Our series “Cassé (s) Net” explores the impact of our digital uses on our mental health.
- Erwan, 28, is addicted to the dating sites he has frequented for the past ten years.
- “Seeing that we can please and that we match on your profile is a way of reassuring yourself, it gives you self-confidence. But it quickly becomes addictive, ”explains the young man.
Here is the story of Erwan, 28, addicted to dating apps. His testimony is part of our series “Broken (s) Net” which explores the impact of our digital uses on our mental health. Hypochondria, dependence, FoMo syndrome ( fear of missing out , the fear of missing something) ... Each episode will illustrate, with the help of a testimony, a symptom of these abuses.
If your online practices make you or have made you sick, write to us at lbeaudonnet@20minutes.fr, hbounemoura@20minutes.fr and hsergent@20minutes.fr.
“Like most young people of my generation, I started using dating sites about ten years ago, around the age of 18. A bit like everyone at the time. And then I very quickly took a liking to it, because I liked the concept. And I never really got off the hook. So much so that today, dating apps are an integral part of my life, they punctuate my daily life, and especially my moods. I feel the need to go there every day, to like the photos of the profiles that I like, and especially to match. The fact of discussing, of pleasing, is something really pleasant, which I really cannot do without today. To multiply the pleasure, I go to several dating sites at the same time - Levoo, Badoo, Happn, Adopte un mec - but my main hunting ground is Tinder.
I can sometimes spend hours on it. As a general rule, I go there four to five times a day, as soon as I have a little time, in the morning when I wake up, in public transport, during lunch, in the evening before going to bed ... that I have a little free time during the day, I consult my apps. I stay there until I have seen all my games, which is about an hour a day, maybe even more sometimes. I also go there on weekends, and even when I'm on vacation. It's simple, I can't do without it, it's like a drug. Every match makes me feel better, it's so addicting!
"Seeing that we can please and that we match on your profile, it's a way of reassuring yourself, it gives self-confidence"
Going on dating sites has now become a need, a necessity for me. It's like a virtual world where anything is possible, and where everything is easier. Seeing that we can please and that we match on your profile is a way of reassuring yourself, it gives self-confidence. If it leads to something, to a meeting, so much the better! If not too bad ... To see that we can please other women, it always pleases, it flatters his ego. I couldn't explain it to you, but it gives me a lot of good to go to these sites. It's just a feeling of fulfillment, of well-being. We have the impression of making “our market”, but we are ultimately never satisfied and we always want to find better.
I am well aware that I spend a lot of time on these sites. In the end, that represents hundreds of hours per year to swipe on profiles. For some, it's wasted time. Others are much more addicted than me, they are on it from morning to night, and no longer even have a social life. Fortunately, I am not there yet. Even though I know that today I am literally addicted to it. The addiction for these sites is even worse than for video games. I wouldn't mind not having my game console for two days. On the other hand, not being able to connect to the apps, that would be a real ordeal. I would feel a real lack ...
“Even when I'm in a relationship, I can't help but go. I feel an irrepressible desire, it's stronger than me "
It's a real addiction, and I realize it every day. Even when I'm in a relationship, I can't help but consult them. I feel an irrepressible desire, it's stronger than me. It's not the meetings that make me addicted, it's the matches, the fact of being able to scroll through the photos, to like them and to have a discussion. It's all this game of seduction ... I have this need to want to please all the time, even when I have a fulfilling life as a couple. Dating sites play on this feeling, on this addiction, everything is done to attract people and make them addicted. I got caught up in this game. Besides, as soon as there is a new app, or that I discover one that I do not know yet, I feel obliged to download it, and go for it. a lap. But I don't see myself as a "victim". Because even if I know that I spend too much time there, the dating sites also helped me a lot, because I was very shy before. I have a lot more confidence today, even when approaching women in real life. "
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