- Our series “Cassé (s) Net” explores the impact of our digital uses on our mental health.
- This week, Sylvain tells how his addiction to pornographic sites was born.
Here is the story of Sylvain, 33 years old, addicted to porn sites. His testimony is part of our series “Broken (s) Net” which explores the impact of our digital uses on our mental health. Hypochondria, dependence, FoMo syndrome ( fear of missing out , the fear of missing something) ... Each episode will illustrate, with the help of a testimony, a symptom of these abuses.
If your online practices are making you or have made you sick, write to us at lbeaudonnet@20minutes.fr; hbounemoura@20minutes.fr and hsergent@20minutes.fr.
“I grew up with the Internet, and in my early teens, like most teens, I started researching information about sexuality. At the beginning, we type what we want on Google, what we want. Kid, we start with magazines, pictures, a few photos, girls in bra, lingerie. Naked women in photos. And, one thing leading to another, we are browsing the Internet and we come across sites that lead us to better sites, etc. I am thinking of Xvideo or Xhamster, for example.
We get hooked pretty quickly because everything is done for. But you don't realize it right away, especially when you're young. At first I didn't think I had a problem. Normally, watching porn is not a big deal. There is no problem when you drink a glass of wine, but when you drink a bottle of vodka a day, it creates physical problems. It's like being an alcoholic. In pornography addiction, you have to look at the quantity, the time you spend there and the impact it has on your life. As soon as you start watching porn and return to it often, you already have an addiction.
"In personal life, we are much less excited by real girls, if not at all"
We see the same symptoms as for other substances. It changes behavior. I feel a loss of energy and motivation. When I was studying, I was exhausted during exams. I was completely demotivated and this fatigue, this lack of interest, affects all areas of life. Personally, my consumption is variable. I spend about two hours a day there. And in personal life, I'm a lot less turned on by real girls, if at all. I feel a big drop in libido. I am much less interested because I am already satisfied with these sirens, this virtual world. The brain thinks it is reality, it is satisfied so it does not need anything else. In front of a real girl, nothing happens.
On the Internet, it is perfection, there are enormous quantities. I have access to whatever I want for free, 24 hours a day, that's the immediate reward. I can not find this level of happiness, perfection in real life, it is impossible.
I understood that it was an addiction, by wandering around on certain forums, like Reddit or, before that, 4Chan, American sites for young people. I saw that some were talking about the support site "NoFap", "fap" in English is male masturbation. They wrote: "I can't do it", "it's hard". I was intrigued, I did not know. And, I looked at what it was. They are sure and certain that pornography and masturbation cause a lot of trouble.
"Our brain is used to having a lot of dopamine and we don't have enough"
At first I didn't quite believe it, but when I tried to quit pornography and masturbation, I realized I was in a really weird state, like withdrawal. I felt a great irritability and, at the same time, a huge boost of motivation. It was sort of a cocktail with a lot of changes. The impact on the brain is strong. Having more energy and more motivation is great, but it's very hard to overcome impulses. And even if we stop for a few days, it is not enough to resolve erectile dysfunction, even in front of a girl that we find exciting, that we love a lot. The brain is used to having a lot of dopamine and it doesn't have enough.
In front of a video, I do not have these erectile dysfunction. But after a while, as with all addictions, you have to increase the doses, increase the level of excitement, the level of hardcore content. For many porn addicts, mere pornographic images are not enough. They need to watch very specific videos to find the same excitement. We are looking for videos that excite us as much as possible, it can go towards submission, more hardcore practices such as bukkake [Japanese term for the ejaculation of several men on the face of a woman], for example.
"Addictologists in hospitals do not know this type of addiction"
I tried to get help from specialists, it didn't work very well. I went to see the Dasa (Affective and Sexual Dependents Anonymous), it is the same principle as Alcoholics Anonymous. Telling your story in a group, I don't see how that helps. We have two godfathers, we're supposed to call each other, but I'm not going to call my godfather ten times a day, that's not possible… I tried an addictologist too, it was supposed to be a spawner. Addictologists in hospitals do not know this type of addiction. When they receive us, they think it is hash, alcohol… And when we talk about pornography, they say: “I don't know”.
I was recommended a second, a little more specialized in porn. He asked me to take stock of the situation: how long I watch a video, how many videos, how often… There isn't much more happening. I saw it three or four times, but I was not motivated. I thought it would be possible to have a substitute. In my head, it was obvious that if you feel a lack of dopamine, there must be a drug, like methadone for drug addicts. Without methadone, they cannot get by. I looked on the Internet, I did my research, I asked them. No, there is nothing for this addiction. It's a substanceless addiction, it's not alcohol, it's not drugs. We don't ingest anything, we don't prick ourselves, so there is no substitute.
"I no longer want to have this addiction, I want to become normal again"
To become “normal” again, the recommendations of NoFap, it is 90 days without watching porn or masturbating. 90 days is a very long time, I couldn't hold out. I made a lot of attempts, there is a day counter on the site. My record must be 57 days. And again, I was watching a bit of porn, I had cut down a lot, but I just couldn't quite stop. They recommend a life of a monk for 90 days. It's very difficult to cut yourself off and deal with all the urges. It's a need, like an alcoholic who needs his fix, so masturbation will make you want to go and watch porn even more. We will not be able to resist.
I don't want to have this addiction anymore, I want to get back to normal. I never had long relationships, only short stories. The addiction has to play out, but I've been in it for a long time, it's hard to compare. At first I didn't talk about it, now I wouldn't mind talking about my addiction to a girl. I ended up telling my parents not long ago. We don't say it because it's very embarrassing. Who is going to go tell their family, "I watch too much porn"? It sounds stupid. I did it anyway from the moment I identified that it was an illness and that it affected the rest of my life. Alcohol we know, cocaine we know. But what about pornography? Nobody talks about it. "
- Site
- Digital
- Masturbation
- Addiction
- By the Web
- Porn