It's night in Qatar. Stars shine over the desert. A man places two camels 7.32 meters apart and tells them to stop there. A little further away from the camels, he places a ball in the sand and begins to walk backwards through the desert with counted steps. When a cloud disappears in front of the moon, you can see the man better. It's Cristiano Ronaldo. He now stands there with his legs apart like in a Wild West film and calls to the camels.
Ronaldo: Don't move!
You are the goalposts, the gate of Morocco!
Quarterfinals!
The camels stare at him.
Ronaldo: I'm about to take one of my dreaded free kicks!
The CR7 Special Free Kicks!
We don't need a goalkeeper, he doesn't stand a chance anyway!
First Camel: Do you want to tell him?
Second Camel: Dear you.
First camel: (shouting:) We heard that you're back on the bench against Morocco.
Ronaldo: Shut up!
CR7 on the bench?!
The coach doesn't dare to do that again!
Since when did camels know about soccer?
First camel: We hate football, we're boycotting the World Cup, we're not taking part.
Ronaldo: Are you gay or what?
Second camel: Nah, but football is unnatural in Qatar.
We're usually the stars here.
camel race!
First Camel: We are professionals.
I am K1 and he is K2.
Second camel: We also have medical checks.
Nobody here is really interested in football!
Ronaldo: Shut up.
You're a Moroccan goalpost now, I'm about to shoot!
Quarterfinals!
Second camel: He suffers from loss of reality.
This often happens with people.
Ronaldo: What are you mumbling about?
Second camel: Oh, nothing.
Ronaldo: Hey, I can hit the post too!
I'll shoot you with a CR-7 shot in the Augsburger Puppenkiste where you belong!
He tries to convert the free kick, but shoots many meters wide of the goal.
First camel: Oh wow... my grandmother would have done that without a goalkeeper.
Second Camel: The truth is in the desert.
First camel: My father always said: Resign with dignity before it's too late.
Ronaldo runs after the ball. He now takes a corner and tries to chase the ball and head it into the goal himself - but it falls to the sand. He repeats the corner, runs, falls again.
Second camel: It seems to me like a sick camel that can't even get into the box.
Both camels look at Ronaldo with pity.
First Camel: Did you see the press before Ronaldo on the bench against Switzerland?
If you're wounded, the whole pack will attack you.
As in the animal kingdom.
Second camel: They take you up the elevator and they take you down the elevator.
That's how the media is.
First Camel: Such is the world.
Ronaldo sees a tall man sitting lonely in the desert sand.
Ronaldo: Hey you, aren't you Oliver Bierhoff??
can you kick me a corner
I'm CR7, I want to make it 1-0!
Quarterfinals!
I'm still one goal away from breaking Eusebio's World Cup record!
Oliver Bierhoff stares straight ahead, then he gets up and doesn't take the corner, but runs towards the moon on the horizon as if he wants to disappear into it.
First Camel: What's that over there?
(points to a dune) Do you see that?
Second camel: A very small human.
(Thinks) Do you know the French story The Little Prince?
Ronaldo: Messi!
… are you Messi or Jim Button?
You are Messi!
(Runs towards the dune)
Save me, save me... The World Cup is boycotting me... Tell the world I'm still CR7!
... I'm CR7, who else?!
... And you're Messi, We're still the best!
Shoot the corner!
... you shoot, I head ...
Ronaldo runs towards Messi, but the moment he is about to hug him, he hugs the air.
First camel: It must have been a mirage.
In the distance on a street a yellow-blue-green bus passes. It's the Seleção's bus. He stops, 26 Brazilians get out and dance a few dances of celebration in the desert, as if they had just won against Croatia. Then the Seleção bus continues – to the airport.
Second camel: do you like samba?
First Camel: Yes.
Very …
They dance like Brazilians. Ronaldo sits on the sand and cries. He is suddenly old and the world has forgotten him.
The author is one of the leading playwrights of his generation. His new book “Our Complicated Life” will be published in January.