The German team is already at home, the newspapers are full of analyzes of the embarrassment.
Only Thomas Müller has been sitting in the locker room at the stadium in Qatar for 96 hours, still in the shirt he probably wore for his last international match.
He stares at the wall, motionless, empty, only sometimes a gentle smile crosses his face when he thinks back to Rio de Janeiro, to the title.
Suddenly he hears a strange noise, a groan, the cabin door slowly opens, but no one comes in.
This is spooky.
Then Müller sees a strange being, it looks a bit like Gollum from "Lord of the Rings", only more compact, but it also has features from Matthias Sammer, Lothar Matthäus and Stefan Effenberg.
The creature can barely walk, has pushed open the door with its head and is crawling across the cabin floor.
Müller (startled):
Oh, what are you?!
The creature groans, can hardly speak.
It's also very slippery and dirty and keeps slipping away.
At some point, Müller thinks he understands.
Müller:
You are the mentality monster?!
Mentality monster:
Yes, the German one...
(moans, groans)
Müller:
You're really really late!
We're already out!
Mentality monsters:
Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
Müller:
Where have you been?!
Mentality Monster:
In the Japanese!
I had to get out of there first!
Mueller:
Huh?
How can the German mentality monster be in the Japanese?
Mentality Monster:
I wonder that too... You have no idea what I've been through!
The Japanese were after me all the time in Qatar, in the desert, shopping on the Corniche, I even fled to the mosque once, but it was no use.
They caught me just before the first group game.
Ritsu Doan devoured me!
Müller:
Ritsu Doan from SC Freiburg?
He scored against us and against Spain!
Mentality monster:
That's right, I was there...
Müller:
But you're one of us!
Why didn't you stick in us??
Mentality Monster:
Why, why?
… Because the Japanese wanted me!
You didn't even try to get me, I even yelled for help, but none of you came!
You are way too slow.
Müller:
Now at least I know what you look like.
Do you already have a bit of Loddar and Effe.
Mentality Monster:
Some say I have my grandfather Oliver Kahn's eyes.
I used to have hair like Paul Breitner.
Müller:
But why are you so slippery?
Mentality monster:
I had to squirm my way out of the Japanese like through a tunnel.
The monster crawls with difficulty onto the bench next to Müller and takes a deep breath.
Müller:
Now we're sitting here...
Mentality monster:
I actually didn't want to go to you, I wanted to go to the Moroccans.
I'm doing this with Morocco now.
Müller:
That crazy things always have to happen to me!
After the shitty Japan game, a captain's armband texted me, and suddenly she was able to speak too!
Mentality Monster:
The One Love Bandage?
Müller:
Yes, football has changed for us.
Suddenly things are different.
About human rights and such.
Mentality Monster:
I think that's good.
You can also be for human rights as a mentality monster, but we still don't fit together anymore.
Müller:
You want to finally separate?
Mentality monster:
I can't imagine being involved with Werner or Schlotterbeck in the future.
Müller:
How about Kimmich or Goretzka?
Mentality monster:
I had hoped, I had already explained to you: the Japanese wanted me more!
They were greedier, dirtier, although they always clean up their cabin immaculately.
Müller:
Please don't leave us!
The European Championships will soon be in Germany...
Mentality monster:
Oh, you know, you Germans always make such a circus about being the good guys.
You have become good philistines.
Müller:
Is that bad now?
Mentality Monster:
Nah, but not for me.
I'm a monster of passion.
Sometimes I want the incorrect, I want greed, dirt, storm, urge and blood.
Müller:
Now I know where I saw you.
In the World Cup final in Brazil, when Bastian Schweinsteiger was tackled on the field.
I think you peeked out of Schweinsteiger's wound for a moment.
A jolt went through us all!
Mentality Monster:
Yes, that was me.
Glad you remember.
Do you remember what Christoph Kramer said when he woke up from his coma in the finale?
An Argentine had rammed him.
Müller:
"Referee, is that the final?
I have to know that.” Crazy statement, I was wrong.
Mentality Monster:
That's what I said, I spoke out of Kramer, I really didn't know exactly where I was.
"Ah, in the final!" I said to myself, then I went straight to Schweinsteiger, I liked him.
Müller:
I still dream of Brazil, those were the days!
Mentality Monster:
I didn't think you guys were that good on the ball before, but you were brave, fresh and sexy.
Müller:
But now we're super on the ball!
Now we would be perfect!
Mentality Monster:
That's the tragedy...
The door opens and the Moroccan national team enters the dressing room for the round of 16, full of spirit and fighting spirit.
Mentality monster:
Well, Müller, I have to go.
Müller:
Don't go, please stay... The DFB could organize couple therapy for us...
Mentality Monster:
Goodbye, goodbye...
The author is one of the leading playwrights of his generation. His new book “Our Complicated Life” will be published in January.