BEIRUT – Many studies have touched on the issue of the age difference between spouses and its impact on the success or failure of the relationship between them, as well as on family life in general, and while some studies considered that the large age difference is ideal - especially if the wife finds in her man the image of the father - other studies have seen that this difference may generate severe marital disputes that would reach divorce.

Research has found that the small age difference between the two partners is one of the factors leading to successful marriage and a healthy family atmosphere.

According to Bscholarly, a happy relationship between couples is achieved when the age difference is between one and seven years.

Those who choose to disparity in age must first make sure that their feelings are sincere and that they are able to see things through the same lens or at least from a close point of view, and most importantly that they are ready to accept compromises that will become necessary at certain stages in their lives together, and to adhere to love, understanding and respect for the other, in addition to convergence of ideas, especially those related to moral and social values and principles.

Ideal Difference

The Healthy Journal published that the ideal age difference between spouses should range between one and 3 years, but one study indicated that a marriage based on maturity with one of the parties is successful and has a lot of understanding and stability, while another study showed that 56% of women prefer to associate with men older than them by years (from 5 to 15 years), believing that they will feel more secure and stable.

Psychotherapist Lodi Makki believes that the approaching age of men and women who are about to marry increases their cultural, intellectual and psychological rapprochement and paves the way for a successful relationship between them, but psychologists have not identified a preferred age difference between the spouses.

Experience would be better than two years and no more than 8 years.

However, the impact of the age difference between spouses decreases as they age and mature, so the difference becomes less important when the elderly marry, as their marriage does not stem from the desire to have children, but from friendliness, maturity, intellectual compatibility and the desire to participate in life, according to Makki.

Lodi Makki: Every marriage project is governed by social and psychological factors and conditions that differ from other relationships (Al Jazeera)

Disadvantages of the big difference

Makki advises that the age difference between spouses should be from two to five years in order to be a reason for communication and compatibility between them, considering that the big difference in marriage has its disadvantages, the most important of which are:

  • Lack of understanding, as after a few years differences in views appear between the two, whether in different interests or social activities.
  • The older party tries to change the thinking of the younger party under the pretext that he is more experienced, which causes many problems later that lead to poor married life.
  • Different goals, the younger party has goals in married life to start a family, play with children and share the moments of their lives, while the goals of the older party are to achieve wealth and retirement.

Younger partner

Makki points out that sometimes a young man is associated with an older woman when he finds the affection he is looking for in a woman, and these types of attractions can be analyzed according to the "Oedipus complex", that is, the relationship of the young man with his mother when he was young: did his mother love him from a young age? Did you reject his affection? Did you move away from him and force him to look for "mother" affection and a sense of security?

As for women, according to Makki, "emotional attraction is one of the most important reasons for women's attachment to younger men, and there is also a positive aspect of this marriage, as there may be a convergence of views and understanding in most matters, because the older the woman is more mentally and psychologically mature, and this is in the interest of the husband, as marital happiness is not measured according to the age criterion."

56% of women prefer to associate with men years older than them because they believe they will feel safer and more stable (Shutterstock)

Makki concludes by saying that it is absolutely not possible to judge that the great difference between spouses leads to the failure or success of married life, as each marriage project is governed by social and psychological factors and conditions that differ from other relationships.

Recent studies indicate that there are other factors that would cause a rift between the two partners and lead to divorce, and the age difference is not at the forefront, as many marriages that did not witness a noticeable difference in age between the two partners ended in failure, while marriages whose owners were from different generations were successful.