The art of anger management.. 7 strategies to preserve your marital life

Is anger in marital relations evidence of fragility?

Are frequent marital disputes an indication that the relationship between the spouses is not at its best?

Does calm between the two parties mean that the relationship is successful?

Does agreement and permanent silence when a dispute mean that the love between the two parties is never severed?

Some people may actually see this, on the grounds that marriage is accommodation, affection and mercy, and that anger and its intensity may spoil the harmony between the spouses and eliminate the affection and mercy between them.

But what if it turns out that the opposite is true?

And that anger and disagreement between spouses can indicate a healthy, successful relationship?

And that expressing angry feelings is much better than concealing them out of love?

It all depends on one question: How do we manage anger in our marital relationship?

Anger is one of the most misunderstood feelings, and the most hidden feelings of its owners.

Most married couples suffer from their inability to express anger without being misunderstood.

Not every angry scream is a desire to end the relationship, and one of the spouses does not always have to swallow his anger, so that the other party does not blame him for his lack of love towards him.

Relationship and communication counselor between spouses, Deryl Goldenberg, says - in an article on the "PSYCHALIVE" website - that anger is a form of self-defense, and that the transformation of natural anger into feelings of hatred or revenge, or harm to the other person, is the first reason for concealing anger in His time, and preventing its release in the small details, so it grows and inflates, and it may push for revenge.

Anger is one of the most misunderstood feelings, and the most hidden feelings of its owners (Getty Images)

History of anger and its development

Historically, the Greek philosophers considered anger a temporary madness, and some of them believed that it is useless even in wars, and that the angry never wins.

As for Aristotle, he counted anger as one of the tricks of self-defense, and asserts that his attacks can be controlled.

Some psychological studies believe that managing anger in relationships and the ability to vent it properly and appropriately is the perfect solution for spouses, which ensures that the relationship remains strong and solid for both parties.

According to Goldenberg, there is a new concept of anger that has recently developed in modern societies, which is what he calls "healthy anger."

This concept is based on appreciating the feelings of anger and considering them as part of the defense of the mind and feelings for themselves, in the face of anxiety, emotional transgression, violation of borders and intrusion.

Accordingly, anger can be considered useful because it is a force rather than a crime, as it helps the growth of the individual and maintains contact between the spouses.

But we must first identify the patterns of anger.

Patterns of anger within marital relationships

Every relationship faces conflict at some point, and sometimes witnesses fluctuations and changes.

Here, 3 types of anger can be identified:

Avoidance and repression:

In it, the couple tries to avoid and deny the problem, and remove anger and its vocabulary from their emotional conversations, and they look for ways of moderation between them within the framework of artificial affection between them.

But the pent-up anger soon seeps out again and finds an opening through which to breathe.

Passive aggression:

People who tend to passive aggression often carry the belief - since their childhood - that they cannot hurt the feelings of their loved ones, and circumventing confrontation at all costs becomes the main feature of expressing their anger.

Despite their public approval of something, they evade it after that, or argue with other things instead of doing what the other party wants.

Harsh aggression:

It includes harsh blaming, unbridled self-expression, and violent defiance.

The angry person may feel relieved after throwing up these feelings.

But what about the other party receiving this aggression?

How will he deal with him within the framework of the relationship, and what is the impact of this on the relationship between them?

Expressing angry feelings is much better than concealing them for reasons of love (Shutterstock)

Strategies to avoid anger

Despite what anger may cause, it is in many cases constructive and beneficial, according to an article published on the American Psychiatric Association (APA) website, in which it identifies a number of strategies for managing anger: