Can I be a good father ... Pregnancy and childbirth Men's confusion January 20, 20:51

"I don't want to be a bad father." When

I see a post online saying "I was hurt by my husband's heartless words," I feel sad, and I try to choose my words carefully to my wife.

However, her wife's pregnancy and childbirth are full of things I don't understand due to lack of study.

What should I do?

The worried interview team tried to find out.

“Caesarean Section” “Raku” Posting on SNS

This word spread on Twitter this month.

When a person whose wife had undergone a caesarean section posted the post, women who had experienced childbirth criticized it, saying, "Every childbirth is life-threatening" and "Don't mention it if you haven't experienced it."

When the interview team investigated, the heartless words surrounding pregnancy and childbirth had been a topic from time to time.

In addition to men, I was shocked by a post from a woman who had never undergone a caesarean section saying, "I'm glad it was easy," and a heartless comment from my mother-in-law, "Caesarean section is easy and you're spoiled." I also saw a post that said.

“A caesarean section is ‘easy’!?”

A colleague, a female reporter, reacted to these words.

“I almost died as a parent and child!”

said reporter Hiromi Akimoto, who gave birth to her first child six years ago (2017).

At that time, my morning sickness was so bad that my water broke when I was 7 months pregnant, and I was rushed to a hospital with a NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).

And the 28th week.

"I need emergency surgery. Let's do a C-section now."

I was told by a doctor and contacted my parents and husband, but before they rushed to see me, I was transferred to the operating room alone.

Her daughter was born "Very Low Birth Weight", weighing less than 1500 grams.

"I was scared. I was alone. Is it wrong for me to be born like this...?"

In addition, after she gave birth, ailments appeared all over her body.

Her hair is falling out, she has eczema, and her cut stomach hurts so much that she can't stand up.

I can't even follow the print with her eyes, and I can't sleep because I'm breastfeeding.

I know she's busy with work.

But just seeing her husband asleep made her angry.

Reporter Akimoto

: "At this time, I feel like my body is me and it's not me anymore, and I feel extremely anxious and happy, and my physical condition and emotions are like a roller coaster. was"

the tears my wife showed

"We weren't close enough..."

It was Kei Yoshimura, a reporter from the coverage team, who said this.

Three years ago, at the 34th week of pregnancy, it was found that the baby was still in a basket, and it was decided to have a caesarean section.

After returning home, my wife was crying alone in the room.

Bleeding or remaining scars during laparotomy.

Risk of complications.

Childbirth that can't be attended due to the new corona.

I was getting more and more anxious.

I (Yoshimura) was embarrassed, but I didn't understand enough.

I thought I was learning about childbirth and babies in my own way.

But perhaps he had not been able to take care of his wife.

I will never forget the sight of my wife appealing to me while shedding tears.

I still regret it.

Significant physical and mental changes during pregnancy and childbirth

"When you're pregnant, your body starts to change and your emotional thresholds go down so you can be more sensitive to your baby. It's a time of great physical and mental change."

Professor Kaori Ichikawa of Tokyo University of Information Sciences, who studies maternity nursing, points out the changes in the mind and body during pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum.

Mental and physical changes differ depending on the time of pregnancy, such as early pregnancy, late pregnancy, and postpartum. When this happens, the sleep rhythm changes in preparation for breastfeeding after giving birth, making it impossible to sleep soundly at night and making it easier to have anxiety.

“Will I be able to endure labor pain ?” “Will

I be able to raise my child?”

“Who will support me?

Professor Ichikawa

: About half of the people who develop postpartum depression feel mentally depressed during pregnancy. I feel that my partner understands what I'm saying and sometimes speaks for me. It will be easier to get out."

men who cannot talk

The key is to communicate closely with your partner.

However, a survey suggests that there is a gap in awareness and behavior between women and men during pregnancy.

These are the results of a survey conducted in 2017 by a medical corporation that operates multiple obstetrics and gynecology departments mainly in Aichi Prefecture, targeting 400 men and women with children under the age of two.

38.5% of men answered that they were worried about their partner during pregnancy, while 50.0% of women answered that they were worried.

On the other hand, when asked if they consulted someone about their worries during pregnancy, 29% of women answered that they had not consulted anyone, while 54% of men, or about two people, answered that they did not. I climbed to 1 people.

Sending out experiences through self-reflection comics

There is a man who is sharing his experiences on social media through manga, such as stories of failures when he attended childbirth, hoping that his experiences would be useful.

The author, Papacoma, is a salaried worker who is still struggling to raise two children.

Manga artist and office worker Papakoma said,

"I had left everything to my wife to prepare for childbirth and hospitalization, so on the day of the contraction, I didn't know how to use the labor pain app or how to put on a straw cap. When the labor pains actually started, my wife talked to me. I couldn't afford to do anything, it became difficult to communicate with her, and I couldn't do the right amount of rubbing my waist and back, so I couldn't move as my wife wanted."

Reflection on communication.

“Birth takes different time and methods depending on the person. I thought it was necessary to acquire knowledge in advance so that I could deal with every situation.It would be difficult to communicate with my partner on the day, so I discussed it in advance. I think it is necessary to keep

On top of that, I believe that it is important for partners to have a common understanding and to show their gratitude to each other through actions.

“I think it is necessary for men to be aware that it is their own business, to research their partner’s pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare from the time of their pregnancy, and to have the autonomy to take action on their own. It's easy to say, but I would like you to convey your gratitude by acting with knowledge."

what is the correct answer...

In the news gathering team this time, there was also a reporter (Akira Ota) who gave birth to his first child a year ago.

Everyday, when I see posts on the internet saying, "I was hurt by my husband's heartless words," I thought, "I don't want to be a bad husband." I'm going to

When I found out that my wife was pregnant, I was involved in many things during the period leading up to the birth, such as participating in classes for moms and dads and researching online to gain knowledge.

I just don't know what the correct answer is.

Is this really good?

I had a feeling of confusion all the time.

It may be helpful for future dads.

In order to look back on myself at the time, I interviewed the NPO "Fathering Japan," which works on child-raising support for fathers.

Q&A for future dads

Q: I bought a book because I didn't know anything about it, but there were so many options and at the time I wasn't sure which one was better.

What should we do?

The best thing to do is to participate in courses designed for future fathers, such as the Mom and Dad Class.

Even if it's held online, it's better to be able to ask questions and interact with dads who have just given birth to hear real stories, rather than one-sided distribution.

It's better to have practical face-to-face.

Especially after the mother has given birth and left the hospital.

I recommend the one that has a lot of content for it.

Q: Is there anything I can do right away while my wife is pregnant?

This is also a preparation for postpartum, but it is to be able to do the same level of housework that moms do.

Cooking, washing and cleaning three times a day.

Food is especially important, so make sure you plan a menu for three days before giving birth, and be able to shop and make it.

Q: When I was pregnant, my wife was sometimes nervous, and it was difficult to interact with her.

What should I do?

It's actually not that difficult.

For example, when a mother says, "Your breast milk supply is bad today, isn't it?"

She should never do it.

She doesn't want mom to give advice, she wants to be listened to.

Don't interrupt her, but let her listen to the end and agree with "yes".

It is important for her to show an attitude of trying to understand.

Q: It's not good if you just want to solve the problem quickly.

But isn't it difficult for some reason?

It's not that bad, but some people say they can't do that...

It's very much.

I think it's hard for dads to think and care about various things, and there may be times when they feel unreasonable.

However, that situation won't last forever, so I think it's best to accept that now is the time instead of thinking "why?"

A dad's role is to help the mom feel comfortable with the baby.

I want you to have a solid knowledge and face it.

I want dads to get help from parents and postpartum helpers when they are having a hard time.

It's best to raise a child without trying too hard.

By gaining knowledge and preparing well in advance, even when a difficult time comes, you may be able to calmly accept it and say, "Oh, the time has come."

Beware of NG Actions

Fathering Japan has created a leaflet that summarizes the things that "pre-papas" before their children are born should know.

Here are some of the specific actions you should take.

<Negative action>

During pregnancy...

▽Because mom is giving birth, I don't get close to her because there's nothing I can do.

▽If you give birth by Caesarean section, say, "I'm glad I was able to give birth easily through surgery."

<Action to be taken>

During pregnancy...

▽Go to listen to the doctor's explanation together.

▽ Listen with the feeling of giving birth together.


▽ listen to mom.

No need for bad advice!

just listening is enough.

▽I ​​secure the sleep of mom.

Pregnancy schedule app for dads

There are also apps that support men.

For example here.

By setting the expected date of birth, an illustration depicting the changing fetal growth situation will be displayed, and advice on actions to be taken according to the time will be displayed.

We also update articles related to the childcare leave system.

According to the person in charge of the company that developed the app, seven years ago when the app was first used, men's understanding of childbirth and childcare was not as high as it is now, and there was a noticeable lack of consideration for pregnant women.

<For example...>

▽I went to a drinking party without noticing the change in my mom's physical condition.

▽ Words that suggest low consciousness.

Examples: “Is morning sickness just my imagination?” “Let me help you with childcare.”

Therefore, the app actively shares these failure stories.

It would be great if we could live in a world where men can talk about their worries and raise children.

It was an interview while looking back at myself.

(Network News Dept. Akira Ota, Kei Yoshimura, Chuya Sugimoto, Midori Taniguchi)