There is no one who does not have a set of habits that he repeats automatically, often without trying to change them.
But when it comes to finding a partner who shares life with us, it may become necessary for us to stop clinging to some of our personal habits, and reconsider some of them, in order to make some adjustments that help us succeed.
Certified Professional Counselor Trisha Wolf tells Bustle, "We often repeat what is familiar to us, without realizing that changing things - even a little - can lead to great benefits, and to a healthier relationship," which is what makes us address The most important habits you need to stop ASAP, according to experts.
1- Setting high standards
Wolfe advises to stop waiting for everything to be okay (such as getting the house ready, or completing errands and travels), for example.
You don't need to prove that you're completely self-sufficient, and "setting high standards for yourself might miss out on great people";
Which makes it best to start experimenting.
Human nature tends to be attracted to what is familiar, even if it is not the best (Pixels)
2- Focus on images and interests
Public relations expert Erica Kaplan recommends, via Bustle, to stop making hasty impressions based on the other party's photos, hobbies, and interests.
Focus instead on his values and ideas.
Kaplan says, "Slowing down, taking a closer look, and asking questions may give more acquaintance; at a time when haste will provide little basic information to ensure the correctness of the choice."
For her part, psychotherapist Kelly Newbert explains, "There is a difference between interests and values. You may be happy with someone who shares the same values as you, even though you are not interested in the same hobbies."
3- Involve others in every step
While it's "helpful to get a second opinion, to hear from the people who are interested in your love life," Stephanie Safran tells Insider.
But at the same time, you must “follow your intuition, and what you want above all else”;
As Kaplan says, after all, you're the one who's going to spend the most time with the other person. "If you're happy, everyone else will be happy."
4- Not accepting the unfamiliar
UK relationship expert Jessica Alderson says, "Trying to find someone who is your type, or similar to you, is one of the reasons relationships don't work," and the best is to allow yourself to open up to new people and new experiences, to increase your chance of winning the one who is best for you.
And because "human nature tends to be drawn to the familiar, even if it's not the best," Kaplan encourages "making some adjustments to the familiar."
But if you have a certain pattern that you adhere to in your search for a life partner;
Make sure it's realistic, "so you don't go back to square one every time."
5- Expect instant attraction
And because we're also "so fond of instant gratification," says Kaplan, "people jump ship too early, because they didn't feel the instant attraction."
It is common to believe that our choices will not work, if we do not find immediate attraction from the other side;
Despite the exhaustion and tension that characterizes the early stages, which require giving the opportunity to get to know each other and build intimacy, "the spark of attraction often gathers with time."
Stop making hasty impressions, based on the other party's photos, hobbies, and interests (Pixels)
6- Influenced by previous experiences
If you are out of a previous experience, Kelly Newbert reminds you, "Everyone has different experiences and habits, so do not exclude someone from your accounts just because you are afraid of repeating previous experiences, for reasons that may not be true."
It does not mean that the former party was emotionally immature, or unable to deal;
Everyone else will have the same problems.
Although this does not prevent you from being frank with yourself, about the behaviors that affected you negatively in the past, and "and setting limits on defining the other party, what is good and what is not acceptable."
Every relationship needs to draw certain boundaries that the other party does not cross.
7- Exaggerating concern for the other party
If you're looking for someone to share your life with, "resist the urge to put your eggs in one basket right away," says Certified Relationship Counselor Jerrilyn Adams. exalted."
But the gradual bestowal of attention, "removes the pressure, and provides the confidence needed to let go of the wrong person."
8- Ignore the red warning lights
"When we like someone, it's easy to ignore the red flags, even though there is an inescapable feeling that something is not right."
Here advises Megan Stubbs, saying, "No matter how attractive the emerging relationship, pay attention to your intuition and trust it when it tells you that something is not right."
Jerrilyn Adams also shares, "If you're ignoring the warning signs, remind yourself that continuing with the wrong person will not lead to a successful relationship."
If you ignore the warning signs, remind yourself that continuing with the wrong person will not lead to a successful relationship (Getty Images)
9- Continuing despite the lack of progress
It is useful to give people a chance to see how compatible they are or not;
If, after several attempts, there is no agreement, "do not hesitate to dismiss the experiment, and try to find new horizons";
Take the advice of Beth Rebarsky, professor of interpersonal communication at the University of Illinois.
"The more time you spend with someone you didn't get along with in the first place, the harder it is to finish the experiment, so 3 meetings are enough to see if it's worth exploring further," Rebarsky explains.
10- Not taking a breath
It does not mean that you have made a decision to engage, that you hasten to set a compressive schedule that does not allow for breathing;
It's like, "If it doesn't happen now, it never will," says Certified Psychologist Jodi Eckleberry.
And it's okay to slow down, and enjoy periods of calm;
"While the pressure of the circadian clock may be real for those who want to have children, love does not happen on a set schedule."