why do babies cry Do you have to get off the train? | NHK

Don't worry if you cry!

November 18, 16:36

"Crying doesn't hurt!"

These days, you can see this phrase everywhere in Kyoto, such as train stations, buses, and arcades.

Everywhere in the city, PR saying "It's okay for babies to cry."

How kind!

But everyone.

Do you really think "Kamashima hen"?

(Kyoto Broadcasting Station, Yuka Misaki, Network News Department, Hiroki Matsumoto, Naoya Saito, Kei Yoshimura)

Kyoto is overflowing with "Don't worry if you cry!"

Along with the puffy smile of a baby, it says, "I don't care if you cry!"

It appeared in Kyoto from November last year.

Originally, a company in Tokyo began six years ago with the words, "It's okay to cry."

Putting up flags, handing out stickers to put on smartphones...

Now, the city of Kyoto is full of words like, "Don't cry!"

Efforts to encourage babies to cry have reached 28 local governments nationwide.

But why do governments in various places have to put up such a large-scale campaign?

"I got off on the way." "I'm refraining from taking a train or bus."

When I spoke to mothers in Tokyo, they all spoke of how uncomfortable it was to travel with a baby.

Woman in her 30s

“When I was on the train holding my son who had just been born, I started crying on the way and got off at a station before my destination. If you had told me, I wouldn't have gotten off..."

Female in her 40s

: “When my daughter, who is 1 year old, cries, she becomes distracted by the people around her, so I refrain from taking trains and buses together. I'm afraid of what I'll say, so when my husband isn't around, I usually walk."

A mother in her thirties who was visiting the park with her eldest daughter, who is 1 year and 7 months old, told me about what happened the other day.

Woman in her 30s

"My daughter cries easily, so I've been avoiding trains and such, but there was an opportunity to get on the bus. When I finally got to the bus stop, the driver told me, 'Mom, you're doing your best,' and I couldn't help but burst into tears."

Why do I have to feel so indebted when I'm trying so hard to raise my children?

Everyone gave me their sincere thoughts.

The person next to me on the "worst" and "missing" Shinkansen...

Even though the children weren't crying, there were also people who were treated with heartless words.

Mika Ozawa, who lives in Tokyo, took the Shinkansen last month to return to Tokyo from Aichi, where she was returning home for the birth of her baby.

When I was about to sit in her seat with her newborn daughter and her husband, a young woman who was already sitting on the third row window said:

"Haaah, that's the worst. You're a loser."

It was a low voice, but they told me to be able to hear it, and I heard that they put headphones on slowly.

Her daughter didn't cry until she got to the station, but Ozawa says she wasn't sure when she would start crying.

When I posted this incident on Twitter, sympathy spread, such as that I had a similar experience, and I received more than 39,000 likes.

On the other hand, there

were also critical comments such as "

I don't say it, but I think it's the worst in my heart" and "I

wish I could have a seat for my child ."

Mika Ozawa

"I was surprised that there was such a reaction, and I felt that there were many people who had the same experience. Japan still has a strict eye on the child-rearing generation. After all. I would like to see a society that is a little more tolerant of child-rearing.”

Baby Crying Why Does It Make You Feel Uncomfortable?

So why do some people find a baby's cry uncomfortable?

"That's because we don't know why babies are crying,"

points out Yoriko Okamoto, a professor at Rissho University who is familiar with communicating with children.

Babies can only tell if they are hungry, sleepy, angry, etc. by crying when communicating their emotions.

On the other hand, the receiving side points out that one of the reasons why they feel uncomfortable is that they do not understand the content of the complaint.

Professor Yoriko Okamoto of Rissho University

"Not only parents but also the people around them feel that they are being sued. Babies can only change the way they complain by crying. Moreover, babies are so big that they want to be taken seriously. Even parents don't know why their baby is crying, but the people around them don't know why, and they feel even more uncomfortable."

How is it going abroad?

Crying children get irritated and blame their parents.

On SNS, there are also opinions such as "It's impossible overseas".

What's actually going on?

We interviewed Toshiyuki Shiomi, a professor emeritus at the University of Tokyo who specializes in educational anthropology and is familiar with child-rearing situations around the world.

Mr. Shiomi prefaced by saying, "In America, Europe and Asia, there are people who think that children's cries are too loud, and it depends a lot on the individual."

Toshiyuki Shiomi, Professor Emeritus of the University of Tokyo

"In Europe and the United States, especially in Europe, children are treated as human beings no matter how small they are. For example, in Denmark, parents unilaterally tell their children, 'Do this,' 'Let's go out,' and so on. Even when the child was crying in the stroller without giving any orders, I would ask, "What's wrong?", "What do you want to do?" But I don't often blame the parents."

"On the contrary, in Japan, children are often not seen as human beings, so it is the responsibility of the parents who bring their children to cry and annoy those around them. I think it's dead."

In addition, he points out that the difference in the way of education is also in the background.

"In Japan, there is a strong tendency to give priority to harmonizing with the group over individual claims and rights, and people tend to read too much into the situation and feel sorry for their children crying and causing trouble for those around them, and blame their parents. It becomes a matter of course.”

Shinkansen also supports parents and children

In Japan, there is also a movement to support parents with babies.

"Isn't there something that can be done to help customers with small children who feel

cramped every time they cry or make a fuss?"

"is.

Vehicles exclusively for families with children of elementary school age or younger.

It operates during long school holidays such as summer vacation and Golden Week.

In fact, there are private rooms called multi-purpose rooms on regular Shinkansen trains.

After consulting with the crew, if it is vacant, you can use it for breastfeeding or taking a break with your baby.

I want to tell you that I sympathize

However, is it enough just to divide the place of the person who feels that the baby's voice is noisy and the parent and child with the baby?

Kayoko Ochiai, representative of a child-rearing support group in Tokyo, believes that it is important for people who don't think they are noisy to act.

When she finds a crying child, she puts the character on her bag to attract attention and talk to parents who are in trouble.

In the past, they used to have "balloons, stickers, and origami" on hand to give to crying children to create an opportunity to talk to them.

It means that I have never been hated by calling out to you.

Ms. Kayoko Ochiai:

"If you accept it with a lighthearted feeling, like 'some strange person is talking to you,' it should make your parents feel lighter."

Experts also say that the most important thing is not to make parents look troubled.

Professor Yoriko Okamoto of Rissho University

"Emotions are easily contagious in babies. When parents get impatient or troubled when something bad happens and they ask for help, they become anxious and cry even harder. Surroundings It is most important for people to encourage and reassure their parents by smiling and talking to them kindly."

Precisely because of the declining birthrate

“Even if you cry, it won't hurt!”

Kyoto Prefecture emphasizes the crisis of the declining birthrate.

The prefecture's total fertility rate is one of the worst 5 in the nation.

The high unmarried rate is considered to be a major factor.

In order to make people want to raise their children in Kyoto, we have to support parents who are raising children.

It is said that 200,000 stickers have been distributed so far.

When I (Misaki) look back on myself, after giving birth to a child, the frequency of saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" to people in the world has increased greatly.

I even feel that mothers with small children are supposed to say "excuse me".

I can't help but think that if this just changed to "thank you", it would be easier to grow and live.

In Kyoto, if a neighbor says, "You're good at the piano, aren't you?", it's said that it means, "It's noisy and annoying." I wanted to live in a world where people could accept it.