Some parents paint a specific picture for their children, how they should manage their lives and what they should achieve, and if the children do not follow this specific path and conform to the image that the parents drew in their imagination, they are bombarded with harsh criticism, blame and accusations of failure and mismanagement of their lives.

Kurt Smith, a psychotherapist in California, told Huff Post that conversations with parents can be friendly and then slowly drift into criticism, and you hear words being repeated too often, such as "You should have done this instead," or This will never work," or "Are you sure you're with the right person?".

Although these criticisms may be motivated by the parents' interest, their negative impact is difficult to overcome, and children remain at a crossroads;

Either obey the fathers' orders, or choose their own path and struggle with the parents' rejection of them.

Even if you know that these criticisms are their own way of expressing their concern, they may provoke negative feelings in you, and to put an end to the negative impact of these criticisms, these are the advice of psychologists to you:

Draw your limits

Psychologist Sarah Joy Park explains 3 steps to setting healthy boundaries for parents in a gentle way without going overboard:

First

, you need to be specific about what you want from your family, and how you will act if those boundaries are crossed. For example, you can say, "I feel hurt by your comments about my weight, and I will not continue a conversation on this topic."

Second

, be consistent and consistent in order to reinforce those boundaries. It is common for people to oppose the boundaries set for them, but if you remain consistent, those around you will adjust to those boundaries.

Third

, accept that as you set your limits, others will choose their way of responding to that, and accepting that from the start makes you ready to receive any kind of response.

wait a moment

It's normal for criticism to make you feel angry, humiliated, or embarrassed, and you may respond defensively, making matters more complicated and turning the conversation into a heated argument.

To avoid this, wait a moment before you react emotionally, and try to go somewhere else or breathe deeply and calmly.

This little timeout helps you to think logically and not act emotionally, and you may realize that you do not have to respond to the other party because these criticisms are not real or do not represent you, and you do not have to interact with them.

Express what you need

For some, attention and criticism are linked together, and that doesn't change the fact that they are harsh and hurtful words. If you know that criticism is your family's way of expressing their concern, share your understanding of their concern for you, and express what you need from them instead.

For example, if you shared a bad event with your parents, and they responded with criticism and blame, you could say, “I understand your attempts to protect me, but I am now afraid and angry about what I went through, and what I need from you is support and validation for my feelings, and then discuss with me how to act better. Later, without blame or criticism."

Separate your person from your action

Not everyone is good at expressing their criticism effectively, and some confuse the person himself with his act, and instead of rejecting or criticizing the act, criticism and rejection become directed at the person in himself.

You can explain this to your family members, and discuss with them how to direct constructive criticism towards the action and avoid attacking yourself, while maintaining their love and acceptance of you as you are.

Remind them that achievements and choices in life are not fixed and change, and this should not control your position with them.

I thank them for their efforts

When you receive your parents' comments, you can thank them for their concern for you and for the great effort they put into raising you.

It may be the last thing you want to do while feeling negative emotions from their words, but your thanks can give them confidence that they have done their job well, that you have learned how to make your decisions and learn from your mistakes, and that they can relax and allow you to take charge.

Don't take it personally

Psychologist Nina Lall explained to PsychCentral that "often people's criticism of you is a projection of their feelings and fears."

Parents' judgments and impositions of their desires may partly stem from their feelings of insecurity in their lives.

Understand their motives

If you want to mitigate the negative feelings your parents criticize you, try to look at things from their position, and understand the reasons behind their behavior.

Smith attributed the parents' criticism and interference that it may be because "they feel unimportant in the lives of their adult children, and therefore they express their opinions and directions to their desire to attend and feel their importance in the lives of the family and children, and they may also have a firm belief that their own experiences mean that they really know what is best and try to help you ".

The hurtful words of the parents may stem from the harm they have been exposed to in the past and they did not express it.

Empathizing with them helps you change your response to their words, and instead of feeling angry, you will find that your response is calmer and more understanding.