I'm not good at remembering things, so I leave my daily memories in pictures August 19, 18:43
“I have a developmental disorder and am not good at memorizing things. The scenery that took my breath away, the days when my friends saved me, and the time I met my girlfriend.
Words and photos posted on SNS by a man who has felt the difficulty of living.
Until I accepted my disability, I was conflicted about wanting to become normal.
(Network News Department Yukie Kanazawa)
A photo of a scene from everyday life
Keisuke Noda (25), who lives in Tokyo, takes pictures of his daily life and posts them on SNS.
Scenes from casual daily life such as casual facial expressions of the girlfriend who is dating, the townscape, and the people she met are included.
More than 85,000 photos have been taken so far.
What inspired the photo
There is a reason why I started taking pictures of my daily life.
The trigger was an event at the coming-of-age ceremony where classmates gathered for the first time in a while.
excited classmates.
But Keisuke... 80% of people's faces and names didn't match, and he couldn't keep up with their memories.
Keisuke -san:
“Even if someone said, ‘It’s been a long time’, I didn’t know who it was. I bought it and took pictures of it, but this was the reason why I started taking pictures instead of memories.”
Confusion about "memory"
Until then, I was confused about my “memory”.
When Keisuke entered the Faculty of Education, he experienced a new experience and explained the meaning of the “Tsurukame arithmetic” and science experiment procedures he had learned in elementary school.
He felt he had "never seen or heard of it" even though he must have learned it.
Keisuke:
“When faced with such a situation, I think, ‘What should I do? ``After all,'' I thought that something was wrong with me.''
Childhood worried about being different from others
From an early age, I felt that I was different from the people around me, even in aspects other than my memory.
Children running around the garden in a kindergarten.
However, for some reason, Keisuke couldn't do it no matter how hard he tried to imitate his friends.
In junior high school, I held positions such as the student council president and the leader of the cheering squad.
Speaking and speaking in front of large crowds was not a problem.
On the other hand, I was not good at communicating one-on-one, and I was not able to build close relationships with my friends.
When I was in high school, I felt too much pressure when the coach suddenly told me to play in the next game as a regular, and I once fainted and collapsed during practice.
Keisuke:
“I was made to feel that even if I failed in an important scene, my efforts would not be rewarded, and I was in despair that it was me. I didn’t want people to think I was weird. I was desperate."
I was diagnosed with a developmental disorder when I was in my third year of university.
Keisuke continued to worry about being different from those around him.
When I was in my third year of university, I was hurt by a classmate's words and panicked.
After a while, it became difficult for my body to gain strength, and I could not move from the spot.
When I
took the plunge and went to a specialized medical institution, I was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, one of the developmental disorders.
I am not good at interacting with people because my body does not move as my head thinks.
It has also been pointed out that the reason why you suddenly collapse or lose your strength is that you are forced to work hard because it is difficult to recognize stress and fatigue.
The relationship between memory and developmental disorders is...
And for Keisuke, the “memory” that makes life difficult.
Regarding the relationship between memory and developmental disorders, Miho Kuroda, a professor at Teikyo University, points out that the difference in interests may be at the root.
Professor Miho Kuroda, Teikyo University
“In general, memory is closely related to the person's interests. There are some differences in the points of interest for people with developmental disorders. I can tell the same story to , but I think that the story doesn't match because the other thing left an impression on me
. Another reason is that the ability to notice one's own emotions, physical condition, and fatigue is weak, and being good at speaking one-sidedly in front of people but not being good at two-way communication is a developmental disorder. It's not uncommon."
“No different from being tall”
Keisuke looks back on the time when he was diagnosed, saying, "I was at rock bottom."
Keisuke:
“I’ve lived my whole life wanting to be normal, and I felt like I was stamped with the stigma that I couldn’t be normal anymore. I really wanted to die.”
However, when I confided in the results of my diagnosis to a Chinese man who worked with me at the ramen shop where I worked part-time, I was relieved by his reaction.
Mr. Keisuke: "I was told, 'I'm glad you
understood. In China, it's no different from being tall.' Developmental disabilities aren't a big deal when you go abroad, and each person has their own characteristics. And it made me feel like I didn't have to worry about it, and it made me feel positive."
In order to get along well with the people around me, I decided to let them know my own characteristics, so I summarized them in a PowerPoint presentation and shared them with my seminar friends.
It is said that he gradually became more comfortable as he gained the understanding of those around him.
Her Presence in Photos
Her girlfriend Aya (pseudonym) has been watching the situation from her side.
I feel that Keisuke has changed a lot before and after the diagnosis.
Aya:
“He started to look at himself objectively. Until then, he didn’t know why he was having physical symptoms, and he didn’t know if he was sick. It's
like I've become able to accept them and act
on them.Because they try hard to convey my situation and feelings, I've come to understand that ``I can't push myself now.'' I'm trying to change. , I thought it was amazing because it certainly changed a lot."
It is said that photographs that record everyday life are clues to retrieve the “memories” that are difficult to recall.
In the spring, Keisuke couldn't remember what Aya said to him, "The cherry blossoms I saw last year were beautiful."
I was told, "You took a picture at that time," and I was able to remember where I went by looking at the picture.
Now, every year during the cherry blossom season, I go to this place to take pictures.
Ms. Aya:
"When I can't remember, it seems like if I say, 'This is the picture I took there,' it will help me remember. It's like the picture has a string attached to it."
Keisuke himself feels that by having people look at the photographs he has taken, he has been able to convey the way he sees his daily life, which he could not express in words until now.
To the first companion of a troubled child
Keisuke got a job at a company that supports children with developmental disabilities.
He believes that there are things that can be done because he understands feelings, and he consults with children who are worried about differences from those around them and parents who are having trouble interacting with them.
Keisuke:
“There are children who say, ‘It’s hard to live because we can’t do what everyone else can do.’” I
can't send them out in a state where they will never be in trouble when they go out into society, so I want them to at least be able to rely on those around them. I want you to think of me as your first companion."
And from now on, I would like to capture casual everyday life in photographs.
“I want to create a future where people can laugh together and say, 'This happened to me,' in a few years or decades from now, by taking pictures of the moments when I feel a little bit of happiness.”