How do I choose my life partner? Studies from psychology will answer you

The question (How do I choose my life partner?) may be the most important and serious fateful question in your entire life. The answer to this question will shape your private life forever, because of the happiness or unhappiness of this decision and the ensuing special or bad children.

When the issue is related to fateful decisions such as marriage and eternal engagement, this means that we spend more time to carefully study our options and to scrutinize them and to be careful before taking any step, and to consult experts and psychologists in this field, away from unscientific myths and useless popular sayings, so how do we choose our life partner?

How do I choose my future husband or future wife?

What are the steps for partner selection?

What personality traits should I consider when answering these questions?

In this article, we will try to present some results of relationship psychology research, which studied the main factors that constitute successful relationships, and which tried to extract the most important factors that predict a successful relationship between the two parties.

If you want to know the direct steps that you should follow to make your decision about the right partner, then you are in the right place, all you have to do is finish reading this article to its end, but if you want to understand in detail the importance of choosing the right partner and the impact of this decision on Your life and its reflection on your future and the details of your life, we advise you to read the expanded version of this article, in which we discuss the scientific and psychological reasons behind the process of making the right decision about your partner, which you can find on the link here.

How do I choose the right life partner and what are the practical steps that help in that?

• First: know yourself

This advice may be cliched or a bit cliched, but it is - in fact - important in the context of human relations, as we cannot communicate well with another person if we do not know ourselves and do not know how to present it to him.

One of the intriguing paradoxes, according to relationship psychologists, is that a prerequisite for true intimate contact with the other is our ability to be alone and connected with ourselves.

Thus, knowing our personalities, our attachment style, our ways of resolving conflict, and our self-reflection on our personal traits seem of utmost importance.

Specialists also advise having a reasonable amount of future vision, at all levels (professional, social and family).

• Second: Slow down in getting to know the other and do not rush

Perhaps it is clear from the factors that have been presented as indicators of the success of long-term relationships that they take some time to appear, and that most of them do not fully appear except within the relationship.

Therefore, it is good to wait and think carefully and carefully before making fateful decisions, and to give the stage of acquaintance its due.

Some people may feel a lot of social pressure to make a move on this front, but patience combined with more well-guided acquaintances is usually the best option, according to professionals.

On the other hand, some may feel ashamed to discuss sensitive or controversial issues, such as basic values, personality weaknesses, religious beliefs, and ways to deal with anger and disagreements, but these difficult discussions and going to their extremes are what creates deep and real understandings in most cases.

And remember that feeling safe and comfortable is one of the most important factors in a successful relationship.

• Third: Don't let your love overshadow your rational view of the nature of human relationships

Relationship psychologists almost unanimously agree that we will always have doubts about our decision to enter and commit to a relationship, but that is the nature of human relationships.

You won't find a perfect person all the time, and the earlier you know their "flaws" and define your attitude toward them, the better.

Success in marital relations does not lie in achieving perfection or a happy life permanently, but rather in feeling the meaning of deep connection with another person, building a family, and self-growth through concessions, giving, and abandoning self-centeredness.

It is therefore important to keep our expectations rational from the other and from the relationship as a whole, and not let our dreamy fantasies dominate our attitudes and decisions.

Erich Fromm says we're too busy finding the perfect partner, but we're not too busy being the perfect partner and the best version we can be.

One person is definitely better than another, but we often overlook an important aspect of the equation: us.

Many people depend in their expectations of happiness in intimate relationships on the actions of the other, rather than on themselves or their interaction with him(19), although research clearly shows the importance of joint interaction in raising the rates of satisfaction and even desire on both sides.

• Fourth: Learn about the main factors that contribute to the success of relationships

• Fifth: Ask the right questions until you discover the other

Specialists and consultants in family therapy are advised to ask about these topics specifically and in depth, as they open the door to many opinions and related topics.

This, in turn, will make communication during the period of acquaintance or choosing a life partner more feasible and effective.

The topics of family and friends, dealing with anger and disagreements, reveal a lot about the way a person thinks, and intersect with many of the challenges that any intimate relationship may face.

Of course, there are many other important topics to discuss, but these are only preliminary suggestions.

Tools that may help you

• The 36 Questions Developed by Psychologist Arthur Aaron to Intensify Love and Deep Knowledge of the Other

It is a set of questions developed by psychologist Arthur Aaron and his colleagues through a series of studies and found to be effective in creating and strengthening feelings of intimacy.

The idea of ​​these questions is based on "openness to the other", that is, being able to express yourself, your weakness, your fears, your hopes and your aspirations in front of your partner without feeling embarrassed.

You and your husband take two questions daily, and try to be in order, as the questions are arranged according to the degree of disclosure, and try to give yourself as much time as possible to answer, and to clarify each answer with more questions, such as: Why?

and how?

Since when?

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