I have two moms, but June 10th, 18:01

When I had a wedding with someone I liked, it was a little difficult to get people to recognize me.

Not all people welcomed me when I tried to have a child.

I want to marry a loved one, make a family, and live happily.

My wish is a common wish.

(May Ogura, Network News Department)

Unfulfilled wish

"Why do you want a child?"

Satoko Nagamura has often been asked questions that would not normally be asked.

She said, "I want to give my child a lot of love from her parents."

"I want to create a family with a loved one.

" I've been feeling and living for a long time.

Satoko Nagamura is a lesbian.

When I was 19 years old, I first got to know Satoko, and I told the other woman that I wanted a child.

"I want to have a child someday"

I said with courage, but I didn't get the answer I wanted.

"I've never seen people who give birth and raise children between women."

There are ways to give birth by receiving sperm donations, but this is rarely the case among women.

After that, even though the people I was dating wanted to have children, I was just confused about having two moms.

"The lack of a father and the fact that there are two moms will hurt the child."

Some people answered with anxiety.

I respect the other person's thoughts as thoughts, but I always thought, "My thoughts are not very acceptable now."

In an independent store

After leaving a junior college, he worked part-time, but at the age of 26 he borrowed money and opened a restaurant.

I thought that it would be easier for me to understand my thoughts if I was in a position of management and became independent.

The place was Shinjuku 2-chome, where there were many gay shops, but few lesbian shops.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" "Are you married yet?"

I know that there are people who give in to the answer even in the words at work that would not be malicious, so people who have troubles with nowhere to go feel free to think. I was thinking of making it a store where I could spit out.

And I have spent time researching and exchanging opinions with people who have the same feelings, such as "How can a same-sex couple have children?"

One day, a woman wearing a bow tie came into the store.

Person waiting for 2 hours

I thought he was a strange person, but he started to come and go.

The woman, "Mamiko," was amused by her clumsy and sloppy place.

In fact, Satoko was sometimes ordered by her customer to make half-sized okonomiyaki, but she inadvertently made it full-sized.

She recalls that when she was in elementary school, when she tried to pick up a ball with a dodgeball, her ball slipped between her arms and sometimes caught on her face.

Mamiko laughs at such a story and asks, "It seems! It seems!".

I thought, "Mamiko cares about me," but I thought it was a difficult time to run the store and not when I was in love.

She was so reluctant to get a date appointment to a temple famous for beckoning cats, but when she arrived at the meeting station, it was two hours past the appointment.

Mamiko waits alone, she doesn't get angry, she's at the station, she "has a good time alone while taking a walk," she laughed.

Satoko's feelings changed little by little, and the number of times they met each other increased.

When we were driving together, I told Mamiko in the passenger seat the words, "I want to have and raise a child in the future," which has not been accepted for a long time.

She replied so easily that Mamiko said, "I think it's good!"

She had been abroad and she had met a child raised by a couple of women.

She was the first person to accept Mamiko's wishes, and she thought she had finally appeared in her life.

She was 31 years old.

Father who did not know

Half a year after they started dating, they decided to have a wedding ceremony.

I couldn't get married legally, and I didn't have a partnership system in the municipality where I lived, so I tried to show my disgrace in the form of a ceremony.

Around this time, however, she knew that her mother was a lesbian (she was closer to being noticed than she was), but her father didn't.

Satoko cut out to her father at a supper with her family.

"I decided to get married now, so my partner is a woman."

He put his chopsticks on the table when he heard the words squeezed out so tense that he shouted in his heart.


"I don't know"

I quietly stood up, went out to the yard, started stroking my dog ​​Shepherd, looking up at the sky, and then came back for about 10 minutes.

"You chose it. Live the way you want to live."

Since I was little, my father has always been a person who doesn't compare with other people, even if he has poor grades or can't exercise.

It was the same at this time.

At her wedding, Satoko prepared her long letter and read it to her parents.

"Since I remembered, I felt like I was different, so I didn't expect the day to have a wedding, become a bride, and write a letter."

"Dad, I can do it.

Even if it's bad, I've never compared it to others and I don't know how much I've been saved. "

" I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm glad I could tell you the truth. I'm finally lying head-on. I'm happy to be able to talk to my parents without using a letter. "

My friends went to my parents' seats to convey the congratulatory words one after another, and my dad drank beer every time he was squeezed and was completely drunk.

There was a greeting from both families, and Mamiko's father said,

"I started from the point of why I had to have a wedding as a parent, and I had the same feeling until I came here today.

" I started talking honestly and the venue became a little quieter.

He said in a loud voice, "I want to congratulate the two who are closest to each other today and hear their determination to help each other," and finally received applause.

Drunk Satoko's father said

with a smile, "I have two daughters, so one more, which is very nice." I finished talking.

However, the days with my beloved father who blessed me did not last long.

My dad says I can't do anything

About half a year after the ceremony, my father started coughing when he smoked.

A few months later, when he underwent a close examination at the hospital, he was found to have cancer in his lungs.

He was hospitalized immediately and heard from his mother, "I bring Satoko's wedding album to the hospital room and watch it from time to time," while receiving anti-cancer drug treatment.

The desire to have my father meet my grandchildren and the impatience of the child were solicited.

On the other hand, my father's illness progressed, and my father, who was good at the wedding, became thin before he saw it.

When I moved to palliative care, I was alone with my father when I went to visit him.

"I want to have a child"

Satoko tried to say something that she couldn't say before.

The sick father had a troubled face.

"I don't know what to do if my dad is gone, I'm in trouble if I don't help him."

Speaking of

"I can't do anything, talk to my mom."

Said my father.

It didn't mean he was against it, but that he had no more time left in his life, he would run out before he met his grandson.

His beloved father died in the summer in less than a month.

Then, black swallowtail butterflies often flew around Satoko and Mamiko.

"I'm sure that's my dad," they said.

Black swallowtail butterfly again

About three years after my father died, I found a donor who would donate sperm.

The donor was Mamiko's friend's man, who promised to meet him when his child wanted to see him in the future.

(The Japanese Society of Obstetrics and Gynecology has legally married couples who can receive treatment for artificial insemination by donating sperm, and they decided to do it themselves from the search for donors.

) Mamiko talked many times about having children.

Since it is not a legal marriage, Satoko is a single mother and Mamiko is a cohabitant.

The two listened seriously, as some said that their children were bullied, that they were sorry for being different from their surroundings, but that it was their parents' ego that gave birth.

I even tried to let go of the future with children.

However, although we suffered from being different from those around us, we are happy now because we were born.

I came to the idea that I am willing to make an effort to make my child happy to be born, and to make my child happy at my own risk.

Aiming to get pregnant didn't go well, but one day Satoko saw a lot of black swallowtail butterflies perching in a puddle in her dream.

She thought she had been flying a lot since her father died, and she had a premonition, and when she took out a pregnancy test and examined it, a line showing pregnancy appeared for the first time.

When she posted her happy feelings on SNS, her acquaintances said "Congratulations" one after another.

But when Satoko confirmed her pregnancy, she couldn't tell her mother, even though she had reached.

Luggage from my mother

That's because I knew from my usual interactions that my mother didn't expect to have children.

She just can't hide forever, she tells her about her pregnancy on the phone before she's in a stable period, and after her mother says "eh", she's confused instead of happy. I understand how you are.

Her Satoko wondered what she was an unblessed pregnancy, her tears couldn't stop, and she hung up.

An indescribable air began to flow with her mother, but after a while, suddenly a baggage arrived from her mother to her Satoko.

When she unwrapped it, she found 17 baby clothes that she bought at a department store, which seemed expensive.

After that, my mother sent me a mother-child notebook that wrote about my growing up Satoko.

The state of growth was written in meticulous letters, such as the neck sitting around 2 months after birth and being able to grab and stand around 8 months after birth.

I gave birth on the third day from the scheduled date.

I heard a cry of "Ogya" and said "Congratulations" and her nurse held the baby in her chest.

When I saw her little hands and feet and heard her cry, tears came out.

She also hugged her child and said, "You did your best, it's finally started."


My mother always hugs me when I visit the shrine in the first month of life, and at the beginning of eating on the 100th day, she cooks red rice.

Well, it's about to come.

Satoko herself, unlike other people, has lived with a feeling of guilt since she was little, so I think that even a 6-month-old child may notice the difference from the surroundings and feel anxious within a short time. ing.

"Why don't you have a dad?"

"Why are we two moms?"

I think the day will surely come.

I think that no matter how small a child there is, there is no choice but to speak honestly according to age without running away.

“I wanted to be with a loved one and became a family.

Some people understand our way of life, others don't. Some people

capture the feelings that gave birth to you .

Some people find it difficult.

We have two moms, but I want to increase the number of people who understand that happiness will come to you, one more person, yours. I really love that. "

I'm worried, but I'm vowed not to run away from my determination.

Aoi camel and brown camel

There is one picture book made by Satoko and Mamiko.

It is said that a lesbian acquaintance died after giving birth and was made to tell the remaining children.

A blue camel appears in the picture book, and he lives happily while looking at the blue sky and the sea.

The brown camel that appeared there said, "Unlike other camels, it's kind of strange."

The blue camel is surprised to find out that he is different.

But the two, knowing the difference, you are there, and I will not separate them.

The two go on a journey together.

Then, it is a short story that each other knows that the sky and sea scenery that the blue camel knows, and the desert plants and animals that the brown camel knows are both wonderful.

When he noticed the difference, he said that he wanted to create a world where each other could cherish each other by thinking about each other, rather than deciding that they didn't understand, and that he put that thought into the picture book.

There are various "normal" things in the world, and I think there are many people who are worried about something different, so he said he wanted to draw.