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Silvia Congost
.
Girona, 1977. This expert psychologist in self-esteem, emotional dependency and couple conflicts has published
Toxic People
(Zenith), a manual to identify them and get rid of them forever.
How do you identify a toxic person? The toxic person is one who, when you interact with them, makes you feel bad or suffer.
It makes you obsess, feel insecure or totally destroy your self-esteem. There will be different levels. Yes, there are toxic beings only for one person, but with others, they fit perfectly.
On the other hand, others are toxic to everyone because they have a personality disorder that makes them not empathize with the pain of others, nor do they realize the damage they cause.
They manipulate and destroy, but they are not aware of what they are doing.
They act this way because it is their pattern of functioning and they cannot change it either. Is it possible to free yourself from them? Of course.
This is the objective of the book: to provide light, understanding and tools to identify them, free oneself from those bonds and be happy because, when achieved,
You take a huge weight off your shoulders. Can they create dependency, as if it were a drug? Yes, totally.
In fact, we see it in the consultation, when a person comes who is in a relationship with another with a narcissistic profile.
She is destroying you, annuls you and you don't see your life without that person.
They distort the facts so that you think 'thank goodness I have him or her'.
And you become dependent. What if the toxic person is a close relative? Freeing yourself from a toxic child or parent is more complicated.
It can be a toxic mother, who is a psychological abuser, or a father who insults and denigrates you, or a son who mistreats you and hurts you.
In these cases, cutting off the relationship is not an option, but you do have to take a certain distance to protect yourself.
They are people who are damaged.
Perhaps your mother acts like this because she had a poor childhood or she was mistreated. In the event that it is a son, should you go to a specialist's office? I recommend asking for therapeutic help to deal with the pain.
You have to understand that this child, perhaps, has lacked something, has had bad friends or for any reason is acting that way.
He is emotionally damaged. What if he is your partner?
Is it seen from the beginning of the relationship or can it happen in a consolidated marriage, in which one suddenly becomes toxic? It may happen that, for a few years, we have been in a good relationship and, after a certain time, one wants to live in another way and begins to act badly, with contempt and coldness towards his partner.
That makes the bond toxic.
But there are other cases
such as narcissistic profiles or other disorders, which are toxic from the first moment, although it is true that they are great actors and we do not see it.
At first, they give you ears and, when they have you in their networks, their true profile comes out. You yourself suffered a relationship of emotional dependency.
Not even psychologists are safe from them. Exactly.
We are all exposed.
Even psychologists expose themselves to toxic beings.
In my case, it was a dependency relationship.
My ex-partner had many qualities, but he wanted a different life.
He was a toxic person for me and I began to suffer and have a bad time.
I was struggling to accept it, but the life I wanted to have was not the one I wanted.
When you do this, you end up destroying yourself.
It does not work.
Why do so many couples fail? Many fail because they are not looking for the same thing and continuing to be with the other person implies ceasing to be you.
They also fail because there is a bad choice from the start.
We do not consider why we choose someone or what is essential.
We are attracted to someone, we fall in love, we launch ourselves and then what happens happens. Of course, we don't think.
We act out of heart or pure irrationality. When we make important decisions in life, we usually think about it, but in an issue like this we don't.
Therefore, we find realities that surprise us.
I spend a lot of time doing prevention and helping people think about all of this.
If we do it, it will be better for us. Level of toxicity in politics? It is not the field in which I work, but the same can happen as in others.
In the company,
for example, there are people with a lot of power, who have a personality disorder, and use this power to step on others.
In other links it also happens.
From a power role you can do more damage.
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