Ingrid García-Jonsson: "I think about giving up all the time, I'm almost out of work and I want to die"

Ingrid Garcia-Jonsson

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Skelleftea, Sweden, 1991. She is one of the best young actresses in Spain and, at the same time, a pop phenomenon due to her appearances on David Broncano's program.

She stars in

, the new film by Álex de la Iglesia, which opens tomorrow.

Because the human being, except for you from what I see, is very attracted to the forbidden and terror opens doors to give free rein to that most morbid and sadistic part that we all have.

And there is also the thing of feeling scared, which allows us to awaken certain feelings that we do not experience in our day to day.

In general, if things are going well for us and removing these last two absurd years, day to day is very boring and very stable, so feeling very strong sensations for a while is very attractive.

Especially knowing that you're not in any kind of danger... Well, if I'm honest, the truth is that I don't understand much either.

Yes a lot.

I'm always afraid of everything, really.

I have to say in my defense that I don't let that beat me later.

I am quite aware that I am a poop and I still do things.

I have learned that even if it scares me, I am able to face things and do them, so I keep going.

Scared, but go ahead.

Let's see, it's part of me and for people to understand me I guess they need some explanation.

It bores me because I've told it many times, but I understand that it arouses curiosity.

I assume that every time I meet someone new I have to give a little explanation, but I already have the story pretty much automated and it goes fast.

Architecture no, but I wish I had dedicated myself to something else maybe yes... Well, the truth is that neither.

It's just that I like this job and cinema too much, having the chance to tell stories and for people to see them, to work as a team with so many people who are passionate about what they like.

Honestly, I don't know if you can find that in many other professions.

So no, I have never seriously considered starting to do something else and, of course, not having finished Architecture either.

That's for sure because I never really wanted to be an architect.

Damn, what I told you before.

Out of total fear of what people would say, of being wrong, of disappointing, of crashing, of taking the leap... So I let myself go and, suddenly, I had done four years.

It was hard for me to accept that I had to be responsible for making decisions about my life, because you let yourself go and it's very comfortable, but sometimes you end up in places where you don't want to be.

Suddenly you are 40 years old and you say: "Why did I end up here?"

Now I combine the two things: I let myself go in controlled environments so as not to mess it up too much and, when I try to control, I do it knowing that I'm not going to get exactly where I'm aiming.

The key is not to suffer too much in the process.

No, what the hell, I think about giving up all the time.

Happens to me still.

Now everything is supposed to be going well for me, but I don't work all year.

A movie takes two months to make, three if there's a lot of money, and I don't shoot that many movies a year either.

Last year, for example, I shot a movie in five weeks and then I had another one that lasted seven days.

The rest of the time I did nothing.

Any!

And now I'm the same, in another of those phases with almost no work done and I want to die, I'm looking forward to going back to work.

So I spend all the time rethinking why I don't dedicate myself to something else, but I like this so much that I can't.

It already happened to me when I was a waitress, that they offered me promotions and I turned them down because I knew they were going to call me to shoot any short film in Benalmádena for 20 euros and I was going to leave my job to go.

Now the same thing happens to me, I like it too much,

Sport.

Now I am doing a lot of sports, compulsively.

And I see many friends, I become a social animal to not think.

I go to the movies, I read, I fantasize about writing and directing, I grope things that never end in anything... And that's it.

I dream of the next project, actually that's what I do.

It is exhausting, but I am always aware of the following.

What happens with mine is that the money runs out, there is no payroll at the end of the month.

Every two for three you face the reality of saying: "Either I have a job in two months or I have to seriously consider doing something else."

So that does become a burden, especially because I don't want to open the door to being an

actress and all these things that offer a source of income to many actresses, but I don't like anything.

So, well, what do I know... What a day you got me [laughs].

What's up, man, I'm terrible right now.

Now because a gig fell from the sky and I've been shooting 10 days in Budapest.

I have enough in my account to spend two months, but in no time I'll be pulling my hair out again to see what comes out.

Well, I'm getting used to trusting and thinking: "Well, Ingrid, the moment this doesn't work anymore you'll have to do something else and nothing will happen".

Above all, because I feel that I have already demonstrated many things that I thought I had to demonstrate.

I already know that I am a good actress, I already know that I deserve to be given jobs.

I have overcome the impostor syndrome.

I know how to do this and I think I'm a good person to work with, from then on, if I don't get any more work, I already know that it's something that's not in my hands, that it depends a lot on the industry, that there are papers for me and for the thing to happen, but if it doesn't happen I'll dedicate myself to something else.

I've been a waitress and I've been happy, I've looked after children and I've been happy, I've taught classes and I've been happy.

There are many professions in which I can feel fulfilled and well.

Yes, yes, look: hello, I'm Ingrid and I'm an actress.

Right now I am very proud of my work and the professional point in which I am.

I mean, yes, I'm an actress.

But for years, she said that she was a waitress even though she was already in it.

She gave me a lot of stick, I didn't know if it really was or I was freaking out.

Yes, I want to direct.

In my generation, or at least in my family, I have always been raised thinking that I could do anything.

So I have not seen a difficulty for being a woman and I have worked with quite a few female directors.

I think we are at a time when many female voices or other points of view that are not heteronormative are being asked for.

I notice that there are possibilities, that there are movements, that there is boiling.

Also, I came to Madrid precisely when the wave with Carlos Vermut and the new Spanish independent cinema in which we saw that you can make a movie with your mobile and it can be cool.

Cinema is relatively more accessible than it was a few years ago and, having become democratized in so many aspects, I think I can give it a try.

Whether it turns out well or badly, we'll see.

No, it's a way of speaking, but Celia de Molina said it and it's as true as a temple: men have had many opportunities to do shit, but women always have the expectation of having to make a very good movie, if you do.

I also claim my right to direct shit and that absolutely nothing happens like with so many guys.

Why should what I do have to be perfect and meet certain standards if my colleagues are doing what they want and how they want?

Well, I'm going to do the same.

Yes, women are less forgiven for mistakes.

Today when I woke up I put on a podcast about feminist film theory and talked about the role of the bad mother and how she is always the worst character that can be put in a movie.

It is true that since the figure of the woman has always been like a thing like the Virgin Mary, doing something wrong is a mortal sin.

But, well, things are changing and we all want to see different things too.

It's just that there are many films already made, eh, a lot.

So if they tell you something different, people see it regardless of who its author is.

I think that each time you look less at the person and more at the work, that's good.

I've done it once, eh, and I don't think it's bad, but I'm afraid that if I open that door, being such a simple and accessible source of income, suddenly I will prioritize that instead of acting, which is really my job.

And it is a world that is very much based on aesthetics and liking, which is something that mentally does not do me any good.

Instagram makes me anxious, for example, so turning liking people into my source of income is dangerous for me.

Yes. It's just that I hardly upload photos because I think they don't meet the standards of the

And it's hard for me to deal with it.

It's a game I'm not very good at.

And besides, since I see that people are doing so well in life and I'm there on my sofa with the plants, well, damn, I feel very bad.

What a shitty life I must have.

It is very difficult for me to internalize that what people show is not real either, I end up believing it.

In times when I am not very strong as a person, seeing all those colors and that display of happiness undermines my self-esteem.

You see, who knew that I was going to make people laugh?

That is another matter.

Let's see, I've always been the same and I've never stopped to think if it was funny, I just did what I always do in interviews: adjust to the tone.

If Broncano is joking, then I'm joking and everyone is happy.

At first I was very surprised because people started stopping me on the street.

It was very very strange for me that people came to talk to me.

The truth is that it bothered me in part that they recognized me for that because it was like: "I'm making movies, I've been nominated for a Goya and nobody knows it, but I come here, I say four nonsense and people love me. For this bullshit? Was this what I had to do to get the public's affection?"

So at first it was weird, but the truth is that

It has given me such cool things and I have lived such wonderful experiences thanks to the program that blessed be.

Yes, it is very rare.

But, well, it had to be like that and that's it.

It has also helped me not to take myself so seriously or be so intense, all that "I'm an actress, okay?"

or "I'm not doing this because I want to be an intellectual and for people to respect me."

Suddenly ,

came and destroyed all that intensity.

That's why it's been very positive for me personally too: I can still be a good actress and a good professional, but I'm also a fun person.

Being able to combine that is cool.

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• Final Interview

• The resistance

• David Broncano