One study found that “regret was the second most expressed emotion, after love, in our daily conversations.”
Life is not without making wrong choices or hasty decisions, which make us feel sad and disappointed, and we keep regretting them all the time.
Regret, as Manfred Keats de Vries, assistant professor of leadership development defines it, “is the way our brains tell us, to rethink our choices,” arguing that “regret is not about changing the past, but about improving the future.”
Feelings of regret naturally hurt us. Researchers have found that “obsession with regret has a negative effect on mood and sleep, and can increase the urge to overeat and abuse stimulants.”
So we sometimes pretend that nothing is worth regretting, in an attempt to escape rethinking wrong actions and decisions, which provoke feelings of sadness, shame, anger and guilt.
But even painful feelings can inspire powerful re-motivation, with these tips on how to use regret, as an exercise worth suffering, for its role in helping us uncover the mistakes that lead to frustration and loss, and as a tool to improve life and move forward, rather than Letting him weigh us down.
Write down the mistakes and failures and what you learned from them
Writing down everything that makes you regret, you may not find it fun, but it is worth doing.
Although regret is never a pleasant feeling, "but it is useful, and inevitable, because it gives a great boost to your success and happiness in the future."
The idea is inspired by Stanford University professor Tina Selig, who encourages "to write down all the common failures and mistakes in your daily life in one box, and then write the lesson you learned next to each mistake, in one sentence".
And you will notice patterns of thinking that cause you many mistakes, and you will discover that facing your mistakes directly, made them a way to gain a better knowledge of the ups and downs of life, and seeing what you do wrong over and over again, will make you better qualified to stop doing it again later.
Plus, blogging will allow you to "make sure there's nothing you could have done differently, which can help you forgive yourself for your failures," says Dan Pink, (who is the author of 8 bestsellers, including the synopsis of 16,000 novels). He collected it in a special questionnaire on remorse) in his most recent book, The Power of Regret.
It is impossible to escape from feelings without consequences (Shutterstock)
Do not ignore feelings of regret and do not run from them
Most people try to push regret away, but research has shown that it is "impossible to escape from feelings without consequences", and that trying to avoid or suppress disturbing feelings makes them more present and impactful, and may reduce the ability to be happy, and manifest in the form of physical pain.
Rather than trying to ignore the feeling of regret, it is better to practice going through the experience, and thinking about accepting what we feel without worrying or drowning in regret.
A study published in 2014, found that “being drowned in regret can harm our ability to make wise decisions, and that focusing on negative emotions can undermine our performance.”
In contrast, the researchers found, "We can think more clearly when we find a positive aspect of our regret."
Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a friend
In the same study that found that “regret can hinder our ability to solve problems,” participants were asked to repeat two statements, “everything can be seen from a different perspective” and “no experience is without positive value,” while recalling a benefit they gained from a situation. regrettable.
The result was that they showed an improvement in their performance later, which means that "repetition with focus can reduce the negative effects of regret."
Also, UCLA researchers asked 400 students to write about their most intense regrets, and found that compassion for oneself, not one's skin, "motivates positive coping in the face of regret."
Studies have also shown that this "self-compassion leads to greater personal improvement, through increased self-acceptance", noting that "tolerance must stem from identifying shortcomings or failures."
Learn to stop the cycle of regret, and to think about what happened endlessly (Shutterstock)
Don't let the obsession of regret overwhelm you
“Regret can be a problem, but one of its advantages is that it makes improvement possible, provided you avoid the obsession and draw lessons for the future,” says Neil Rose, professor of marketing at Northwestern University.
It is important to learn to stop the cycle of regret, to think about what happened endlessly, to waste your energy spinning for hours over a mistake you made, and better to reserve that energy for review, “which helps you develop alternative options that will benefit you when you are on the edge of the cycle of regret again, and you are about to the fall".
Make regret the catalyst for your personal growth
According to the advice of Jennifer Taitz, professor of psychiatry at the University of California.
When you feel deep regret, "use your feelings as a starting point for determining what's important to you, and consider the values you want to defend, and the virtues you hold dear, to use as a catalyst for personal growth."
For example, "I'm more interested in being nice than in being right."
Because focusing on the damage already done won't help.
Trying to avoid or suppress disturbing emotions makes them more present and impactful (Shutterstock)
Look for practical solutions
Make a list of your big and small regrets, then brainstorm practical steps to address what's bothering you.
The ultimate remedy for an attack of regret is “not to feel bad or overthink, to seek solutions, and to use the experiences gained from self-reflection to effect change,” says Taitz.
Psychologist Catriona Wrotesley advises not to give up and view regret as "a chance to do things differently and do what you can to repair the damage."