Smile depression: Is your anxiety hidden in a perfect smile
On the surface, they are the pistachios in the eyes of everyone, and they have a good relationship with everyone. In fact, they are very fragile and low self-esteem deep in their hearts, and their eyes are always fixed on the expectations of the outside world.
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Facing the outside world to laugh, resist pressure, and deliberately cover up my emotions, but I am lonely, depressed, or anxious, but I don’t want to talk to people around me. I just want to try to present my "perfect" self...In the accelerating contemporary society, There are always young people who are accustomed to using smiles to cover up their pain and anxiety. As everyone knows, the fuse of depression is quietly buried unknowingly.
In September this year, the "Study on the Epidemiology of the Prevalence of Depressive Disorders and Utilization of Health Services in China" published in The Lancet showed that the lifetime prevalence of depression in my country was 6.8%. Only 9.5% of patients diagnosed with depression have received treatment.
Among them, "smile depression", as one of the special types of depression, is not easy to be noticed, and the risk is higher than that of ordinary depression.
Different from depression patients who are depressed and loss of vitality, these invisible patients show people with smiles every day and blend into the busy crowd.
But behind the smile, they are trekking hard in the darkness, making an unknown struggle.
The "two heavens of ice and fire" of smiles and tears
If it weren't for the accidental examination of the psychiatric department because of sleep problems, Xiao Yi would not have thought that one day she would be associated with the three words "depression", "I am optimistic every day and my life is very positive. Why is it depressed?"
"The doctor said that there are many manifestations of depression. Although everything looks normal on the surface, it is a'smile depression'." Xiao Yi has been strong since she was a child, but it is this rationality and self-control that keeps her in In the face of pressure, he has maintained the surface calmness.
"During the day, I can tell myself that I am fine, and then I really think I am fine."
"Since you have learned to smile, your expression and mood have nothing to do." In the medical field, "smile depression" is not a diagnostic category of mental illness, but the response mode of patients with "atypical" depression.
Clinical psychologist Rita Labeaune described it as "being happy in front of others, but suffering from depression inwardly", like wearing a smiling mask.
Liu Jing, director of the 14th Ward of the Clinical Psychology Center of Beijing Anding Hospital, described the state of patients with smile depression as "two heavens of ice and fire."
On the surface, it looks like a pistachio in everyone’s eyes. It is sunny and cheerful, and maintains a good relationship with everyone. In fact, deep in the heart, it is very fragile and low self-esteem. No tears are "solidified into ice" in the body, and it is difficult for others or even themselves. See through.
"They often show neglect or repression of their own emotions, and their eyes are always fixed on the expectations of the outside world. But what they want and desire is actually completely invisible." Liu Jing pointed out that if a person is If you are neglected for a long time, you will be very wronged. When the wronged cannot be presented, it is easy to reach a certain critical point on the verge of collapse.
"Smile depression is very concealed." Psychotherapist Jack Anderson emphasized, "Smiling depressed people are much more uncertain than typical depressed people. When they smile and thank you for your help, they may be better at the same time. I have already decided to commit suicide in my heart. This is where the danger lies."
Why do they wear a smiling mask
In the urban drama "I'm Very Good in Another Country", Hu Jingjing is a sunflower-like enthusiastic girl in the eyes of her friends: she works actively and is righteous. Faced with the multiple pressures of unemployment and debt, she still bury her bitterness in her heart and reply with a smile. Birthday wishes for others.
But such a full-fledged girl chose to jump off the bridge on her birthday and end her life.
When facing negative emotions, why do these young people choose to hide rather than vent?
Liu Jing said that a patient who was diagnosed with major depression had a serious risk of suicide because of an attempted suicide and came to receive psychological treatment.
When receiving the consultation, the patient was smiling, with a modest attitude, and leaning forward after sitting down. The first sentence he said to the doctor was: "You see what I need to do, and I will cooperate with all my strength."
In the process of follow-up treatment, Liu Jing found that this patient is a typical pleasing personality, "I am happy when others are happy."
In the process of interacting with others, he often first speculates "what others expect of me", and then expresses and presents himself in that way.
"Interacting very well with others is the pistachio in everyone's eyes, but in fact, his heart is very painful because he completely ignored his emotions and needs." There are countless "shoulds" in his heart, such as: I should treat others well, do everything well, always control my emotions, and never cry... Such thoughts often stem from the low self-esteem of such patients.
Why is it so?
Liu Jing believes that one of the possible reasons is that he was not loved and accepted unconditionally during the nurturing and care of his parents or important others when he was a child.
"They may be neglected emotionally, and gradually produce more self-denial in their hearts. They desire to be'seeed' and recognized. They will work very hard in their behavior patterns to prove that they are capable and stronger than others. In this way Get the positive attention of others. When they try to maintain their strong image in the outside world, the weak side will be suppressed and denied as much as possible, and they will not be able to surface."
At the same time, when they are always in a "powerful" state, people around them will mistakenly believe that they are indeed powerful and can handle everything well, without the care and help of others.
Liu Jing said that if things go on like this, they are more likely to feel neglected, more aggrieved and helpless, and feel that no one really cares about themselves.
“Under the background of traditional Chinese culture, people’s emotional expressions are relatively introverted, and they hope to cater to others’ expectations and gain recognition from others. People’s attention is not necessarily the current life and self-feelings, but the expectations of others.”
In addition to one's own neglect of emotions, there is another possible reason for "allexithymia."
Some people lack the awareness and recognition of their emotions due to bad childhood experiences, so they can't express their emotions concretely and clearly.
"This may be related to early experiences. For example, parents have never seen their children's emotions, nor have they given them the opportunity to express their emotions, or their parents are tolerant and never express their emotions."
Chen Zhiyan, a professor at the Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences, once pointed out that after blocking channels for help, people will become very vulnerable and the risk of psychological crises will increase.
When the expression of true emotions becomes difficult, any trivial matter such as workplace pressure and relationship difficulties may become the last straw to crush the camel.
Looking for an emotional outlet
Under the pressure of modern society, many young people use superficial smiles to cover up their true feelings out of work, etiquette, or the need for responsibility and dignity.
As everyone knows, this seemingly "powerful" way put a layer of shackles on the heart invisibly, and gradually evolved into emotional depression.
How to find an exit?
For patients with smile depression, Jing Liu suggested receiving systematic psychotherapy.
If the conditions are not enough, you can try to help yourself, increase inner self-exploration, and try to practice mindfulness and self-care.
After finishing a busy day at work, set aside a moment, do nothing, be alone with yourself, and ask yourself: Hi, how are you doing today?
happy?
Pay attention to emotional fluctuations and think about when you feel depressed, sad, or angry.
"For example, if the leader criticizes you, he might deny you on something, so how do you think about yourself? When others deny you, do you agree with their denial? Or do you have a relatively stable evaluation of yourself in your heart? At that time, instead of making too much self-accusation, you should look at yourself with kind eyes and turn self-criticism and self-criticism into self-care."
In addition, the care and recognition of people around is very important.
Liu Jing said that people who are smiling and depressed have been in negative emotions for a long time, as if they were tied up by chains.
It takes more courage for them to tear off the veil of their smile, present a real look, and actively seek help.
Therefore, “when you find that your friends around you are not in the right state, you can try to help them express their emotions through your own negative experience, so that they can feel that expressing some negative emotions is not ashamed.” Liu Jing said.
When we are forced to laugh and show a very social smile, we must pay attention to the emotion behind our smiling face.
"For patients with smile depression, the deep emotions behind the smile may be sadness, weakness, or even confusion or despair." Liu Jing pointed out that everyone wants to be seen and recognized by others, but the most important thing is Can you really see yourself.
"Self-care is like a beam of light, shining deep into your heart at any time, allowing you to see yourself."
Yu Bingyue Source: China Youth Daily