Once we hear the description of narcissism, images of those who perpetuate a culture of celebrity obsession on social media, or excessive posting of selfies, or images of charismatic people who exploit, control and manipulate their charms, spring into our minds.
But it did not occur to us that behind this obvious, more attractive, and distinctive type of narcissism, there are other types of hidden narcissism, though less well-known, but more dangerous.
If we consider the traditional narcissist to be a “wolf in wolf clothing,” the covert or covert narcissist is “a wolf in sheep’s clothing,” Dr. Sarah Davis, psychologist and author of Never Happening Again, tells The Guardian ) British;
She explains that the magical mask of narcissism that affected her for years proved to her that "the most secretive narcissist is the one who attracts you deeper, even when you think you are cautious and immune, you will find him slow and malicious," considering that "the different person who is more silent and meticulous, is Often the most disruptive and potentially harmful.”
Feeling the persecuted victim is central to a covert narcissist, even if he or she has to abuse himself to gain sympathy (pixels)
Feeling insecure is the motive
A new study by the Department of Psychology at New York University has “developed our understanding of narcissism,” says psychology professor Dr. Ramani Durvasula;
By revealing the traits and differences in the type of narcissistic personality, she showed that “feeling of insecurity is the motive behind narcissism, more than the infatuation with an inflated self,” which is confirmed by psychoanalyst, Maxine Mi Fong Chung, by saying that “the mask of the narcissist hides We are deeply saddened."
The study also indicated that narcissism is divided into two types that share the same classic traits, namely, "the great or the overt", and the "weak or hidden."
The first type, feels great, but is clear and easy to spot.
The classic narcissist is brilliant, attractive, confident, charming, witty, who lives an exciting life - at least on the surface - in a world of brilliance, intrigue, attention and admiration.
But the problem is how to spot the second type, covert narcissists, who appear somewhat depressed, victimized, or even needy.
But they're good at sneaking around and doing the same amount of damage as type 1 and more, according to Durvasula.
Covert or vulnerable narcissists "tend to be more introverted than grandiose narcissists, they are much more subtle, their revenge is more subtle than lasers, but they wear masks and often look likable," according to narcissistic abuse psychiatrist Lorna Slade.
narcissistic show
Not knowing about covert narcissists, and delaying in spotting them, can be dangerous.
"Learning to spot hidden narcissism can be more difficult than recognizing overt narcissism, and requires a high degree of awareness," says Dr. Davies.
As Dr. Durvasula cautions, "you may be drawn to them, because you feel sorry for them, and it becomes very interesting for you, to think that you want to save them."
Subtle or weak narcissists deliberately conceal their obsession with meeting their own needs through more subtle manipulation and control techniques, which can be described as "narcissistic display."
During this show, they show themselves to be kind, gentle and innocent, shy and introverted, considerate and extremely helpful, and "could be the shoulder to cry on".
But they do it to manipulate you, to give them admiration and gratitude, and to make them feel that you owe them.
In the end, “they will use all this against you in the future,” says Davis, who warns that the role of the “victim” will pull you into the role of “savior,” and advises everyone to arm themselves with as much information as possible, so that they can identify covert narcissists, before Being involved in a toxic relationship with them, as "you have to be aware, otherwise you may end up with an abusive partner."
As for Lorna Slade, she says, "In my experience, I find that the secret type of narcissism is much more dangerous than the overt narcissism of the great," not only because it is difficult to detect, but because the "narcissistic anger" - which they experience when they are embarrassed - pushes them to take revenge in a terrible way.
But with the exercise of extreme caution about them, "we must understand that narcissists were exposed to the early rejection of their true selves, which prompted them to create fake selves that they wear in the form of a mask, or a shiny outer shell, and attack those who approach them."
The secret type of narcissism is much more dangerous than the explicit narcissism of the great (communication sites)
5 signs of hidden narcissism
According to Davies, there are signs of a covert narcissist, "who is good at the silent, charming infiltrator, armed with hidden weapons, from his preoccupation with guilt, and feigning generosity as a means of control and sympathy," such as:
Ability to play the victim
To demystify the toxic effect of covert narcissism on our entire lives, Durvasula says, "It's really victim-playing."
Feeling the persecuted victim is essential to a covert narcissist, even if he or she has to self-abuse, in order to gain sympathy.
Because they are failed problem solvers, once they are victimized, they are completely disguised, in a way that Lorna Slade describes as "the ultimate potent force of a covert narcissist's ability to manipulate others."
Hide focus on meeting specific needs
A covert narcissist will still hide his focus on meeting his own needs, seeking status, checking influence, ignoring others, feeling deserving, and lacking empathy, but in more silent and sneaky ways.
more introverted
They tell you how sensitive and introverted they are, which makes it very easy, to fit into the role of a supportive savior for someone who seems weak, calm and very beautiful.
Relying on the feeling of fear
"They tend to rely on feelings of fear and guilt as a means of manipulation," Davis says.
Searching for empowerment
"The covert narcissist keeps looking for an opportunity for empowerment, because they have special psychological needs, low self-esteem, and a view of relationships based on inevitable harm," says Lorna Slade.