We realized early on that we were noticed as a couple.
First, of course, because of our biographies, which couldn't be more different: as descendants of Pakistani refugees or Holocaust survivors;
grew up in a socialist kibbutz in the desert or in a social hotspot in Frankfurt;
formative experiences in Muslim-conservative community life or in military service in southern Lebanon and the West Bank.
There aren't many Jewish-Israeli-Muslim-Pakistani couples. And it is common knowledge that Jews and Muslims - globally speaking - are not best friends. Both harbor prejudices: some are backward and, if in doubt, terrorists, others are considered rich and masterminds behind all evil in the world. In a previously unpublished study, almost half of the Jews surveyed said they were suspicious of Muslims, almost two-thirds perceive Muslims as threatening, and one-third would be reluctant to have Muslims as neighbors.
The image of Jews among Muslims is no better either. According to a 2019 study by the Anti-Defamation League, 57 percent of Muslims believe that Jews have too much power in international finance. Almost forty percent blame Jews for all wars in the world. The latest pictures of angry Muslims shouting anti-Semitic slogans in front of German synagogues are symbolic of the conflictual relationship between Jews and Muslims globally - but also in this country.
The recent escalation in the Middle East has reminded us once again how deep the rifts are between our communities. The comparison of our timelines in the social media alone spoke volumes: in Muslim-migrant milieus the images of bleeding children in Gaza, maps without the State of Israel and the call to save the Al-Aqsa mosque predominated. The Jewish-Israeli timeline featured destroyed apartment buildings in Tel Aviv, expressions of solidarity with the Israeli military and calls to liberate the Temple Mount from Muslims. Our German representatives also followed some major simplifications: The Muslim Coordination Council declared the Israelis to be the culprits for the escalation, while the Central Council of Jews announced on the same day that the responsibility lay “clearly” with Hamas.
We didn't want to set an example
Maybe it was naive, but we didn't plan to provoke anyone with our relationship or to set a sign for international understanding.
We both grew up in enlightened and tolerant Jewish and Muslim families.
But we also knew early on that tolerance had its limits.
Namely when the other suddenly wants to become part of the family.
“In the kibbutz we thought we were left, tolerant and cosmopolitan. Only the way of life was very homogeneous. Only Jews lived here - they still do today. We only met Muslims when we were invited to the tents of the neighboring Bedouins or from the news about military conflicts on the borders. We all wanted peace with the Arabs, but when a Muslim family wanted to move into our kibbutz, their admission was not even an option. "