Human emotions are very complicated. It is difficult to create magical
emotional counseling routines
through one or two formulas.
How can the deviated concept of love be saved?
The 26-year-old Zhang Ming’s WeChat chat record still contains the recovery plan drawn up by the emotional counselor for him: May 10 send a message to ask what the other party is doing; May 18 call; May 20 send a gift; May Message on the 23rd, etc.
However, no matter how hard Zhang Ming "worked", he failed to save his girlfriend.
In fact, there are not a few people who seek emotional counseling services like Zhang Ming.
A reporter from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily found that some organizations under the banner of "emotional counseling" rely on simple psychological knowledge to attract young people who are trapped in emotional vortex, charging as little as several thousand yuan to as many as tens of thousands of yuan. Of consulting fees.
After the consultation, some people said that they did not get the results they were expecting, and instead "both people and money were empty".
In retrospect, she felt that she had fallen into the layers of an emotional counselor's routine
Emotional recovery, separation of primary third, quick release, full guidance from domestic professional marriage and family counselors, professional psychological counselors, full-service... This year’s Dragon Boat Festival, Yan Li collected and liked dozens of articles explaining how to restore emotional shortcomings. video.
Before, Yan Li, who worked in Wuhan, was asked by her boyfriend to break up. She began to seek help on the Internet when she was sad.
With the recommendation of intelligent algorithms, many similar videos were pushed to her homepage. With the mentality of giving it a try, Yan Li added the WeChat of five or six emotional counselors in one go.
Yan Li recalled that on the second day of joining an emotional counselor, dozens of messages flooded into WeChat. Everyone asked her to describe the age of the two parties, the length of the relationship, who raised the breakup, and the reason for the breakup.
Yan Li said frankly that she was so overwhelmed by her emotions that she seriously responded to the questions of every emotional counselor and sent part of the chat history with her boyfriend to the counselor.
"Emotional counselors searched for details between the lines in the chat records and interpreted them. They told me that my ex-boyfriend actually liked me, and that they would be able to restore the feelings as long as they guided them." According to Yan Li, the cost of guidance ranges from 199 yuan to 199 yuan. It ranges from 9980 yuan.
In the later period, Yan Li began to try to restore her ex-boyfriend in accordance with the advice of one of the emotional counselors.
The emotional counselor analyzes her chat records and tells her that she can send messages at night, which is the easiest time to impress people.
But Yan Li never expected that her ex-boyfriend would delete her from her friend list the day after she finished sending the message.
When she was angry, Yan Li questioned the emotional counselor's reason. The emotional counselor explained that the initial consultation is free and not targeted. If the package is upgraded to 9,980 yuan, there will be one-to-one guidance, and the success rate is higher.
Due to the high price of the consultation fee and the fact that she was deleted by her ex-boyfriend, Yan Li did not pay any more.
“Once a person is in grief, he can’t help but think blindly, and it’s easy to trust others.” In 2019, Nana, who worked in Beijing, also asked an emotional counselor because of a broken love. Now, in retrospect, she feels that she has lost her mind. Entered the layers of the emotional counselor's routines.
"They used the emotions of the help-seekers to propose recovery strategies very irresponsibly." Nana said, when should I post to Moments, what content to post, how to attract the attention of her ex, and even what to say in chat, and when should I To terminate the chat, these must follow the arrangements of the emotional counselor, "but with little effect."
In February of this year, junior student Shen Yun saw an emotional counselor sharing many successful cases on a social software, and he couldn't help adding the emotional counselor’s WeChat.
After she shared her experience with the emotional counselor, the other party analyzed her situation as a "false breakup", which can be completely restored.
The emotional counselor said that because she was a student, she made an exception and only charged her with a discount of 3,000 yuan, and signed an electronic contract with her.
Shen Yun showed this electronic contract to reporters: Party B provides Party A with psychological counseling, helps Party A repair the relationship rift with his ex-boyfriend, and manages and maintains the relationship. The service time is one year.
If Party A proposes to terminate the cooperation unilaterally for no reason before the service termination date, Party B does not need to make any compensation or refund.
If Party B terminates the cooperation unilaterally for no reason, all service fees paid by Party A shall be compensated.
After signing the contract, the emotional counselor told Shen Yun that her situation was special, and she should first deal with it coldly and let her boyfriend calm down for a period of time.
A week after the disconnection, Shen Yun found a consultant again. The other party still suggested that Shen Yun take a cold treatment, without giving any specific plans, and eventually Shen Yun unilaterally terminated the contract.
After this incident, Shen Yun realized that he might have paid an "IQ tax."
"If I don't know a person who gets along day and night, can an emotional counselor know this person through simple chat records and descriptions?" Shen Yun realized that emotional problems had to be solved by himself.
"Break up and seek reunification" but "lost people and money"
Recently, the Shanghai police cracked a new type of "emotional recovery" fraud, arrested 69 suspects, and seized more than 180 mobile phones for the crime. Initially, more than 500 cases involving all parts of the country were investigated and the amount involved was more than 7 million yuan.
It is reported that under the banner of a professional emotional counseling agency, the criminal suspect pretends to be a psychological counselor and uses words to trick emotionally frustrated people into buying the so-called "emotional recovery service."
"Emotional consultation" services have long been common on social platforms.
Open a social software and search for "emotional recovery" to see a large number of "emotional recovery" videos, as well as various accounts named "XX Emotional Counseling Studio", with fans ranging from hundreds to hundreds of thousands.
A reporter from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily added the WeChat account of the customer service staff of an emotional consulting agency on the grounds of "emotional consultation". The customer service informed the service for one month. If it is a senior emotional consultant, the fee is 6,800 yuan, and the gold-qualified emotional consultant is charged. 9,800 yuan.
The customer service explained that senior and gold-qualified emotional counselors have different service years and service experience. Gold-qualified counselors also provide hand-to-hand chat services, and said that all counselors are certified and have national psychological counselor certification.
Subsequently, the customer service sent the reporter a business license, and the reporter saw that the registered name of the emotional counseling agency was XX Education Consulting Co., Ltd., and its business scope included marriage and family counseling, marriage introduction services, and psychological counseling services.
The company was established in March 2019.
According to an information sent by the customer service, 7 gold mentors have 8 to 10 years of working experience, and they are good at love restoration, marriage restoration, personal promotion, etc., with a success rate of more than 90%.
It is understood that the monthly salary of the agency’s emotional counselor is about 10,000 to 20,000 yuan, and each person will receive 8-12 customers at the same time, most of which are women.
A large number of successful cases can also be seen in the circle of friends of the customer service. Through the form of WeChat chat screenshots, the customer's gratitude to the emotional counseling mentor is shown, indicating that the predecessor has been successfully restored.
The customer service also sent several screenshots of payment to reporters, repeatedly emphasizing that the price cannot be discounted.
However, as early as September 2017, the Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security had issued the "Notice on the Publication of the National Vocational Qualification Catalog", stating that "professional qualifications are included in the National Vocational Qualification Catalog and are subject to list management, and no license or recognition outside the catalog is allowed. Professional Qualification".
A reporter from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily found that professional qualifications related to marriage, emotion, and psychology were not listed among them.
Fang Fang, director of the psychology department of the Hongkou District Mental Health Center in Shanghai, believes that the "emotional recovery" and other services currently on the market have been out of the scope of psychological counseling services and are definitely not marriage and family therapy from a psychological perspective.
"The prerequisite for loving someone is to love yourself"
In fact, in recent years, many colleges and universities have opened elective courses on the theme of marriage and love, and such elective courses are sought after by college students.
Our newspaper previously reported that a set of data was mentioned in "What Should I Teach in a University Love Class": China Youth School Media launched a questionnaire survey of 1,028 college students across the country.
The survey results show that 88.23% of college students support the establishment of love classes in universities.
Xiao Jiang, a senior at Hohai University, told China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily that she had taken the school's elective course "View of College Students' Love" in her sophomore year.
"The prerequisite for loving one is to love yourself." Xiao Jiang said that after studying this course, he had a certain influence on establishing a correct outlook on love.
"In the age of social networks, young people can access all kinds of information, which will also have an impact on personal values. Schools offer love elective courses, so we can avoid some detours."
Zeng Min, the respondent of Zhihu, a master of psychology at Beijing Normal University, said that human emotions are very complex, and it is difficult to use one or two formulas to magically restore, persuade, forget or recover. "Anything with a magical effect Propaganda is worthy of vigilance."
Zeng Min also mentioned some methods to judge whether an emotional counselor is reliable or not.
He said that under normal circumstances, reliable consultants can have face-to-face or video consultations. If a consultant does not provide face-to-face and video consultation, please be vigilant.
He also said that if the consultant sends news about the content of the consultation during the consultation interval, or posts the nature of the advertisement in the circle of friends, “it can be directly judged that the consultant is not reliable.” In addition, Zeng Min felt that if the emotional counselor proposed Charges according to the course of treatment, must pay multiple times in advance, but also need to be vigilant.
Zhang Shasha, Dean of Zhenai.com Research Institute, believes that the concept of marriage and love is the fundamental view and attitude of people on love and marriage issues, and the expression of the outlook on life on the issues of love and marriage.
"Young people should make it clear that the purpose of love and marriage is to find a life-long partner who will grow old together, not to comfort and relieve boredom. I will go with the crowd, and I will have it when others have it. The most important condition in the choice of a partner should be like-mindedness, morality, and morality. The ideals of career and the taste of life are roughly the same." Zhang Shasha said.
In addition, Zhang Shasha also believes that young people should uphold the principles of self-esteem, self-love, self-reliance, and self-respect in the process of love and marriage.
Faced with the problems that may be encountered in marriage and love, Zhang Shasha suggested that young people should first improve their ability to manage relationships.
This includes adjusting one's own mentality, clear self-awareness and so on.
Second, it is to improve one's own marriage and love skills.
For example, learn to manage your own emotions, learn to express your own needs and love, and how to face setbacks in marriage and love.
"When young people are faced with problems that are difficult to solve on their own, they can seek help from outsiders. But there are two points to pay attention to. One is to look for formal platforms and institutions to reduce the possibility of being deceived; the other is to seek professional help. Yes. Only those with experience and ability can find out where your problems are and what your real needs are, and adjust and meet them in a targeted manner." Zhang Shasha said.
China Youth Daily, China Youth Daily, trainee reporter Han Rong, reporter Shi Jia Source: China Youth Daily