Making others happy may be a burden on some, and no one feels it, especially if the attempts to please others require double effort to feel good about themselves, so the person is forced to avoid saying "no" for fear of feeling guilty or worried that others will think that he is selfish.
It turns out that this mentality has deep roots. A 2016 study in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience revealed that people who had difficulty saying "no" to others had differences in their brain activity compared to those who disagreed with others. And declared their positions clearly, even if that cost them to disagree with others.
The fMRI scanner has shown that the less the participants disagree, the more illuminating certain parts of their brain are, compared to those who disagree with others.
Whether satisfying people is an established belief of some or just a bad habit, working constantly to obtain the approval of others while ignoring one's needs can negatively affect psychological stability.
People who make others happy by consistently agreeing to their views often see this as making them happy, but the pressure on feelings to please others is stressful, and it may cause pathological anxiety that may lead to depression.
Then there is no way to continue to put pressure on nerves, follow these steps to stop pleasing others at the expense of your inner peace.
If you help to avoid feeling guilty, you may have made a mistake about yourself (Getty Images)
Avoid feeling guilty for the slightest reason
Are you helping others to feel happy and fulfilled, or is it because you feel guilty?
There is a dividing line between being pleasing to people versus being kind and generous. If you decide to help because it reinforces your values or gives you happiness, do not hesitate to do so.
For example, if you are asked to do a volunteer activity to help children if saying "yes" would emphasize the value of your contribution to society and make you feel good even if it is a bit stressful, start right away.
But if you provide help to avoid feeling guilty, then you may have made a mistake about yourself, as in this case you are motivated by people’s satisfaction.
Instead of accepting every opportunity that is presented to you, you must first realize why you are doing this job, do you want to appear nice and generous, or because you are afraid of looking bad in front of others?
Don't worry, realizing the difference doesn't make you selfish, it makes you honest.
Let your values guide your decision
Don't let your decisions about help be based on someone's pressure on you to provide help. Ask yourself first: Does this align with my interests?
A 2013 study by researcher Sonia Lyubormersky indicates that in order to maximize happiness, choose activities that relate to your values and interests, you should never offer activities solely to satisfy the needs of others that are not aligned with yours.
Practice saying "no"
Saying "no" is not an easy matter. There are those who cannot resolve matters by saying "no" even if that costs him from his time, effort, money and psychological well-being as well.
Training to say "no" can be a daunting task that you should put on your wish list, especially for those who think that saying "no" causes others to view the person as aggressive and selfish.
Learn first not to be concerned with how others view you and their evaluation of your behaviors. Only you are aware of the size of your capabilities, and how and when you can use them in the right path.
Learn first not to be concerned with how others see you and evaluate your behavior (Getty Images)
Be firm and avoid toxic characters
Some people will try to put you in a value scale, either you agree with them or you are against them, and the latter case means that you will look like a very bad person.
Toxic personalities surround us in all daily life situations, do not allow anyone to blackmail your feelings in order to satisfy their needs, being firm does not mean that you are a cruel or rude person.
Set healthy boundaries
You also need to train to respect your personal boundaries. Don't laugh at the silly banter if you see it offensive to you, even if the abuse is just disrupting your day for a few minutes.
Express your distress calmly without engaging in verbal fights, inform your interlocutor that this matter annoys you or does not like you, and that you will not accept it again.
You should never bear a banter or an opinion that uprays you inwardly in order to appear polite and sophisticated in the eyes of others.
Don't over-apologize
Refrain from exaggerating the apology, as some see that exaggerating the apology is a kind of appreciation for others. Exaggeration, and you don't have to over-appease him, save true regret for times when you actually get it wrong.