In contrast to the traditional methods of education that adopted punishment as one of the main alternatives to educating the child, and in view of the negative effects it causes, in recent years, methods believed to be more effective in education and evaluation have become commonplace, and today several countries adopt them in their schools, known collectively as positive education, which is based on Cooperation, respect and involvement of the child in assuming responsibility, what is meant by this concept specifically?
Positive parenting was developed in the 1920s by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikers, specialists in individual psychology, and then Jane Nielsen and Lyn Lott re-read and presented it in the 1980s. This method of education is based on teaching the child the rules of safety so that he himself becomes responsible for his actions and thus for his health and happiness, so that discipline or commitment is no longer something that the child feels forced upon, but rather stems from his responsibility, because he knows what he achieves in terms of benefit or harm related to the behaviors that he He takes it, in other words, it is an early promotion of a child's maturity to be responsible, independent and happy. (1)
This model relies on eliminating fear when using power in relationships, excluding the means of punishment, and instead adopting a combination of two inexhaustible means: affection and assertiveness, and for us adults to work on developing ourselves to be more sympathetic to the child, which thus represents a great challenge.
At the same time, this method is easier because it means constantly teaching the child how to make the most appropriate decision for him.
It was in this context that Rudolf Drecors would say:
"Parents and teachers cannot continue to lead children, they must acquire the ability to be democratic leaders."
(2)
Often we feel fear when children disobey our orders, when they fail in something, when they do not know anything, or when they have fits of anger, and we resort to what we think is the most effective treatment.
Punishment, prohibition, or sometimes extortion, and these are really effective methods, but only in the short term.
(2)
Alfred Adler believed that tyranny and punishment did not provide the appropriate environment for the child to want to change his behavior, and he believed that children need another system of sense of responsibility and freedom to be responsible citizens who participate in their society, and he indicated that we very much want to be part of Society, and this is what drives us to strive to learn the skills that allow us to participate in it, and that this is essential support for mental health in the long term. (3)
Adler believes that the growth and learning of a person throughout his life always requires the courage to realize the fact that he is not perfect, and that he is nonetheless respected. We have a vision of how to help him search for more effective solutions. As a result, Adler believes that the role of adults is to perceive the feelings that a child has in educational practices and thus to be able to understand their impact on children's development and behavior, and he urged the provision of techniques for all those involved in the education of children. From parents, teachers and nursery staff, to help them learn social and life skills in a way that ensures respect for the child.
The main thing about this method is to avoid the use of corporal or verbal punishments and to avoid over-imposing rules and guidelines.
The child here must learn not to obey, so focus on solutions instead of punishments that do not last long. Think after the punishment, what has your child learned so that he does not repeat the mistake?
What problem-solving skills have helped develop him?
(1)
Focus on the future rather than the past, and on solutions rather than consequences
Focusing on the child paying a price for his actions instead of looking for solutions to them. The child feels offended and distracts from the problem, so he focuses his attention only on defending himself, and by this he has lost his participation in the solution, and children often have solutions and ideas, but we do not provide They have the opportunity to prove it.
When we give the opportunity to the child and take his recommendations seriously and put them into action, this raises his level of self-confidence and self-esteem, so in order to ensure that the child will be able to face the situation the next time you have to stop issuing orders and start asking the child about his suggestions and encouraging him to cooperate in a solution. the problems.
Know your child
Do you know your child?
Have you ever entered his world and understood his point of view?
The next question you need to know the answer is: Do you believe in it?
Do you see him as a wonderful person with the ability to learn, grow and face life's challenges?
When you have faith in him, it will be easy to stop controlling, correct, and punish, and support him with the life skills he needs when adults are not accompanying him.
(3)
Mistakes are precious
What we learned about mistakes when we were young: You should not make a mistake, you are a loser and a stupid if you make a mistake, do not let anyone find out that you have done wrong.
He should avoid passing on such negative messages to the child, and instead establish in his mind a sense of responsibility more than regret in the event that he committed a mistake, and that he considers him an opportunity to recognize the extent of others' cooperation with him, and that he is responsible for apologizing to those who offended him, and searching for a solution to the problem.
(3)
Ask more questions than giving orders
Ask your child: What should you do now?
One of the most effective methods of positive parenting is to ask questions and let the child suggest solutions, express his opinion, and agree with him on the best solution. Your child will be able to listen to you intently after you have listened to him. (3)
Open it to your choices
Give your child an opportunity to make choices between open choices - for example, at deadlines - that you re-define in agreement with him. Select two options for him in different situations at the beginning of his life. For example, you can ask him: "Do you want to put your shoes first or your jacket?"
Provided that the choices at the beginning are not complicated, all within the framework of the permissible, and let the choices increase and diversify according to his age, and discuss with him the consequences of each of them, so you know his abilities and convey to him a sense of responsibility, participation and independence, children tend to comply with the rules that they participated in developing, and so on. Everyone wins.
(3)
Praise what you liked about the child's behavior
Positive education focuses on praising the child's behaviors and encouraging him to continue with them, not on praising the child himself, for example, it is meaningless to praise the child for being a genius, as it is not an attribute related to him, so re-reflect on the child's behavior and praise the good situations that he has done, such as his ability to calculate today, In order for the child to have an indication of the positive aspect that he must continue with.
This will reinforce the positive behavior of the child.
(3)
Create an appropriate environment for him
Exploration and curiosity is a natural feeling for a child at his early age, so prepare for him the appropriate, cheerful and colorful environment that he can explore, and do not surround him with the word no.
(4)
Teach him to express his feelings
It is not too early for your child to learn to express the reality of how he feels, and to know what he is before we, the adults, know him and intervene to solve his problems, in his early years, you will both see pictures of faces with different expressions and get to know them is an exciting thing for the child that he can deal with, and at an older age Add to your child's dictionary new and varied vocabulary to express his feelings and appreciate the feelings of others. (4)
Ignore the bad behavior ... and avoid playing the informant
No one likes to be trapped all the time, so ignore some wrong behaviors, give your child some rest, and choose your battles with him.
In some situations, pretending that you did not see him, and always ponder the reasons for his behavior, there are external factors that may be the cause of more severe outbursts of anger, such as if the child has spent a long time this day in crowds or taking a drug that has some side effect, and it may be fatigue or a change in routine His accustomed behavior has changed his behavior, and you will have to appreciate it. (4)
Finally, young people in their early childhood feel in many situations anger, which is an automatic feeling in the face of the problems of coexistence with this world, and gradually they end up realizing that it is not the best reaction to face the world, but always know that you are the model in front of him to learn, and that you should achieve The difficult balance between kindness and assertiveness, and not losing respect for the child or yourself.
(5)
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Sources
Técnicas de disciplina positiva para niños
Disciplina positiva o cómo educar con afecto y firmeza
Disciplina Positiva
Técnicas para Educar con Disciplina Positiva
Disciplina positiva: 5 claves para educar en positivo