Karine's son drowned at the age of two and a half.

She says she feels responsible, but not guilty, because the owner of the vacation home they were renting pointed out the pool alarm was failing.

Three years after the death of her son, Karine relates the facts to Olivier Delacroix.

TESTIMONY

Drowning is the second leading cause of accidental death for children under 14 in France.

Joey, Karine's son was two and a half years old when he drowned in the swimming pool of the vacation home they were renting.

It was equipped with an alarm, but the owner of the house had advised not to plug it in, pointing out its failings.

Three years after the death of her son, Karine tells Olivier Delacroix how she and her husband managed to rebuild themselves, in particular thanks to the support of their relatives.

>> Listen to Karine's testimony in full here

"My daughter had an older brother that she didn't know since he was no longer there when she was born. He passed away almost three years ago now. We talk to him about it regularly, but she doesn't. Sadly never will know. He is part of us, of our life and of his story. In his room there are pictures of him. It was his own room before. She will always grow up knowing that she had a big brother. We will talk to her as much as possible. As soon as she is old enough to understand, we will explain things to her more precisely. 

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The pool alarm was not working

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This story starts off as a mundane: a family and friends renting a house with a pool to spend two weeks on vacation. There were ten of us, five adults and five children. When we arrived, we made the inventory visit with the owner. At the time of demonstrating the pool alarm, it was not working. The owner told us: 'She's very sensitive, I have to get her sorted out. I advise you not to plug it in because otherwise it will wake everyone up for no reason. Don't plug it in, it's better. '

It was a day when the weather hadn't been particularly nice.

We mostly kept the children inside.

At around 6 p.m., we decided, like every evening, to give the children a bath together.

I said to my son, 'Joey, go take the bath with the others.'

He got off the couch where he was with me.

I watched him go from the kitchen to the bathroom and looked away.

I think that's when he came out.

"

I ran into my son floating in the pool

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Ten minutes later, I saw my brother-in-law come back to the living room with the kids, without Joey. I asked him where he was and he said he didn't know. I jumped up from the couch, ran to the kitchen to look in the garden. I saw that the door was open. I ran. I ran into my son floating in the pool. I screamed. I jumped into the water to get it out. We called the firefighters who arrived quite a long time later. I think they took at least 20 minutes to arrive. 

The medical teams arrived and tried the electric shocks.

I didn't understand what was going on.

For me, it was impossible for him not to wake up.

An emergency physician came to see me to explain to me that for the moment, they had not succeeded in reviving the heart, but that they did not despair.

I had already understood that it was too late.

This same doctor asked me: 'When you found your son, was he at the bottom of the pool or had he already come to the surface?'

The wording of his sentence meant that by the time I had found him, it was already too late. 

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I had this double fear of losing my son and my husband

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I called my husband when the firefighters were trying to resuscitate him. My husband never doubted me and never blamed me. I remember when I called him I had this double fear of losing my son and my husband. On the contrary, he supported me. He never questioned my word and my actions. I will thank him for the rest of my life. When he got to the funeral home, he didn't ask me any questions. He was very shocked to see his son lying there. I told her a million times that I was sorry and didn't understand what had happened.

For me, it's my fault since I'm his mother and I was there.

I should have seen it.

Everyone who was there immediately said to me: 'You have nothing to do with it.

You couldn't know it.

We were all there.

Nobody heard anything.

You've always been a careful mom.

Even if you feel responsible, you have nothing to do with it. '

They tried to put that in my head right away and I think they did well. 

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I will blame myself all my life for not having had that sixth sense of mom

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I am responsible, but not guilty. I feel responsible because he is my son, I lost him and I will never find him. Each parent is responsible for their child until their last breath. What happened is not my fault. I didn't make that happen. On the contrary, I did all I could for 13 days so that nothing happened. It took the wrong set of circumstances for the drama to happen. That's why I'm not guilty. I will blame myself all my life for not having had that sixth sense of mom. 

It was the responsibility of the owner who rented the house to check that his equipment was in good condition, which was not the case.

He was dismissed for insufficient evidence.

It shocked me a lot.

I was seized with a big crisis of doubts.

The feeling of guilt arose because I thought to myself that maybe it was my fault then and that I should take all the responsibility.

I thought maybe the owner had nothing to do with it, that the alarm wasn't working, but it's not like an alarm to watch over children. 

>> Find all the episodes of In Olivier's eyes in replay and podcast here

With our daughter, her father and I try not to become completely paranoid about safety. When I see her, I see her brother. I remember that I had it in my arms and that I no longer have it. Today, I know that everything can be stopped with a snap of the fingers. It's a constant struggle to survive after such a thing. I know I have changed and so has my husband. We adapt. Human beings have an extraordinary capacity for survival. 

We are incredibly lucky to have been surrounded as we have been. No one has judged us. Everyone supervised and protected us. They hammered us in the head that it was not our fault. It was very important. We do not realize it at the time, but as time passes, we become aware of all the efforts they have provided and all that they have not let show for stay strong and offer us their shoulder to cry on. Life goes on."