In "Sans Rendez-vous", the sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responds to Anaëlle, a 30-year-old single listener who is jealous of the sentimental life of her younger sister.

For the specialist, this feeling is quite natural, since members of the same siblings see each other as rivals. 

>> Is it normal to envy the sentimental life of a member of your siblings?

This is the question posed by Anaëlle, 30-year-old single, who is jealous of her sister, 6 years younger, who has been in a relationship for several years.

For Catherine Blanc, this feeling is quite natural between children from the same couple, since each brother and sister is seen as a rival.

The sexologist and psychoanalyst recommends, in "Sans Rendez-vous", to talk about it, rather than remaining alone with the discomfort of her feelings. 

Anaëlle's question 

"Always single at 30, I realize that I am more and more jealous of my younger sister, 24, in a relationship for several years. What do you think?"

Catherine Blanc's response

"More than ever, it is with his brothers and sisters that the notion of jealousy and rivalry is tied up, since we must historically share absolutely indispensable beings, namely the mother and the father. Our siblings, whether the most big or small, with whom we must share these beings of love, security and comfort will nourish in us a lot of hatred, aggressiveness and jealousy. But as there is also guilt in all this, siblings will also generate a lot of love. In other words, we will develop a love and protection towards our brothers and sisters. On the other hand, this love is nourished by a great deal of love. anxiety: we try to put them in our pocket because they are our rivals. 

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How not to fall into excessive jealousy?

It plays out from childhood.

Sometimes a sibling can play quite dangerous games, a way for the older to oust the smaller.

But, if the elder has this desire, he represses it and is very afraid that something serious is going to happen.

It is halfway between two waters.

The role of parents is therefore crucial.

Not to punish the child for his aggressiveness towards his / her younger brother (head), but to protect him from his own guilt linked to the hostility he feels.

Parents should teach the child the benefits of sharing.

But here we are talking about two adult sisters ...

Yes, in this specific case Anaëlle is the oldest and intends to remain so.

So as such she believes that it is she who should be in a relationship before her sister.

But it is precisely the opposite that is happening.

It is the latter who is in a bond of love and who will be able to plan the building of a family.

It is very painful for Anaëlle because it refers to the bond of love of her mother, more interested in the youngest than in the eldest. 

Her difficulty in love brings back her little girl's anxiety to be dethroned by her sister.

Should Anaëlle talk to her sister about it? 

Not saying things does not negate the feelings you may be having.

I think it's great that adults are looking at their pain in living and functioning together. "