In "Sans Rendez-vous", the sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responds to Aude, who has just learned that her boyfriend had an extramarital affair with another man.

For the specialist, it is normal to be much more destabilized in this situation than in the case of heterosexual deception.  

How to react when there is cheating with a person of the same sex?

This is the question asked by Aude, a listener in a relationship for 4 years, who has just learned that her boyfriend had an extramarital affair with another man.

While the young woman is disturbed but apparently not upset by this situation, Catherine Blanc answers her questions about the sustainability of her couple.

In "Sans Rendez-vous", the sexologist and psychoanalyst argues in particular that it is normal to be more destabilized in the case of homosexual deception.

Aude's question

I have been in a relationship for 4 years and have just found out that my boyfriend has had sex with a man.

We talked about it a lot and he assures me that it was just to try.

But I ask myself a lot of questions: do I still attract him?

Isn't he ultimately homosexual? 

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Catherine Blanc's response

The deception of which Aude is the victim obviously asks the same questions as if it were a woman, except that the questioning of her femininity and her worth is added here. 

Is this somehow worse?

Since she can't compete with another man? 

Indeed, if his companion assures him that it was just to try, it is still part of his fantasies and testifies to the fact that he wants to explore new things.

If her boyfriend has questions on the homosexual level, she can do nothing for him except take on the role of man by integrating sex toys into their sexuality.

So obviously it's a lot more unsettling.  

Aude doesn't seem to react like a cheated woman, she doesn't look upset ...

I don't know Aude's age, so I don't know if she is part of that generation who considers it almost normal and welcome to try everything.

But that might explain why she doesn't look jealous.

Perhaps she also thinks to herself that she remains the only desirable woman for her boyfriend and that as such, she has no rival. 

Is the use of sex toys a solution to find a compromise? 

She can actually play a more masculine role, and maybe she will even find his way there because it will reveal something more manly in his personality, which will be able to reveal itself thanks to the ambivalence of his partner. .

It is even possible that when choosing her partner, Aude knew intuitively that there was a little bit of masculinity in her partner.

But if she has to take on a more manly role just to stay with him, and if she deprives herself of the development of her femininity, the relationship is obviously not going in the right direction.