Having only maintained romantic relationships with verbally and physically violent women, Jean-Michel explains that he was unable to accept his happiness during his last love affair.

At the microphone of Sabine Marin, on "La Libre antenna" of Europe 1, Jean-Michel confides being afraid of happiness.

TESTIMONY

Jean-Michel says he is afraid of happiness.

According to him, it is because he did not know him when he was a child.

He says he had an abusive father, which led him to always maintain romantic relationships with violent women.

He then confides that he has not been able to accept his happiness during his last love affair.

At the microphone of "La Libre antenna", on Europe 1, Jean-Michel nevertheless evokes the happy memories shared with his maternal grandfather around their common passion for horticulture.

>> Listen to Jean-Michel's testimony in full here

"Happiness scares me. I have never known happiness with the women who have shared my life. There haven't been many, two women have shared my life. Happiness scared me, because that I did not know as a child. Unfortunately, I reproduced the patterns of my early childhood unconsciously. My father was violent towards me. Unconsciously, I went towards domineering women, verbally and physically violent. 

I separated from these two women.

I met a few years ago, not that old, a wonderful, kind and sweet woman.

I was afraid.

I told myself that it was not possible, that it could not exist.

It was too good for me and I played dumb.

I was afraid it would stop.

I find that silly of me.

I don't know what to do to accept this happiness.

"

I am broken with life

"

There is only one person who told me that I was a good person, it was my maternal grandfather.

When I was five or six, I already knew what I wanted to do for a job: a horticulturalist.

It was my grandfather who transmitted this passion to me.

I took the trouble to learn this trade.

I graduated with honors.

The people who gave me my chance told me I could do it.

I got that diploma and the only person who told me it was good was my grandfather.

That was happiness.

Unfortunately, he is no longer present in my life.

He died in 2004, at the age of 98.

It's particularly hard at the moment, with what we're going through.

This is not obvious.

I have no one around me, I am alone.

And then there is this climate.

We are completely lost at the moment.

I have been followed by a psychiatrist for three months.

Human stupidity hurts, it destroys and it can kill.

I am the proof.

With everything they could do to me, I managed to destroy myself.

I don't know if it was consciously or unconsciously.

I managed to overcome everything every time. 

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I put on a shell.

I don't want to show the face of someone who is not well.

I still have a joke, but it's a shell.

I was told not to lose my humor.

I am 53 years old, but the machine is very tired.

I am broken with my life, because of what I have taken in the last few years.

Sometimes I give up and don't want to fight anymore.

"